Sexual Assault I think i was raped by my father

[Casey_03]

When I was in my "active phase" of trying to remember (years ago, before all the memories had surfaced on their own), there were several family members I thought it could have been. I was desperate to remember, so I started thinking about which family members were a little bit strange or gave me a weird vibe. Basically, my memories changed after I'd become suspicious and I'd remember that person being involved. This went on for years, and I ended up thinking several relatives were involved. But then later, once I STOPPED being so desperate to remember and STOPPED trying to find suspects in my mind, the memories surfaced on their own, and it most definitely was not any of these family members. My memories had literally been shaped by me trying so hard to find the culprit. The real memories that came about on their own were drastically different than the ones that I made myself "remember" when I was actively searching for the abuser.

 

[Casey_03]

There was one instance where I kept thinking it was one of my uncles. Because I always remembered him being really weird and kinda freaking me out as a kid, and he later turned into a hermit and stopped talking to the family. So he seemed suspicious to me. And I kept having this memory of me with him, and the more I thought about it, the more I started to "remember" that he abused me on a certain occasion. I was so sure.

But I was wrong. Once I stopped trying so hard to recover the memories, the real memory surfaced and the "abusive" incident I thought had occurred had actually not occurred at all -- he was mentally handicapped, and the me being "freaked out" I kept remembering was just me being a kid and not understanding what it means to be mentally disabled. The incident I "remembered" of me being alone with him during the "abuse" was actually him having a near meltdown because I'd accidentally cut my finger on a tape dispenser and he rushed me into a bathroom to get a bandaid on it, not wanting my parents to see because he thought they'd blame him for not watching me closely enough. It did freak me out at the time, but it wasn't abuse.

(Again, not saying anyone else's memories are invalid or anything -- just want to illustrate how it is possible to have false memories, especially of things that happened when you're a kid)

 

[Slkobe]

Ah I see, that is very helpful. Thank you

I definitely believe the memories of my grandmother are real unfortunately. She has always had a problem with boundaries and hearing the word "no." She allows her boyfriends to talk about me and my body in a very sexual and disgusting way and is always bragging about how pretty I am as well and the "special" relationship that me and she share... uhhh?? I can't stand her. Anyways, thanks for the reply

 

[Casey_03]

Yes, I should stress that I am in no way saying victims' memories shouldn't be trusted, but rather urging people to be absolutely 100% certain before they actually make any accusations. In my experience, if you are actively trying to recover memories, you should be skeptical of what you do remember. But if you just have memories that surface on their own, I'd say those are trustworthy.