General I Need To Know More Inside The Mind Of Ptsd

[Pinkmoon1]

I need to know more inside the mind of PTSD. Being on the other side is hard......not nearly as hard as to what you guys go through but there are days I feel like I'm jumping up and down screaming and he doesn't even see me!

 

[desiderata310]

What is it you want to know?

We are all very individual in all of this so it's hard to say what he's feeling/seeing/thinking.

There are usually things going on with wanting to quiet the circus going on inside his head. Could be anything from absolute fear to raging anger (depending on him). Sometimes it's all about keeping from falling into the trap of going back in time in your head, seeing danger in everything (sit in restaurants with my back to a wall)

A little more back ground would help us help you...

 

[Justmehere]

Try asking him in a better time what he is thinking in those times hr seems so distant. Maybe he can tell you what it is like for him?

 

[Pinkmoon1]

He is so wonderful and I am really proud of all that he has accomplished but I think our relationship is so new that he hides all his demons from me and only shows me the good parts of himself. When we started dating we talk a lot and did many fun things together and lately he has changed his focus on working out, loosing weight and furthering himself at work.....which means I've been put on the back burner. Its seems that overnight he all of a sudden was on a craze to better himself saying little things here and there like "why are you with a guy like me" "I can't believe you love me" if he only knew how I see him. So we went from seeing each other every second day or so and when things started to move more serious the brakes came on. I have given him his space and slowed the pace because I researched his condition more and I heard the best thing for me was to find support which brought me here. I love him but "Loving him" pushes him away.

 

[Pinkmoon1]

justmehere.....I think he's hiding this side from me, he's been judged by so many women and I think he thinks I'll be the same. How do I get him to see that I love all of him.....the good (oh which he has so much of he is amazing to me!), the bad and the ugly?

 

[desiderata310]

Hmmm... Again hard to say. When I do stuff like that I do it for a number of reasons.
Working out has a two fold benefit: endorphins and just feeling better about himself. Could also be that he is trying to be "worthy" of your attention. (hence the "I can't believe you love me")

He needs to be able to love himself before he can love you (hence why I won't get into another relationship right now- I am not at a place where I even LIKE me much)

Being with you could just be a trigger! I hate to say it but yeah he probably IS hiding from you. It's as much self preservation for him as it is for you. Do what you can on his terms. Ask him why he can't believe you love him. (he may not know or his answer may seem .. unreasonable)

I agree with @Justmehere Ask him when he isn't triggered what's going on in his head. Don't talk or gush. Just listen. Sometimes that seems harder than it sounds. That's how my therapist gets me to talk. I think he might of asked a handful of questions the other day and the rest of the talking my narrative. The beginning was bumpy and filled with silence.

Ask him if he trusts you. trust... at least for me, is HUGE. If you earned my trust, you've won the prize. It took 4 months of 2 a week therapy for me to trust my therapist. While he may really love you, he may not trust you. It's not personal, it's just the way it goes. It may take him a while to get to a level of trust where he can talk to you about things. Again, it's not personal- it's just our wiring.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

How do I get him to see that I love all of him.....the good (oh which he has so much of he is amazing to me!), the bad and the ugly?

Could you tell him that, labour the point that he doesn't have to show/share this with you but if he ever does choose to you are and will be there for him. Also when he says things that imply you deserve better, gently reassure him and tell him that you're happy with him, you love him and don't want anyone else better or not - do this as many times as he says it :)

 

[Justmehere]

justmehere.....I think he's hiding this side from me, he's been judged by so many women and I think he thinks I'll be the same. How do I get him to see that I love all of him.....the good (oh which he has so much of he is amazing to me!), the bad and the ugly?

I agree with what others have said. Lots of gentle unconditional acts of acceptance, lots of repetition and lots of time will help. He has a lot of "bad data" that he is not lovable by the women who treated him so badly. So now you two have to work together to build up "good data" and good experiences. In time, his brain will change and he will learn it is possible for him to be loved and to be safe.

It will also help if he is working hard in therapy on the trauma he has experienced in the past and how it is affecting him now. All you can control is you. You are already doing a lot right. Go easy with yourself too.