I Need A Carer/companion...but How To Explain To Family?

[HëllaBubz]

I'm a 22yo fm, I have a history in family domestic violence, emotional and physical....dad was a cop with manic depression and sexually abused as a child, mum had post natal depression and intimacy issues, both she and her mother were physically and sexually abused by different people.

At 16 I ran away from home, went through a lot of bull :poop: counselors, and was eventually diagnosed with disthymic disorder.

I was drugged by my ex and gang raped at 17 as payment for my ex's drugs, in between beatings, half a year a later I had another partner who turned out to be into bestiality and child porn.....he had videos and pictures down to the age of 6 months....those images still haunt me.

And at the time I couldn't figure out why his male puppy was so terrified of people....

I reported it to the police, and then ran for my life to another state, the cops found weapons, drugs and 350Gb of illicit porn..... more than what I had found.

At 19, I was doing nursing, the nightmares had settled down, and I was in a healthy relationship for 8 months.....and then a male co-worker assaulted me.

It took 2 months for symptoms to show, and within 6 months I was a wreck, and I quit work.

2 years later, I'm still struggling, I'm on meds, doing housework is nigh on impossible, and my memory and concentration is shot to pieces.
When I'm with a friend, I find that they help to focus my mind, and I can actually get a little housework done, or cooking...but other than that, I'm screwed.

I can't read anymore, I used to be a major bookworm, I sleep like crap and constantly dream about being raped by strangers,friends or family, or watching something similar happen to them whilst I'm held down and can't save them.

I guess my most major and current issue is that; how to I explain to other people that I need that extra support, and that the extra presence there helps me be somewhat normal?

I'm sure that there are so many other parts to that question, but this is the most prevalent for me.

Someone, help? What were your experiences, or solutions?

 

[petalsoup]

:hug: could you explain to your loved ones in exactly the way you have above? I have the exact same problems concentrating, getting anything done, not being able to read. When people are around its like I feel grounded again and not off in my head somewhere. But there's only so much other people can do. I also go to the local mental health centre, I find I can hang out there and feel fairly normal and safe etc.

 

[HëllaBubz]

Hi Petal,

well unfortunately, my dad is the kind of person who turned to me, and asked me when I was going to stop trying to rort the system, and inferred that my continuing difficulties were because of this!

And two weeks ago, he turned to me and asked me when I was going to get over it, and when I was going to stop talking to people that were full of themselves (my psych) and didn't know anything, and when I was going to get on with my life.

Then he went on to say that I should take a look at some other people he knew that had been through much worse than me, and THEY didn't claim to have PTSD, they just got on with it, why couldn't I?

Still kinda angry and stinging over that.....ignorance is most hurtful in the form of family members.

 

[petalsoup]

Hmm, by loved ones I meant anyone in your life who you might be able to rely on for actual support...and sounds like your dad is not someone who can provide that. So sorry he is not more caring. My dad also gave me the 'buck up other people have it worse than you' chat, I think he wanted me to cheer up and get a life so he doesn't have to face the fact that I have had shit happen to me and he couldn't do anything about it. He would rather nag me than admit his daughter has problems if you see what I mean.

I don't know if your dad is the same, but sounds like he isn't a great place to look for support. Don't let his criticism and negativity undermine the help you do get from psych etc.

It's really hard looking for help and comfort/company elsewhere when the symptoms of ptsd make it so hard to socialise, form close friends etc. Are there any befriending schemes near you? I used to do voluntary work, that was a good way to socialise and get company.

 

[HëllaBubz]

Well, my mother seems to think that psychological illnesses are nothing more than chemical imbalances, so I don't need a psych, I should just take supplements.

The supplements do help though, but I keep forgetting to take them!!!

My brother is kind of supportive, I'm the oldest of 3, but my sister has definately been influenced by my parents.

As for my partner, I find it kind of amusing that the things he gets upset about that I have done/not done are the things that I used to have to chase him about when I was functioning!

He is pretty good, although sometimes I think that even though he really wants me to get better, he doesn't understand that acknowledgement and understanding of why I do the things I do are some of the first steps to recovery......well, at least for me!

Other than that.....I don't have any friends to speak of, I have a few aquaintances, but very very few of them know much....for me it is a case of I have suffered through this, why should anyone else be part of this suffering if I can prevent it?

I just wish I had a companion who could help me through the tasks I need to do each day, who won't do everything for me, but will work with me, encourage and push me to do them myself.

My partner isn't home during the day, and often when he leaves I feel really sad, sometimes even cry because I really need him that day, but I know he has to work.

