I Quit!!!!!!and I'm Okay With It.

[Mommaredfox]

I'm tired of trying and failing everything and everyone. I feel like a burden on everyone because I have nothing anymore. I just lost everything and asking for help just burdens people. No matter how much Ive done for other people, I ve never expected anything in return. I dont want to ask anyone for anything. I dont want anyone feeling obligated to help. I cant do this anymore. I cant seem to hold on to anything. No matter how hard i try. I fail. I QUIT. Everyone including me will be better off when Im gone.

 

[joeylittle]

I can identify with this feeling. I'm sorry you are surrounded by it, it's so, so painful.

Something you can question, though - it's up to other people to decide whether you are an obligation or a burden. You can't decide that for them. I have to remind myself of that often.

Another thing is: most of the time, when we want to die, we really are looking for relief - not death. There isn't any relief in death, only a total stopping.

Do you think you are in danger right now? Have you tried calling a hotline?

 

[Mommaredfox]

No danger right now and no I haven't called a hotline. I dont like the way they talk. They sound like they force the empathy or sympathy and it sounds like they are talking to me as though I were a child. Thank you for your encouraging words. It is much appreciated that SOMEONE out there cares. That I am not alone in the way I feel. I guess I'm just in a really dark place with a flashlight but dead batteries. This too shall pass. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

 

[joeylittle]

Yeah, I do know what you mean about the hotlines. There's a chat line - like, typing chat - and that takes some repeat trying, but usually it's staffed by people who have more training, I think. Anyway, it has been better for me, you might try it sometime.

And yep - dead batteries. Exactly. You are definitely not alone in the feelings, and I really am glad you can keep putting one foot in front of the other, at least for right now. I try and remember that, too - I don't have to live the rest of my life right now, just one more day.

Keep posting, it helps.

 

[Mommaredfox]

Thank you. I wish those hotlines were staffed not by people who are "trained to deal" with us but, by people who have experienced and overcome this particular difficulty we call life.

 

[joeylittle]

It's a great point. The one thing my therapist will never truly understand is what it's like to be in a suicidal place - even though he's done tons of crisis work and is really good at it (I'm lucky to have a T so good at it) - he can't fully understand, and there is always that gulf between my state and his words.

 

[MysticRose]

I understand your feelings, I have them as well. Not daily, not weekly, but sometimes. It just seems as if nobody appreciates your presence. And the more you think about it, the worse you feel. Suddenly, your whole world seems negative and not worth it. But really, there ARE people who'll enjoy your presence and appreciate you the way you are! For me, my daughters are the 2 that keep me on the right track.

It's hard to get through these days, but it might be helpful to write down some positive thoughts you can read when you feel like this again. Good luck! You're NOT alone, and you do not have to get through this all by yourself!

 

[Smile]

@joeylittle , what's the name of the online chat you mentioned?

 

[joeylittle]

@Smile, it's run by Life Line - here's a link to the info page: (this is a U.S. resource, but I would not be surprised if other national hotlines had chat as well)
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

Asking for help doesn't burden people if they are true friends, or loving family. Most likely, you have poured your energy into selfish, emotionally vampiric people, who are of no benefit to you.

 

[Smile]

@joeylittle thank you!

 

[Changing4Best]

I have felt at times that I am a burden to friends and family, but I was told once not to ever feel like I am a burden or that my needs are unimportant. The person who told me this helped me to see that I matter and that my life makes a difference. I may not be able to contribute much, but maybe just a smile and being willing to listen to someone is enough. I don't have to climb Mt. Everest to be considered valuable in some small way to others.