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Sexual Assault Was I Sexually Assaulted, or Did I Cheat?

Note: These "family members" are people who I am not related to by blood or law. They are people who took me in and groomed me when I was 16 after dating their son


When I was 16 I met my chosen mother and father after dating their foster son. They took me in as their own because I was homeless and still call me their daughter to this day. Really weird. I do not identify them as family anymore.

Five years ago. I got engaged. A man I saw as my uncle (we'll call him Gavin) (he is a few years older than me, and I see/saw him as my uncle because his sister is like a mother to me) told me he wanted to hang out and get to know me before I moved across the country to my husband who is in the US Navy. We had hung out before at family events and holidays and he never tried anything then.
(I put through ChatGPT, something I do with my own trauma journal entries, for clarity.)

I'm sorry to hear about what you've been through. It's important to recognize that what happened to you was not your fault. From your description, it's clear that you were manipulated, coerced, and sexually assaulted by someone you thought you could trust, and this is a serious violation.

Here are some key points to consider:

  1. Understanding Sexual Assault: What you described—being pressured, manipulated, and physically forced into sexual acts against your will—is sexual assault. Consent should be enthusiastic, informed, and ongoing. Your reactions of discomfort, tears, and verbal objections clearly indicate that you did not consent to these actions.
  2. Manipulation and Grooming: It appears that Gavin used various tactics to manipulate and groom you into situations where he could take advantage of you. This includes emotional manipulation, isolation, and gaslighting (making you doubt your own experiences and feelings).
  3. Response and Blame: It's not uncommon for victims of sexual assault to blame themselves or question their actions afterward. However, it's important to reaffirm that you are not to blame for what happened. Gavin's behavior is entirely his responsibility, and he abused your trust and vulnerability.
  4. Impact on Relationships: It's understandable that you may have struggled to disclose this to your husband given the complexity and emotional weight of the situation. Your husband's response should ideally be one of support and understanding. It's important for both of you to seek support from trusted individuals or professionals to navigate the impact on your marriage.
  5. Seeking Help: Consider reaching out to a professional counselor or therapist who specializes in trauma and sexual assault. Talking to a trained professional can help you process your feelings, understand your responses, and work towards healing and empowerment.
  6. Legal Considerations: If you feel comfortable and safe doing so, you may want to consider reporting Gavin's actions to the authorities. However, this can be a complex decision, and it's important to prioritize your safety and emotional well-being.
Remember, your feelings and responses are valid, and you deserve support and compassion. It's not uncommon for victims of sexual assault to experience confusion, self-blame, and difficulty in processing the trauma. Please prioritize your well-being and seek help from trusted sources. You are not alone in this, and healing is possible with the right support and resources.
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Nope. Not at all. Being honest about my reaction to someone I love being hurt & lying to me about it? Has almost nothing to do about them. It’s MY reaction, to THEM a) being hurt & b) lying to me.

It doesn’t mean I don’t understand the impulse. On the contrary, it tells me exactly how little I can trust them about anything important.

Lack of empathy? Would be not giving a f*ck if someone is being raped. Over, and over, and over.
Hey I just wanted to say that perhaps my reaction is because I identify with OP and know what it’s like to give in to people who you don’t want to have sex with because you’re vulnerable.
Basically you don’t have a lot of options and these pieces of suit know that.

What you said may be not what OP needed to hear, she already blames herself and I worry her husband may be not the best for her either.
I hope he’s growing with her but some people are taken advantage of their whole lives.
I’ve seen you in other posts and you don’t seem like a bad person, you’re offering a different view but maybe just be careful, “taking their happy ass off to be raped” you really think she’s happy?
Anyway I just wanted to clarify that I was a bit triggered, I can see that we all support each other and I hope you still stay honest and give your much needed perspective