I Need Some Answers

[femaleveteran]

I just saw a couselor the other day at the VA. She cannot prescribe medications or anything and frankly I was not looking for any more medication as I just started with what I am on and would like to see if it works first.

However, I mentioned to her that I had not slept in about two days by the day i saw her and her first reaction was to suggest yet another medication. Someone else on the forum said the VA would turn a person into a pill-popper and I am beginnig to wonder if that is not true. Anyway, I told this therapist that she could talk to the doctor if she wanted about my sleep issues and that I had to be up at the VA most of that day anyway so she could call me and let me know what the doctor said. She called me later that afternoon and told me that they were going to give me a prescription to help with my sleep and my admitted agitation which I felt was only a by-product of not sleeping. I went to the pharmacy and they were out of the medication the doctor prescribed so I told them to just mail it to me. I have gone without sleep plenty of times after all and I must say that a few more nights with little or no sleep was really no big deal to me. Plus they were getting the medication in the next day but I did not want to drive 90 miles again one way to get to the VA to pick it up.

Well, I got the meds in the mail today and it is something call Respiridone. On the label it says I should take it for sleeplessness, mood and (here is the kicker) EXTREME PARANOIA. I do not know where anyone would have gotten this symptom from at all. I never complained to this counselor about any suspisious feelings or anything like that. I simply said I had been feeling a bit agitated and I felt it was more due to a lack of sleep than anything else.

So, after sitting here the last couple of hours thinking about this, now, I am starting to get angry. It is enough that I have PTSD on my record without having yet another lable on top of all of that -- Paranoia.

A big part of me wants to just stop playing all their reindeer games. I just feel like calling up this counselor on Monday and telling her I will not be attending anymore of her useless groups, taking any more of their useless medications nor will I further subject myself to these endless descriptions of my "mood" by people, like the doctor, who has only seen me over the last four months for a grand total of fifteen minutes. How in the world he got from the counselor that I was suffering from "extreme paranoia" i cannot figure out. I am tired of these people always trying to label something like PSTD as something else. I get the impression that if they can link it to anything other than my military servicee then they will try. Fact is that I coped rather well in life, in spite of some tough circumstances, prior to having to go to war in Iraq where I did three and a half tours (over a nearly seven year period of time) before I was injured.

Is paranoia even a symptom of PTSD? I have tried to do a serach for the symptoms and some sites say yes and some do not list paranoia at all. So I do not know what to think about any of this. It makes me mad that it is Friday and now I have to spend the rest of the weekend wanting to curse someone out and have no way to do so. Or maybe I am just mad at this whole situation. I have been getting jerked around enough with my physical issues and now I feel like they are playing games with me mentally as well. I know the VA has a lot on its plate but why is it so difficult to find someone who will shoot straight with me? It is almost as if they are afraid to attribute anything to one's military service because they are either afraid they will have to pay 100% service connected disability, which I already get due to the injury I received in iraq, or they are afraid that you will give them some bad press sometime in the future. Part of me just wants to never go to the VA ever again. I wish I never had gone to mental health at all at this point. I feel lost and alone enough without someone who did not even bother to see me, the other day, making such strong statements about me and what they might have heard was wrong with me from a third person. Which makes me also distrust the counselor who facilitates the PTSD group I go to ...I mean what in the heck did she tell the doctor to make him write such a strong statement on my medication label.

And yes, i am totally and thoroughly embarrased. Another big part of me never wants to go back to the VA even for my physical stuff. All doctors have access to your medciation list and they can also see what it is prescribed to treat. So they are all going to have this idea in their head that I am some extremely paranoid individual. And after a lifetime of handling things well, I just cannot handle being thought of by anyone in that light. I want to lock the door to my house from both the inside and the outside and never leave again. If I could dig a hole and bury myself alive then I would.

I do not know if anyone else has dealt with this kind of issue or if maybe I am being too sensitive about it, or thinking about it in the wrong way. I just thought I would share this experience today in case anyone has gone through something similar.

 

[seedling]

Have you done a search on the forum for Respiridone? I know I've seen it discussed before, with everyone's different experiences with it.

Sorry your treatment is so little and so spotty (at best!). Ultimate frustration. Good to vent on here. I think A Lot of us have felt all these ways off and on and can relate.

I've heard of varying degrees of cooperation from the VA on different people's posts. Have you checked out the Combat Forum?

I for one am more suspicious now. Or, to put it correctly, now I can be suspicious, whereas previously I never was. It surprised me and still does when I feel it. But extreme paranoia - that would take some time to diagnose I think.

I've found out that lying in bed with the covers over my head feels pretty good sometimes - no digging necessary

Be proud that you've done so well in your life, you'll make it through this too - come what may with the doctors and whatever is on your record. You aren't alone, hold your head up.

take care....

 

[femaleveteran]

thanks.. i have not checked out the combat PTSD forum, nmostly because I do not want to get into reading everyones war stories. Maybe it is not like that but I am sort of scared that it is and when I watch anything on TV about Iraq or when one of the vets in the groups talks about their war stories I can get fixated and it is almost like having a flashback I guess. Any sort of that talk takes me back and part of me wants to be back there because I feel like I have unfinished business. Does that make any sense?

