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Sexual Assault I think I was sexually assaulted by a close friend when I was unconscious

ncc99

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Last December I passed out fully dressed in a friend's bathroom after a night out, it was just me and him in his room. I was fully dressed when I passed out and the last thing I remember before falling asleep fully was him picking me up. I woke up the next morning with my jeans and shoes off and I just felt dread and anxiety and I felt sick and so, so out of it.

The first thought that came to my mind was who I had sex with, I was seeing someone at the time so wouldn't have gotten with anyone. I also don't have one night stands so this thought would usually have never crossed my mind. And, even though I had been in his room a lot of times before, I had no idea where I was and when I saw him on the floor I just felt my stomach drop. He said how I must be wondering where my jeans had gone and said he'd taken them off because I would've been uncomfortable sleeping in them, he then said how I don't need to worry because he slept on the floor but I still felt so uneay and like I had to get out the room, it was like being in the room was suffocating me and I just knew I wasn't safe. When I went to get dressed I knew exactly where my jeans were which is weird because I wasn't conscious when they were taken off, they were just crumpled at the foot of the bed with my shoes which again is weird because I passed out fully dresed in the bathroom. By this point, he was saying I could stay as long as I wanted but I kept telling him I needed to leave. Even though my pants were still on when I woke up I just couldn't stay in his room and I couldn't be around him.

As soon as I left his room I felt like I could breathe again, it was like relief I guess. I felt less anxious and didn't feel sick and I didn't feel like I was suffocating anymore. My legs were really shaky and I felt empty, it feels like I was dreaming that whole day. I'd finished my period the morning before this happened and when I was bleeding again I just assumed that it was a weird coincidence but I had to change sanitary products during the day and the blood was new. I just assumed it was a weird coincidence and just something odd that he tried to be a good friend but it just backfired but I felt so much shame and I hated myself and in the weeks after I had to convince myself I would be safe in his precense when he asked to meet up, having to give myself a pep talk about how we were in public and he won't be able to hurt me. He once asked if I wanted to go back to his room to hang out fro a bit because we were both bored and I felt so ill I said I was going to go to sleep and just couldn't breathe, just sat staring at my wall with a pit in my stomach at the thought of going to his room.

I confided in two friends that didn't hang out with him a month after it happened because a week after this happened as we were talking about him anyway and I thought it would be something that we could all laugh at in the moment because it's just something weird that happened. They said it sounded really rapey and nothing about the situation was normal. I've even asked a couple of mutual friends I have with him (we have a large shared friendship group) and they said the same thing and that it sounds like rape. But I don't know. They encouraged me to report it so I did, and the police have the rape specialists investigating it but I'm too scared to name him or support an investigation in case I am completely overreacting.
 
I’m pleased you have some specialists who can hopefully help give you some answers.

On the face of it, you can’t leave someone passed out drunk unattended on the bathroom floor. Quite often I have put very drunk friends to bed. I’d definitely take shoes/coats/hoodies off them, and I would take jeans/tops off if they’d been sick, or were really dirty, or the person was very hot. Underwear always stays on. You also can’t leave a passed out drunk person alone in a room incase they throw up and choke on their own vomit (and yes, it does happen, I lost an alcoholic relative to this). So on those facts, your friend did exactly the same thing I would have done. Take off the outer clothes, put them in a bed, stay in the same room.

As for anything else happening, nobody can guess that, and hopefully that’s what the specialists will be able to do for you to give you some closure either way.
 
It sounds difficult.

With the bleeding, if you're thinking you were bleeding from being raped - were you in pain? Bleeding from being raped would mean an injury, and you would likely have felt sore? (Speaking as someone who has experienced that).

I don't know your age, but my period has a habit of coming back after a day of it going. I'm peri menopausal though and this seems to have started around that time. But it's common for me now to stop/start bleeding.


And everything @No More says.


It sounds distressing either way.
 
Personally maybe that depends on customs where you live, but that situation would make me creeper out whether or not it's assault and whether or not you report it or not. Reporting it is either about justice for you of preventing someone from harm. So that has to be your decision.

My own situation was different but I was abroad on my own for the summer so reporting did not feel safe. I go back and forth on that but I was young so I'm making my peace with it.

However, my 2c on the being drunk thing: while I agree on the moving someone to bedroom and staying so they Don't choke, I agree with taking off top layer of clothes or shoes. Might be old fashioned of me but Personally I Don't feel OK with anyone I'm not sleeping with that is from the opposite sex seeing me in underwear without my consent. It's just icky. And not to mention not safe in my experience. I mean depends on the setting and you can have friends you're safe with... but as someone who has had more than 1 friend make things uncomfortable and cross boundaries they shouldn't, and has been through trauma in childhood and then didn't know how to keep my boundaries to be understood... I just believe in being careful. Trust can be built but for someone to feel it's OK to do that unless they are sure it's OK for me is invasive.

So if I was sure nothing happened with the friend but what he did made you uncomfortable that's still something that I'd talk with that person about. Bug the person that hurt me was a 'friend' and said all the things friend says, until things turned into a situation I couldn't get out of. I'm not saying don't trust people but I'm saying be cautious and learn how to protect yourself too. If you feel uncomfortable don't stay silent, always stand your position and be clear. I'm sorry if any of this sounds like an overreaction. This is just sounding so many red alarms for me which I tried to think I was overreacting and I should trust more and then it turned out I was right. So Don't close yourself to people but definitely trust your intuition. Things that are OK for one person are not the same for someone else and sometimes you have to spell out your boundaries to be understood. I hope you know that. And if you need extra support write in my diary or on my wall, I'm here.

THAT being said, I agree with @Movingforward10 , I have had periods that would start after stopping when I wasn't around anyone. Periods are very different in different people.
But if something did happen I'm really sorry, been there and it was really hard. Please Dont hesitate to reach out.
 
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