I Wanna Smash Facebook Inventors In The Face!

[Jet]

@freakofnurture: Probably, I think it was an age thing. They just felt he was too young/immature. His older brother has a page and the parents did pretty much what you suggested. My guess is that if the kid had been patient he would have gotten one in the not to distant future.

 

[freakofnurture]

Jet replied to an Edit in my post that I removed again while she was writing her post. Sorry if that causes confusion.

I asked Jet if the fb disaster of the boy couldn't have been prevented if his parents had allowed the fb page and discussed safety issues with him while setting up his account together.

 

[catjudo]

@catjudo: How much privacy do your kids have, and how do you decide about the amount you grant them?

I only have one child and, as I have stated previously, she is still pretty young. So the answer is...she has zero privacy. No, I take that back...at holidays/birthdays she is allowed to keep secrets that pertain to gifts/surprises. Any other secrets are prohibited.

For one thing, she knows that it's not okay or necessary to ever keep secrets from me. Should she ever encounter some pervert, he will not convince her that she should keep his bad acts a secret from me. Additionally, if she is being secretive of her actions, how will I know if she needs me to intervene and keep her safe? I certainly can't protect her and keep her safe forever. For now, I need to know what she is doing so that I can teach her how to think through a situation and make good/safe/moral choices as she encounters them.

How will I decide how much privacy to grant my daughter? I'm not sure it's really about privacy...she will develop increasing levels of autonomy as she demonstrates that she is ready. Consistently showing that she understands the importance of making good choices, understanding her choices and actions have consequences both for herself and potentially others around her, showing that she can and will be an independent thinker and not just a follower of whatever her friends are doing...all of these things will lead to gradually increased autonomy. When she stumbles along the way I will be able to pull the reigns back in a bit, re-assess the situation, help teach her where/how she went wrong and wait until she demonstrates an understanding before giving her a bit more freedom/autonomy again.

As I have stated before in this thread, this is what works for my family. I should state, it's not as if I know every detail of every conversation that my daughter has in her day. I don't grill her for a play by play of every second she is away from me (at school). But there are no conversations or questions that are off limits so she's not inclined to do something that she wouldn't want to have to tell me about. (Of course when she gets in trouble for something at school she's not eager to tell me, but she does.;))

 

[Nicolette]

Totally agree and support your thinking Catjudo.

 

[KP the nut]

For one thing, she knows that it's not okay or necessary to ever keep secrets from me.

You sound a fantastic parent. I am a fantastic parent - it is one of the few things in life I am very proud of. My children (now grown up) knew that no subject was ever taboo, that I would be honest with whatever they asked.

I found it helpful to hug them and count to 10, 20, 30 or what ever before I answered. Those words could have broken trust/love. Just holding them whilst gathering thoughts was invaluable.

Parenting is one of the hardest jobs ever. I got through it and now my girls are 24 and 21 and they tell me that H and I got it right. To me there is no greater compliment.

((HUGS))
KP

 

[freakofnurture]

Any other secrets are prohibited.

Thank you for you reply, catjudo, it was an interesting read :) I don't have any children of my own, but I am very interested in and opinionated about parenting.

If I may ask you a follow-up question: How do you enforce that prohibition?

 

[njray]

I just saw a public serviced message on ch 7 WABC television... Do you think your child is using there cell phone to connect to drugs.......... Hmmm I wonder how the creative youth of today are using facebook to connect for this purpose as well...... Please share any new codes or posts here. There has to be new ones. I can only imagine what the codeword, em icon and avatar of the dealer must be..........