Anyway I am not going to take this medication because I have heard from quite a few people that they had some "extreme" pyschological effects from that medication and lord knows I do not need to feel worse. I know it is an anti-psychotic medication and so the thought of taking it scares me enough for that reason alone.

Anyway thanks for the help and the suggestions. I really appreciate it.

 

[kers]

The thing with psychiatric medications is that they are used to treat multiple things. When a drug is used to treat something it's not specifically targeted/approved for, that's called an "off-label" use (and it's very common). For example, I take an antidepressant, not to treat depressive symptoms, but because its side effect is drowsiness and it helps me sleep like a baby. This kind of thing is quite common in PTSD. For example, other folks here take a high blood pressure med that has the curious side effect of improving sleep and reducing nightmares.

I did some poking online and it appears that Risperidone is prescribed to PTSD patients because while it's approved target is paranoia, it also targets hypervigilance (they manifest in similar ways), which facilitates sleep and reduces intrusive symptoms like flashbacks. I assume your doctor prescribed it for that reason, not because he believes you are paranoid or diagnosed with anything else but PTSD. I hope the next time you are in you will talk about your concerns.

It's a pity it wasn't explained to you, but it's good that you are proactive and look into what you are taking. I suggest that you discuss your concerns about side effects with your prescriber, rather than just choosing not to take it. Side effects are different for everyone, and your prescriber can best address your concerns, certainly moreso than the internet, which usually has worst-case scenarios.

 

[seedling]

femaleveteran,

Know what you mean about being hesitant to get on the combat forum. And the unfinished business too.

If you wanted to know what others' experiences or advice were with the VA you could start a thread in the appropriate section on the Combat Forum and ask a question that way. You could read the responses and not have to poke around in other threads etc..

I'm taking the herb Valerian to help me sleep. I take it a few times a week. It's not recommended to be taken with sedatives as it enhances the effect (la-la land) or to be taken every day for more than 2-3 weeks without a break. Sometimes I take a xanax during the day, so those nights I don't take valerian. There are many things you can try - prescription or not. Your reaction to each will be for you to monitor, see what does or does not agree with you.

Hope your physical recovery is on track. Good luck on the surgery.

 

[Ruth09]

Have you tried speaking to the Head person in charge of the Mental Health Clinic? The situation at my VA Hospital is that most of the "Doctors" are actually students getting their interns. There are "Doctors" that handle meds and another set that handle actual one-on-one treatment. They are supervised by STAFF, but there are breakdowns.
My situation started in a VA Clinic, not a VA Hospital. I ended up causing "trouble" at my VA Clinic and got my case moved to a VA Hospital. I got tired of the BS the Clinic was giving me and I went to the VA Hospital and complained about my treatment. In my case, the "Doctor" handling meds was not authorized to speak to my Psychologist, or visa-versa. (really.)
In a VA Hospital, this is different.

The person in charge of the Mental Health Clinic and only a few others are actually STAFF. The students brief the STAFF on their patients. If you don't feel you are getting the run around about your meds, you probably need to speak to the person in charge of the Clinic. If they blow you off, you can speak to someone at the Patient Advocate's Office. At Audie Murphy, every complaint goes down on paper. If there is a paper trail, people begin to worry about their jobs.

Also, you can really piss off them off by seeking help from the Person in charge of the VA ER, too. They hate it when you go to the ER during the operating hours of your clinic and your clinic's Doctor won't answer your questions about your pain meds. In my case, this turned out to be a Head Nurse that put a fire under that clinic's ASS to help me. She even followed up to make sure I was treated with decency and my issues were handled professionally.

I was concerned about my files and records, too. My Psychologist told me I could go down to Records? and ask them to FLAG my Mental Health records. This means that if anyone wants to take a peek at my records, their login information will get recorded. I can then ask to see who has been poking around in my VA records. I never did, but this might be an option for you.

Also, don't forget to file for your travel. I know you can spend all damn day at VA trying to get crap done that should only take a few minutes, but just stick with it. Take a breath and try not to strangle the first person that rolls your eyes at you.
Also,...keep a log. Everytime you ask a question, get the run around,...write it down and write down the jerk's name.
You can take this info to the Patient's Advocates Office.

Good Luck

 

[femaleveteran]

Yeah I apready ran into the issue about travel..I never knew I was able to get it until after my 8th visit the the VA when the Dental Clinic asked me if I needed a travel form to submit. I told them i did not think I was eligible for travel and they looked it up said I was and I got travel pay that day. I asked for retoractive travel and was laughed at pretty much. But hey, since I did not know i was supposed to get it because no one ever mentioned anything about travel when I first started going there, how was i supposed to know?

I am going to ask to see the doctor when I have the next appointment with the mental health intern on the 27th (whoever that might be) and I will find out more but I would soon rather not sleep than take this stuff with some of the side affects I have been hearing about.

I will also see about having my records flagged.

Thanks for the suggestions