I Think I Finally Broke

[Rosalia]

I don't believe in true love, but I think I may have accidentally found the perfect man for me. He lives three hours away. I made the mistake of sending him a message on OkCupid and he was dumb enough to respond, and we've spent all month talking to each other for hours at a time. This week my a friend of mine invited me to stay with her for a week, and she happens to live in between us, so I invited him up to meet me. And he was everything I expected. We'd talked about it before, but when he got here we finally had the conversation I'd been dreading: three hours away is just too far. He doesn't think it could work, but I'm just not convinced. I've got no problem with traveling down to where he lives every week, but he just doesn't want to put me through that. He's the one that's called me and stayed up with me talking into the early morning hours. I never called him once. I know he feels the strong connection that we have, but he just won't listen to me. He thinks that he's supposed to live an unhappy life and I don't know what to do about it. I mean, I know I obviously need to move on if he's truly uninterested, but I know that he's not. I just wanna vomit, it hurts so much.

Life is so meaningless, and I don't mean that to sound suicidal, but I don't need some bullshit sugar pill about Jesus or the beauty of sunsets or whatever. Life is just truly f*cking pointless.

 

[Muzikluvr]

Life is about problem solving. Problem solving depends on your ability to be creative. Your creativity is only limited by your values. What do you value that is holding you back? Is it worth more than pursuing a relationship with someone who may mean the world to you?

If he cannot give up whatever it is that he values more than the pursuit of a relationship with you... then, what have you learned about him? Is it selfishness? Find out what's holding him back, and decide if someone who values whatever it is over you is really the connection you need in your life. If it is a worthy value, then discuss a compromise which will solve the problem.

A relationship with someone who cannot compromise, cannot work together to solve a problem is one doomed to have at least one sufferer and one master, IMHO. Don't give up on your life, just because someone you met is willing to throw away a chance at happiness.

 

[Rosalia]

That means the world to me, Muzikluvr. Thank you.

 

[nomedic1]

If he doesn't see the beautiful opportunity presented to him,he doesn't deserve you.

 

[Rosalia]

Thank you, nomedic1. Maybe someday I'll see it that way :)

 

[anthony]

In one sense, the guy is right that 3 hours away will cause problems. Long distance relationship don't work ongoing, and even 3 hours is long because you can't be together normally. A relationship can have times apart, sure, and survive... but they don't work when starting out apart nor do they work when one is living in one location, the other another, and seeing each other a couple times a year. That is normally the signs that one or both are waiting for something better to come along.

There are always exceptions, but the above is the rule if you look honestly. Starting a relationship apart is no start to a relationship. At the end of the day, one has to move closer to the other so you can get to know each other in the true sense of daily life, not the false sense where each makes time to email, text or Skype, then get on with their lives individually.

 

[Rosalia]

I offered to visit every weekend. I figured out how and explained it to him, even said I'd consider moving in a year but he's just cut me off completely. I've decided to cut my losses. It just hurts and it sucks.

 

[Muzikluvr]

I'm sorry. It does suck. Some people aren't always what they seem to be...

 

[anthony]

Well, I guess at least you know where you stand, which is good in one sense. It sucks that we go through pain that essentially I often just can't wrap my head around why we do it to ourselves, to others!

To be human is so many things... but cruel is in the mix of things that we are.