I May Have Been Molested By My Cousin, But I Can't Tell Anyone Why.

[radicalgratitude]

Thank you for all that you shared. I know it is very difficult. I hope you find a therapist who specializes in trauma.

I have come to find out that if you have a suspicion, you are probably right. At the very least, he was sexually inappropriate and it would be helpful for you to get counseling for what you do remember. If more happened then you will know with the passing of time.

Yes, I can relate what you wrote. My memories were totally fragmented and uncertain until about a year ago. Now I can't keep the memories from coming.

 

[BlueEyedGirl2014]

Once again, I am thankful for everyone's messages. I can't help but read them over and over again because it really shows what kind of people are on here. @radicalgratitude How did your memories start coming back? (I don't plan on triggering them myself, I guess I have just decided to let things be until my mind decides to unlock them)

On one hand, I hope I'm right just so I don't feel like I made a fuss out of nothing, that I wasn't just overreacting. I have such sympathy for all of you who have gone through what you did and are still going through... I hope this makes sense. It's not that I WANT this to happen to me it's that I want to understand what was happening better? I guess it drives me more crazy not knowing. Maybe this could be the reason I'm so messed up and how I'm different from people who are around me.

On the other hand, I want to be wrong. I don't want to feel like someone who I thought cared about me did something like this, I don't want to have to keep this kind of secret from his mom or his brother... I don't think I could tell them. I don't think I could tell my dad.

Which brings me to my next point,
@jess_trustno1 If this ends up being something, I will be sure to follow your advice and leave certain things out from my husband. I wouldn't want him to feel overburdened by such information.

I feel so silly when I woke up this morning. I think my memories are such something I am .. over reacting to? I know he made sexual advances or comments towards me that were inappropriate, but it could end up being nothing. These thoughts have been running through my head all day.

I guess it's just something I should just leave up to my brain now. I'm starting therapy again in the next 2 weeks and if at some point something comes up I could mention it and see where it goes. Like some of you have said, certain memories have taken decades to come back up. I just am scared I will go crazy from not knowing. There's really no one who can answer my questions except myself now.

I hope this post made sense... I'm sorry if it didn't. :(

 

[radicalgratitude]

@BlueEyedGirl2014, you sound just like me before all this came to the surface...freakishly so. Before the memories came to the surface I would ask myself, "What is this unknown pain?" I felt like I had this deep sadness way down inside me that no amount of tears could bring out. I knew I had been abused some how, but I didn't know what the extent of it was or who did it to me. I guessed it was my brother. Then my dad sexually violated me a year ago and all of a sudden the memories resurfaced. I went to a trauma program and my inner child felt safe enough to reveal more to me.

I would advise you not to rule anyone or anything out. Sexual abuse tends to be a family issue, as uncomfortable as that may be.