My cousin has been clear since teens that she doesn’t want kids despite social norms. A friend from musical theatre has said she loves being an aunt but doesn’t want her own. I always wanted kids and would’ve had more had I not been single, however I too enjoy my solitude and quiet time, and I’ve always made space for it (at least in relation to motherhood) and my son wasn’t loud and rowdy, he had parks and beaches to explore and exert his energy and quiet time reading or playing with blocks or my mums guitar. I had musical rehearsal I could find a minder for so I put him in a carrier on my back and practiced my dance moves on the stage. Yes he means the world to me, but especially in those earlier years I incorporated him into my life as much as cherishing moments of bonding or silence. It was once he started primary school I became more restricted during term time as I chose not to home school as he was so social, now he’s a teenager I can’t quite leave him alone overnight but otherwise I don’t have to watch him every second, he knows my boundaries and my reasons for certain cyber safety and agrees they’re reasonable so I have to remind him of things like bed, picking up his clothes, but actually him being so much closer to adulthood means I have more time to myself which during a flare I have to deal with and fill my time.That’s also another thing I have to figure out. I love kids and I love babies to death.
But I also love my freedom and being able to do what I please with what money I make and what I do. My close friend just had a baby and she loves being a mom but she told me she has no me time and is always with baby.
I also enjoy my quiet time and solitude. I know as kids grow older they become very rowdy and loud and idk if I can handle it.
There’s a reason for the saying ‘behind closed doors’, I was ‘raised’ in by then the starts of an affluent suburb with two parents and it was hell despite outward appearances and photos. A school mum seemed great, until we bonded and she fled DV with her kids (at least she got support my mother didn’t from school when disclosed), prior seemed married, mortgage, holidays.
My point is kids are work yes, but don’t assume how a child will be, every child is different and you need to include adult time (ideally without the kid) for mental health amongst other things. The amount they cost depends on your choices, we did clothes swaps a a friend with her youngest son a couple of years older than mine passes on most clothes, plus second hand especially for painting etc, or playing in the garden in nappy or top or nothing depending on age and child (one year we had 4generations at my Nana’s place overseas and despite the 91yr age difference between eldest and youngest she pulled out the metal tub from storage she bathed my mother in, we put it on the deck with an inch or two of water, he was toddler by this point, and we relaxed and shared the moment, and it didn’t cost a cent).
Assumptions, because everyone is different and every child is different, and some people choose not to have children even if they like kids, and all of that is ok