I can totally relate to what you’re going through. Here’s a little story...
When I first started seeing my bf, he would pull the same shit with me all the time. It would hurt me every time, but I kept allowing it. Last year I had planned a nice Valentine’s dinner. When I messaged him the night before to confirm, he came back with “Sorry, I’m going out of town for the day.” While, he did message me instead of his ignoring, I blew a gasket! The relationship ended right then and there. We went about 4 months without talking. Soon after we got back together, one night he apologized for all the times he would ignore my texts and leaving me hanging. He said he knew he hurt me and promised he wouldn’t do it to me again. A couple months later he did it again, ignored when plans were made. Therefore, I explicitly set boundaries. I made it cut/dry if needs space because he’s stressed, needs to cancel, etc, he HAS to communicate it to me. Otherwise, I’m gone, it was a dealbreaker for me. And we both know I’m serious. And since that moment, he has night/day different.
To me, your guy is treating you poorly. Probably not on purpose, but he IS only thinking of himself. While the stress of seeing you may result in him cancelling, him not responding is disrespectful. I would also recommend not reassuring him of your feeling when he’s acting like a shit, all you’ve done is told him his bad behavior is ok with you. It’s like giving a toddler candy during the middle of a meltdown.
All I can recommend is to give him the space he’s requesting because his non-response IS a response. It’s just not the one you want. And when he pop back up, because we both know it when, not if. Be very straight and to the point about his communication and what you need from him. Do not be afraid to set boundaries. You need to protect your heart. But, until then, you need to decide if he does continue with this behavior, will you be ok with it?
When I first started seeing my bf, he would pull the same shit with me all the time. It would hurt me every time, but I kept allowing it. Last year I had planned a nice Valentine’s dinner. When I messaged him the night before to confirm, he came back with “Sorry, I’m going out of town for the day.” While, he did message me instead of his ignoring, I blew a gasket! The relationship ended right then and there. We went about 4 months without talking. Soon after we got back together, one night he apologized for all the times he would ignore my texts and leaving me hanging. He said he knew he hurt me and promised he wouldn’t do it to me again. A couple months later he did it again, ignored when plans were made. Therefore, I explicitly set boundaries. I made it cut/dry if needs space because he’s stressed, needs to cancel, etc, he HAS to communicate it to me. Otherwise, I’m gone, it was a dealbreaker for me. And we both know I’m serious. And since that moment, he has night/day different.
To me, your guy is treating you poorly. Probably not on purpose, but he IS only thinking of himself. While the stress of seeing you may result in him cancelling, him not responding is disrespectful. I would also recommend not reassuring him of your feeling when he’s acting like a shit, all you’ve done is told him his bad behavior is ok with you. It’s like giving a toddler candy during the middle of a meltdown.
All I can recommend is to give him the space he’s requesting because his non-response IS a response. It’s just not the one you want. And when he pop back up, because we both know it when, not if. Be very straight and to the point about his communication and what you need from him. Do not be afraid to set boundaries. You need to protect your heart. But, until then, you need to decide if he does continue with this behavior, will you be ok with it?
