I Thought I Was So Good Putting My Trauma Aside

[debbie3]

Hi,
I am new here and in a way, relieved to see that I am not the only person on this planet struggling with this. I knew something was wrong but didn't know there was a "label" until my T told me. I am married with 3 children and about 18 years ago when I was walking home in Boston back to my dorm, I was taken by 3 guys and well, I got home 6 1/2 hours later. I still cannot say the word "R", as stupid as that sounds, but it seems that it doesn't even do it justice anyway. So to make a very long story short, I thought I was SO GOOD at putting this aside and going on with my life until about 6 months ago. These "memories" and scenes came at me like a tornado. So now my whole life has changed and I feel so "different" from the rest of the world and am struggling with this ptsd stuff, I guess. Thank you to whoever is reading this: I really appreicate it. It gets really lonely and well, I guess I said enough for now.

 

[kers]

Welcome to the forum. I really understand the feeling of "differentness." It can be such a relief to be diagnosed, to have there be a problem and not "just how I am."

 

[Jestadud]

Welcome debbie3
You are not alone or different here.
Jesta

 

[liv now]

Hello and welcome. I have not felt so alone since I've found this forum.

 

[jefferylee]

Hello and Welcome Debbie3,

Your story sounds sooo familiar to me.Yea, I was cruizin' through my middle-aged life thinking I had it all together when suddenly my whole life started falling apart and I had no idea why.When I was finally diagnosed w/ complex PTSD,it was actually a huge relief...it was like "Oooh,so THAT'S the reason I am the way I am !!" It really helped me come to terms w/ having this disorder.

One thing I've learned is that you can try and deny the event(s) that happened,but sooner or later PTSD will raise it's ugly head and come back to bite you on the butt.
Kinda' like the old saying..."you can pay me now or you can pay me later"...and the longer you wait,the harder PTSD is to deal with.I've also learned that I will no doubt have PTSD for the rest of my life and my goal every single day to to try and be the one in charge of my PTSD instead of it being in charge of me...and it's not a battle I win every day,but I know I have to keep trying.

Debbie3,you are not alone any more and no "different" then the thousands who call this forum home,so again,welcome to the community :)

Peace and Hope...jefferylee

 

[Grama-Herc]

Debbie3

Welcome

Unfortunately, this "condition" as some of us call it, pops in and out of four life at will. Never know where or when it is going to raise it's ugly head.

Hang in there. You will find a lot of help and info here

 

[TLight]

Welcome from me too.........you are very brave to be dealing with this and you will have a lot of support here........

 

[ISupportHer]

Thank You For Sharing Your Feelings

I'm new here also and am a "carer". This site has helped my immensely already. My wife has memories and also has had what must be tactile hallucinations. I appreciate your sharing as well as that of others. I feel that with each experience I read, I gather just a little more insight into what my wife has and is feeling, even though she cannot fully share herself yet.

 

[debbie3]

I didn't know anyone wrote back - thank you so so much! I truly appreciate it!
Debbie

 

[anthony]

Welcome to the forum Debbie.

 

[SpringRain]

Hi Debbie - thank you for being so brave and sharing your story. I can relate to the portion about going through life believing you had done a good job at putting the trauma aside. I would even get ticked off when my husband would ask if perhaps I shouldn't try to deal with a few things and maybe that would help me out. I thought he was so totally wrong that anything effected me at all! It sounds like we are at nearly the same point in our PTSD journeys in that I have had PTSD for about 20 years, and dealing with it for just a few months now. It's a strange shift in reality for sure! And yes, it does feel really lonely sometimes and so I'm glad you're here. I'm not a huge talker yet, but I've done a lot of reading and I can say that there is wonderful support here and wonderful information. I feel silly saying welcome since I'm so new myself, but welcome and I hope this helps you. -- SpringRain