I'm not sure about anyone else, but for me, I really don't give a :poop: if people know anything about my history, or about the PTSD and anxiety......for me, people ask about me, so I tell them about me.
Although I do make it clear that I'm not interested in 'poor you' and sympathy!

How do I explain that I'm not lazy, there are just days when even putting the butter back in the fridge is too much effort for me!

 

[.Ambivalent.]

I just wish I had a companion who could help me through the tasks I need to do each day, who won't do everything for me, but will work with me, encourage and push me to do them myself.

I can definitely relate to this! It's frustrating and kind of embarrassing. My house is always a disaster, and most of the time I can't bring myself to do anything about it, unless someone is here, pushing me to do it. The little energy I have goes towards getting myself up in the morning and getting through my day at work. If I have a day or two off from work, I just don't want to do anything at all. I don't feel like I can most of the time. I'm honestly amazed that I can make it to work at all, but that is literally ALL I can do.

When I have someone here, I can bring myself to do the tasks I need to get done. I've resorted to setting weekly laundry dates with my sister, where we meet up and do our laundry at the laundry mat, or mine will just pile up until I'm out of clothes. Unfortunately, my sister can't be here constantly to push and remind me to do things (although, she does show up about once a month and help out if I need, which I usually do). While it frustrates me, it's like I'm trapped in a cycle of messy forgetfulness. It's funny, pre-PTSD me was the biggest neat freak ever. Super organized down to the smallest detail... :confused:

It's hard to explain it to other people, because to them, I'm just trying to excuse laziness. But, really, I'm not lazy, nor do I have something I'd simply rather be doing instead of keeping up on things. A lot of the time I literally just can't bring myself to do simple tasks or leave the house unless absolutely necessary.

How do I explain that I'm not lazy, there are just days when even putting the butter back in the fridge is too much effort for me!

That's exactly how I feel. Well, for me, it's usually the garbage bins making it to the curb for trash pick up, the dishes getting done, etc. I'm a freak about food not going bad, so food usually makes it to the fridge. Food wrappers end up on the counter or table, and dishes pile up in weird places... Remembering to do the shopping is impossible. I'll think about it, sit down and make a list, never get to it, make another list, run out of something and have to go out and buy it, but forget everything else... :mad:

Do you ever feel like the smallest tasks are completely overwhelming? A lot of the time that it my problem. If not that, then it's just forgetting to do something, remembering, and then being overwhelmed by it and putting it off, then forgetting again...:eek:

 

[HëllaBubz]

I can definitely relate to this! It's frustrating and kind of embarrassing. My house is always a disaster, and most of the time I can't bring myself to do anything about it, unless someone is here, pushing me to do it.

My gosh, I know what you mean, I used to be so house proud, I loved having a tidy house and home cooked meals on the table, and now, occasionally I can do a little cooking, but doing the cleaning afterwards is usually impossible because I've used all my energy trying not to burn the food!!!

When I have someone here, I can bring myself to do the tasks I need to get done. I've resorted to setting weekly laundry dates with my sister, where we meet up and do our laundry at the laundry mat, or mine will just pile up until I'm out of clothes.

My partner prefers to do the washing because the new washing machine is his baby :p and he gets quite narky if I go near it too often lol....my partner sometimes pays for a cleaner to come in for an hour or two, and its under $20 an hour, so it's not too expensive, perhaps I should enlist her help, if I can get her to slow down to my speed!!! She's young and Indian, around my age (early 20's), I miss having that much energy!!!

It's hard to explain it to other people, because to them, I'm just trying to excuse laziness. But, really, I'm not lazy, nor do I have something I'd simply rather be doing instead of keeping up on things. A lot of the time I literally just can't bring myself to do simple tasks or leave the house unless absolutely necessary.

Do you ever feel like the smallest tasks are completely overwhelming? :eek:

I'm not lazy, and I know what you mean too, its just that most times getting the food out of the fridge and then sitting down is a rare luxury in energy, the thought of having to get up and dynamically thinking about cleaning up the mess I've made is mentally exhausting.:sleep:

Although I really do understand about having someone else around which stimulates you to do a little work......being stuck at home unemployed is the most anti social, lonely but safest existence imaginable.:oops:

The worst part is seeing my partner get angry at the mess I've made, I feel like a giant litterbug going from room to room trashing things because I run out of energy and focus to complete them, its a horrible feeling.:notworthy:

Perhaps it would be better to refuse to move onto anything else until that task is complete, at least then one thing would be done instead of a whole heap being half done!:whistling: