I thought I had beaten it.

[Susan Jane]

PTSD has held me tight most of my life. I haven’t been engaging on the site for a while. I got through a terrible bout using a Ketamine IV treatment, which pulled me out of the worst. It’s actually interesting how much better it felt for some time. When I am not in it, I feel like it’s cured. I guess I may have erred. Actually I think I am starting again but on a different base level. I would appreciate some support Susan

 

[Sideways]

PTSD tends to be episodic, which is shit. Sorry you’re back there again.

But, on the up side - all of the skills you had to learn and use to recover the last time? You have ready access to this time round.

 

[Susan Jane]

PTSD tends to be episodic, which is shit. Sorry you’re back there again.

But, on the up side - all of the skills you had to learn and use to recover the last time? You have ready access to this time round.

So true! I tell myself that every time my mind goes to”I can’t do this again”. I appreciate the reminder. Thank you

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

sidways is right. every season you get through, the more skill you pick up for next time. doesn't necessarily mean the bouts will get easier every time but can mean getting out of them smoother when it starts easing up.
had a bad time recently, felt like I was dying, most acute episode in over a year, thought I was losing everything I knew in how to look after it all, but I got through it. things are closer to "normal" again. it is possible to do it again.


also sometimes settling with just surviving is helpful, as in, not putting too much pressure to do things the best way, because it's not always going to be possible to do stuff close to how you do when things are going well. reframing what an achievement is for the situation. so you can still do well, relative to whats going on now. instead of keeping the bar at temporarily-unreachable heights. I try to set myself new directives, or cut down the list so Im not angry the entire time that I can't achieve it. can get as simple as: eat, change clothes. with time the bar can be gradually raised again.

 

[Freemartin]

words of wisdom, right there! ^

 

[Susan Jane]

sidways is right. every season you get through, the more skill you pick up for next time. doesn't necessarily mean the bouts will get easier every time but can mean getting out of them smoother when it starts easing up.
had a bad time recently, felt like I was dying, most acute episode in over a year, thought I was losing everything I knew in how to look after it all, but I got through it. things are closer to "normal" again. it is possible to do it again.


also sometimes settling with just surviving is helpful, as in, not putting too much pressure to do things the best way, because it's not always going to be possible to do stuff close to how you do when things are going well. reframing what an achievement is for the situation. so you can still do well, relative to whats going on now. instead of keeping the bar at temporarily-unreachable heights. I try to set myself new directives, or cut down the list so Im not angry the entire time that I can't achieve it. can get as simple as: eat, change clothes. with time the bar can be gradually raised again.

Thank you! Your words help, I am keeping hydrated and changing clothes at the moment. I even washed my hair today . This me is so different to the motivated me. I find it hard to be with her.

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

Thank you! Your words help, I am keeping hydrated and changing clothes at the moment. I even washed my hair today . This me is so different to the motivated me. I find it hard to be with her.

hah, I had a shiower and washed my hair the day after you sent this.
it is difficult, but good that youre trying to be kind to and be with her. I know it's not second nature to be tolerant/comfortable of being in this place. good youre keeping up with the little things, does help.

I dont know if you find it hard to drink but what helps me is to have a bottle in the fridge, because I find cold water a lot more appetising (and refreshing). it's one of those glass bottles with a stopper so I refill it every time I use it and always have some there. I think also having an amount to finish helps motivate you.

 

[ms spock]

Actually I think I am starting again but on a different base level. I would appreciate some support Susan

Best wishes! I recently went down the hole again and I am making humble progress now.

Sending support your way.

 

[Susan Jane]

hah, I had a shiower and washed my hair the day after you sent this.
it is difficult, but good that youre trying to be kind to and be with her. I know it's not second nature to be tolerant/comfortable of being in this place. good youre keeping up with the little things, does help.

I dont know if you find it hard to drink but what helps me is to have a bottle in the fridge, because I find cold water a lot more appetising (and refreshing). it's one of those glass bottles with a stopper so I refill it every time I use it and always have some there. I think also having an amount to finish helps motivate you.

Took me a while to respond… brain on high alert, spoke to the AI lady because I was freaking out. Thank you for your kind tips. @Dark.Green.Feathers . I just re read everything as my mind can process things tonight. I have been wrapping myself up in a shawl to stay calm. I guess I am finally really accepting I have CPTSD, I think I brushed it off and pretended I was just crazy and admitting I had it was so hard. This might not make any sense. I am learning the term trauma brain.

 

[Susan Jane]

Best wishes! I recently went down the hole again and I am making humble progress now.

Sending support your way.

Thank you so much. When I am in the hole I lose track of what I say and do. I am glad you’re making humble progress. This condition is very humbling isn’t it? Feels like someone taking over my system, and it’s terrifying

 

[ms spock]

Thank you so much. When I am in the hole I lose track of what I say and do.

I do lost track of what I saw and do. I also lose track of how I am choosing to interpret things. I go back to that childhood everything is unendurable, whereas now I am able to take regular breaks from everything.

I am glad you’re making humble progress.

Thank you

This condition is very humbling isn’t it?

This condition is very humbling. I really experience it that way.

Feels like someone taking over my system, and it’s terrifying

The fight, flight, freeze, fawn and fragment are very challenging to manage. I do find it terrifying, and sometimes I get stuck in it.

Right now I have taken a step out of it, which is a relief.

Much respect to you in your journey.

 

[GrayOwl]

Thank you all for sage advice.
My prayers and best wishes for a healing journey.