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Sexual Assault I Need Some Advise...... I Can't Believe I Did This.

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Skye,

Mistakes do serve a purpose. We learn from them. Don't give up. You just made progress! You learned that engaging him makes you sad. (doesn't matter the effect on him.) (hey guys I got that!)
What matters is only you.


So now is not the time to give up. Now is the time to embrace the lesson you just learned you can move forward with more knowledge now. You go girl! Your glass is half FULL not half empty!
 
WW has a very good point. You can learn from your mistakes.

I wouldn't give him any more of your time. He has now shown that he is scared of you, so that should make you feeler safer. Still consider the other options that have been suggested to you. Just this time, think about the possible consequences before you act.

Now is not the time to give up! There is no right time to 'give up'. Are you seriously going to 'let' him continue to rule your life? You are entitled to time to 'recover' from this, but 'give up? No way!! ;)
 
I kinda feel like he is afraid of me....not sure why. Maybe his wife doesn't know the whole story. I am not sure.
I could just about guarantee that he is shit scared actually... his victim is taking back her power and standing up for herself, every abusers worst nightmare.

There is zero chance he would tell his wife that he sexually abused another woman. He would step all around it, and being a female yourself, and knowing female behaviour, what do you think she would do? Trust him even though he's lieing... to back her husband, even though she more than likely now has this little thought in her brain with intuition telling her different.

Sorry... but that's a proven logic and fact within female genetics, being more trusting and forgiving beings. But you will find the seed is planted in his wifes mind if she has read anything or been told anything by you... women remember. Its like being the first to report a person... if someone else ever confronts him, she will then add one + one and suddenly its no longer a maybe, and now her own attitude will shift towards... that's two women who have said he abused them. Once can be mistaken, twice doubtful, three times and there is not a chance.
 
I kinda feel like he is afraid of me....not sure why. Maybe his wife doesn't know the whole story. I am not sure.
You would be pretty close to the mark Skye as no man would want his wife to know a story such as yours and my guess would be, if she knew, she wouldn't be his wife unless she has no moral code of her own.

I would like to you think about what you wrote here and really focus on it...."you think he is kind of afraid of You"...now reach deeper and pull the power that statement holds and bring it into your thoughts. Let it run over and over in your mind like a favourite song until you know the words. This statement could help you turn your thinking around as it takes you from being the victim to one who now has the upper hand.


Unfortunately I have been feeling fearful of him coming to my house to hurt me though. All in all I don't think me doing this has helped me. :(

After reading the quote here please go back to my first quote of what you said and re-read it 10 times. Then in your mind delete the second comment I quoted from your thinking as the first one negates the second and the first is the more preferable thought process for you IMHO. ;)
 
Skye,

In your state, is there a statute of limitations on rape? I want to tell you I understand where you're coming from because I outed Casey on a forum when I was considering reporting him a year after raping me. I had finally cut ties with the person I thought he was (a friend of mine for three years prior to raping me), and NOT reporting him was eating me up inside. I was posting on a myspace group page about rape and said I was going to do it, I was going to report Casey.

Being vocal about it now has some empowering feelings for you, and it sort of makes you feel like you're doing something to fight back now. It makes you feel like you're doing everything you can now. It's absolutely not fair that rapists (or any abuser, etc) gets to live his life and move on, and he gets to be happy and the victim lives with the consequences. The victim feels that victimization for the rest of their life. The victim gets punished for the rest of their life, until you say ENOUGH. When you say 'enough' you don't stop the pain you feel, but you decide to DO something about what you're going through, and about the person who did it. So you decide to find any way to draw attention to the rapist so he can no longer live his privileged life and so the people around him to trust him finally understand he is a rapist.

When I told people on that forum that I was reporting Casey, someone emailed him and told him he was being reported for rape. That ruined my case against him. The thing about the internet is it's public. Ideally, the only people reading a forum on rape and sexual abuse are people who actually go through it, or care about someone who has gone through it, etc. But the truth is anyone can read this. Including other rapists, and people who know the guy who raped you, etc. These people don't care that this is a safe haven for you. Someone didn't care that I was fighting back by filing a report, and gave Casey a heads up so he can come up with a lie or whatever, making it impossible for anyone to convict him.

I reported him and a few days later I went to the police station to meet a detective working on the case, who had me sit in a room and call casey from a blocked number, while the call was being recorded. This was to try to get him to confess. I had no script or anything, I was just supposed to talk to him and get him to incriminate himself. He simply said he knows I reported him, and that he wasn't going to say anything. I hung up and the detective was furious at me because I basically told Casey myself that I was reporting him. I dropped that case.

My point is, Skye, if you plan on pressing charges or trying to build up any ammunition against him at all, do it right. Making contact with him can easily be validated by saying you wanted and needed closure, so you wanted to talk to him and try to figure things out in your head. Fine, but keep record of that contact (everything being said and when it was said, etc.). Then if HE makes contact with you and you feel threatened, record that, too. If he comes by your house, write that down and make a report. Make a file of everything he does in regards to you and your safety, and if you feel threatened, that is the major factor that police will look at. Make a report. You do NOT have to press charges if you make a report, this simply just puts it on his record. If he rapes someone else, then police can see he has history of whatever you put on that report.

If you simply want to shake him up, go ahead and post a photo album on facebook of the pictures you took and tag him in them, so he cannot delete the pictures but he CAN delete the tag of him. If that's what happens, tag him again. Or maybe tag him but set the privacy so he cannot see the photos, but other people can. Like the public can see the photos but he alone cannot.

I would also look up internet crime laws and educate yourself in them. Anything done online can be considered illegal, but the deciding factor for someone having a case is if that individual feels threatened or violated. Keep that in mind.
 
Another thing, Skye, if he comes to your house, be prepared and have a way to protect yourself or defend yourself. But if he comes to your house, you have a case against him and he is going to jail. He's going to jail because you know he isn't breaking in your house to have a chit chat over a cup of tea. He is there to hurt you. If you feel scared that he MIGHT be outside your house and you're afraid of him breaking in, call the police and have someone come by. If you think you hear someone breaking in, call the police and have someone come by. Absolutely trust your instincts in this.
 
I could just about guarantee that he is shit scared actually... his victim is taking back her power and standing up for herself, every abusers worst nightmare.


I totally agree. R---- tried to use intimidation to keep me from talking to others in his life. He didn't have to worry so much. I was to afraid of ruining my own reputation in our relatively small area to disclose to anyone what he had done. I hate to put it that way, but it was the way that I felt.
 
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