Relationship I Think This May Be Too Much For Me To Handle.

[Azsun]

Thank you so much, everyone. I completely agree with every thing said and laughed a couple of times too. I already had decided for the most part that weird night out that I wanted it over, and now even more so. I just really needed to get it out in words and hear from another's perspective. This behavior is definitely not something I would ever put up with from anyone, PTSD or not. I don't know why I had considered it. I had invested myself emotionally into him, and that has been difficult to let go, especially when I remember how good it was in the beginning, which is not something I experience with men. But I do know I am better than this, deserve way better, am not happy and not giving it another thought. Now, I just have to decide whether to answer his call, and if I do and he wants to see me, should I tell him why I don't, or just say in brief that I don't think we are right for each other. I think the best thing is to just leave it be and be brief because I don't want the confrontation. He's manipulative and rude, and I am not, so I'd just be the one feeling hurt most likely. He has texted this week a couple of times, called me babe, crap like that. He called too, and I was on the other line, so I answered and was able to keep it brief. So, I do think he will try to continue it in some way; however, I am done.

Thanks again. I have much appreciation for all your advice and just taking the time to read about it. I hope for the best of happiness and love to you all.

 

[ashdawn8287]

Good for you, you deserve better.

 

[PeekieBlue]

A suggestion for the future. Instead of analysing a situation as I used to do in my past far too much, learn to not think but just feel. When you are with someone pay attention to how your body responds and not what's going on in your head. The stomach for instance can tells us a lot about how we really feel about someone or a situation.

Go with your real bodily feelings and sensations not what you are trying to convince yourself of in your head by thinking too much.

This might all sound a bit 'hippy' but it makes sense if you can crack it.

 

[Azsun]

You are totally right, and this is part of why I decided this past weekend that it was too much for me, and I didn't believe what he was telling me. I realized that what I had been thinking about and rationalizing with my mind by thinking he had ptsd things going on and that I should be understanding, were really not that at all. I knew it when my stomach was in knots all day and for a few days when it all came together, and I just knew it was wrong.

I'm learning to trust my gut feeling and go with it and not keep trying to rationalize or think it through.

Thanks, you're so right.

 

[Bilby]

Actually PeekieBlue, it doesn't sound hippy at all.

It's actually a really useful tool, and is often a way of explaining to children how they can be aware if they are in a situation where something is happening that is wrong, and when they should seek help.

 

[PeekieBlue]

I had to force myself to rely on the feeling tool to stop myself from getting back with my ex partner. I kept making excuses for his terrible behaviour. Fair enough he was going through intense therapy at the time and hit rock bottom but when things still didn't improve at the end of therapy I started to stop making excuses and go with my gut feeling.

Only a few days ago he came to my house (unnanounced) wanting to collect something, saying he still lived me etc. unfortunately his anger and aggression started to surface as I was not responding how he wanted.

Although I have missed him and feel guilty I have to admit my body felt uncomfortable when he was here. I simply could not handle the Agro and stress he brings to me.

Hence when he left I trusted my bodily feelings and not the thoughts in my head which are me trying to convince myself we should get back together.

Until (if ever) I can be in his Company again and feel 100 per cent happy and relaxed then I do not want him around me. End of.

 

[strongandsmart25]

Ya...I just about threw up when, after what seemed like an ok "make-up" ish type of visit with my ex and as we were having coffee on Sunday morning, he casually tells me he had been on Match but that it was lame because there were no attractive women, the women who were attractive he didn't feel like contacting, and plus a membership cost too much and "you can't do anything with the dumb free membership" (Yes - I kid you not. He actually had the gall to COMPLAIN to me about a dating site and how frustrating it was). God only knows what I was thinking but my bodily reaction was racing heart and nausea. I'm only now processing it because it was so much for me at the time but here is my current conclusion...I'm PISSED ! :mad:

And no, he doesn't get to know that. That is all mine right now. More processing needed plus my birthday is this Saturday and I am really curious to see if he actually remembers. I'm betting a big NOT on that one, even though we've dated on and off since Dec 2010...

I'm really hoping I get into the fine state of Who Gives a Flying Fig by the time Saturday rolls around...:alien:

 

[PeekieBlue]

Strongandsmart (live by your name girlfriend),

Oh no, I can understand how hurtful that must have been. How could he be so insensitive!! The fact he is on a dating site, are you really wanting to continue seeing him?

I am sure you are a wonderful great catch fôr some lovely guy out there so maybe its time to get yourself on a dating site too and see what happens. He hasn't put a ring on your finger so you are free to please yourself :-)

Be interesting to see if he makes an effort on your birthday. If not, blank him and make him realise you are a princess and deserve a lot better. Have you ever wondered how some women who aren't necessarily stunning have men falling at their feet? It's because they have such high self esteem and take no nonsense and men seem to want them even more for that.

Remember....you're a goddess and you deserve better than that!

 

[strongandsmart25]

Ha ha - believe me, I hear you Peekie but it's way easier to give advice than to take it !

Not that I should have to defend myself but I think you might not know what the deal is exactly. He's kind of a dork/clueless. Believe me, I've dated the type that are on the dating sites and know their way around. The players. This guy is not that type. He went on there to get his ego stroked and we were broken up (still are) so it wasn't like he was cheating. He was/is too frugal to pay for a membership though so he didn't get much out of the "free profile" part.

The issue for me is just that we spent 24 hours together - with a lot of sex and holding hands and cuddling and all that - only for him to casually mention that he'd done the free Match profile thing. If he had only just called me last night or texted me to say "hey honey, did you make it home ok?" or whatever, I would have no problem letting this whole thing go. Heck, I had my own free profile on Date Hookup myself for about 3 weeks there so who am I to judge?! But, the point is that I just am on here for support, venting, companionship and hopefully to laugh a little. But the last thing I need is judgy-stuff.

I agree - he doesn't deserve me! :) At all! But that doesn't mean I don't love him and I need to come to grips with that on my own terms. Thank you for the sweet wishes.

 

[strongandsmart25]

And I do live up to my name - every 60 seconds. I sure do. Just sometimes, being strong and smart is not all it's cracked up to be because sometimes you see more than you want to.

 

[PeekieBlue]

I know. Sometimes life should just be easier and not such a challenge all the time.

 

[PeekieBlue]

Just a suggestion. It's taken me years to realise men really are so straightforward. There's a possibility he has no idea whatsoever that what he did was wrong. Tell him exactly what he did wrong.

I remember a guy once almost begging me to tell him where he was going wrong as he honestly didn't have a clue. I was dumbfounded but it makes me chuckle to think of it now. He was no young lad either, been round the block etc but a typical man. Maybe your guy just needs its spelt out to him?