I think I deserve something better, but I need time

[Emrlia]

My ex broke up with me last month. He doesn't communicate. When I reach out for comfort he just mind more about computer games. I have to push him for things. If I don't, I never get the result. If I do push him he claims he doesn't want to do it because I pushed. He broke up with me over phone when I'm having the worst life and need the most support. I don't want to contact him anymore but he just wouldn't give my things back. Today I asked him but he's not happy because he thinks I'm pushing him again, and he doesn't like it. Today he also listed how I'm a unsuccessful individual again. I cried until I don't have any strength. I think I love him and maybe he does too, but he just doesn't know how to communicate properly. He tends to suppress his feelings. I feel sad we have to end this way. And I'm extremely sad he had to leave me and blame me for everything.

I can't stop going back to him and ask if we can make amends

 

[parrotthepolly]

It sounds like he doesn't love you if you need to go out of your way and don't even get results?

He left you when you really needed support and wouldn't even give your stuff back and that says a lot.

I gather you're quite young (under 30) and don't believe it but everything he does proves he doesn't care about you one bit and it's for the best that you two have broken up. You deserve better honestly.

It's clearly a trauma bond, not love.

 

[Friday]

Jane Says. Jane’s Addiction.

Jane says, "I've never been in love"
No, she don't know what it is
She only knows if someone wants her
"I want 'em if they want me

 

[AnthonyDrake]

You deserve better. Focus on yourself and get your things back.

 

[Emrlia]

It sounds like he doesn't love you if you need to go out of your way and don't even get results?

He left you when you really needed support and wouldn't even give your stuff back and that says a lot.

I gather you're quite young (under 30) and don't believe it but everything he does proves he doesn't care about you one bit and it's for the best that you two have broken up. You deserve better honestly.

It's clearly a trauma bond, not love.

Thank you. He is a decent person. He does have his existential "imperfections" and he did not have the ability of showing the level of empathy and understanding toward me during tough times. He did comfort me in a gentle way and suggested it's okay I just have PTSD, which motivated me to look into it and realized for the first time that I have CPTSD.

Only until recently did I realize when I interacted with him, I was almost always driven by my critic and was flashingback, just like how I have been driven by my critics in other social settings.

I agree with you that it is the best that we broke up now, provided me with the time to reflect and focus more on myself instead of mourning for answers from the outside. That was too much pressure for any person. We ended in the Power Struggle stage and that's okay. My critic enjoyed the pain in this relationship. However me in this moment know how to shrink my critic and treat myself better. I deserve real nurturing and supporting relationships.

 

[Emrlia]

You deserve better. Focus on yourself and get your things back.

I appreciate your encouragement!

 

[arfie]

i'll second @AnthonyDrake 's suggestion to focus on yourself. i have no doubt my husband is the love of my life, but he does not have the power to make me complete. when i am feeling broken, lost and alone, working on my own, strictly personal issues is far more potent than anything HE can do.