Last December I passed out fully dressed in a friend's bathroom after a night out, it was just me and him in his room. I was fully dressed when I passed out and the last thing I remember before falling asleep fully was him picking me up. I woke up the next morning with my jeans and shoes off and I just felt dread and anxiety and I felt sick and so, so out of it.
The first thought that came to my mind was who I had sex with, I was seeing someone at the time so wouldn't have gotten with anyone. I also don't have one night stands so this thought would usually have never crossed my mind. And, even though I had been in his room a lot of times before, I had no idea where I was and when I saw him on the floor I just felt my stomach drop. He said how I must be wondering where my jeans had gone and said he'd taken them off because I would've been uncomfortable sleeping in them, he then said how I don't need to worry because he slept on the floor but I still felt so uneay and like I had to get out the room, it was like being in the room was suffocating me and I just knew I wasn't safe. When I went to get dressed I knew exactly where my jeans were which is weird because I wasn't conscious when they were taken off, they were just crumpled at the foot of the bed with my shoes which again is weird because I passed out fully dresed in the bathroom. By this point, he was saying I could stay as long as I wanted but I kept telling him I needed to leave. Even though my pants were still on when I woke up I just couldn't stay in his room and I couldn't be around him.
As soon as I left his room I felt like I could breathe again, it was like relief I guess. I felt less anxious and didn't feel sick and I didn't feel like I was suffocating anymore. My legs were really shaky and I felt empty, it feels like I was dreaming that whole day. I'd finished my period the morning before this happened and when I was bleeding again I just assumed that it was a weird coincidence but I had to change sanitary products during the day and the blood was new. I just assumed it was a weird coincidence and just something odd that he tried to be a good friend but it just backfired but I felt so much shame and I hated myself and in the weeks after I had to convince myself I would be safe in his precense when he asked to meet up, having to give myself a pep talk about how we were in public and he won't be able to hurt me. He once asked if I wanted to go back to his room to hang out fro a bit because we were both bored and I felt so ill I said I was going to go to sleep and just couldn't breathe, just sat staring at my wall with a pit in my stomach at the thought of going to his room.
I confided in two friends that didn't hang out with him a month after it happened because a week after this happened as we were talking about him anyway and I thought it would be something that we could all laugh at in the moment because it's just something weird that happened. They said it sounded really rapey and nothing about the situation was normal. I've even asked a couple of mutual friends I have with him (we have a large shared friendship group) and they said the same thing and that it sounds like rape. But I don't know. They encouraged me to report it so I did, and the police have the rape specialists investigating it but I'm too scared to name him or support an investigation in case I am completely overreacting.
The first thought that came to my mind was who I had sex with, I was seeing someone at the time so wouldn't have gotten with anyone. I also don't have one night stands so this thought would usually have never crossed my mind. And, even though I had been in his room a lot of times before, I had no idea where I was and when I saw him on the floor I just felt my stomach drop. He said how I must be wondering where my jeans had gone and said he'd taken them off because I would've been uncomfortable sleeping in them, he then said how I don't need to worry because he slept on the floor but I still felt so uneay and like I had to get out the room, it was like being in the room was suffocating me and I just knew I wasn't safe. When I went to get dressed I knew exactly where my jeans were which is weird because I wasn't conscious when they were taken off, they were just crumpled at the foot of the bed with my shoes which again is weird because I passed out fully dresed in the bathroom. By this point, he was saying I could stay as long as I wanted but I kept telling him I needed to leave. Even though my pants were still on when I woke up I just couldn't stay in his room and I couldn't be around him.
As soon as I left his room I felt like I could breathe again, it was like relief I guess. I felt less anxious and didn't feel sick and I didn't feel like I was suffocating anymore. My legs were really shaky and I felt empty, it feels like I was dreaming that whole day. I'd finished my period the morning before this happened and when I was bleeding again I just assumed that it was a weird coincidence but I had to change sanitary products during the day and the blood was new. I just assumed it was a weird coincidence and just something odd that he tried to be a good friend but it just backfired but I felt so much shame and I hated myself and in the weeks after I had to convince myself I would be safe in his precense when he asked to meet up, having to give myself a pep talk about how we were in public and he won't be able to hurt me. He once asked if I wanted to go back to his room to hang out fro a bit because we were both bored and I felt so ill I said I was going to go to sleep and just couldn't breathe, just sat staring at my wall with a pit in my stomach at the thought of going to his room.
I confided in two friends that didn't hang out with him a month after it happened because a week after this happened as we were talking about him anyway and I thought it would be something that we could all laugh at in the moment because it's just something weird that happened. They said it sounded really rapey and nothing about the situation was normal. I've even asked a couple of mutual friends I have with him (we have a large shared friendship group) and they said the same thing and that it sounds like rape. But I don't know. They encouraged me to report it so I did, and the police have the rape specialists investigating it but I'm too scared to name him or support an investigation in case I am completely overreacting.