I Want My Life Back

[i want my life back. help]

I never knew this place existed. I have a good family, great friends, but no on who I can tell all these feelings to. 2 years ago I was diagnosed with PTSD. I did all the work, got a lot better, and even phased off all my meds. About 6 months ago, something started feeling weird. It kept getting worse. As I look back now, it was the PTSD starting again. Is this possible? I thought I was over it! My family and friends think that I am perfectly fine but I'm not. I see dark, black, empty, lonely, cold, and so sad when I look inside myself. Every morning it's still there. I haven't cleaned my house, my husband is doing our bills and running us into the ground, laundry isn't done. I AM DOING NOTHING BUT CRYING. I feel like death. I welcome death. I want this feeling to be gone and I want to be happy again. Can someone tell me if there's something I can do to climb out of this hole? I have a wonderful husband and a terrific 6 year old son who need me. If it weren't for them, well..........
Just wondering if anyone else feels this way. I feel so alone and I don't know what to do. I don't want to go to sleep b/e when I wake up in the morning, it's gonna be the exact same thing. I AM TIRED OF PRETENDING THAT I'M OK. I'M SO NOT OK.

 

[BethRSA]

Hi I Want My Life Back,

Welcome to the forum for all of us who want our lives back :hello: (Love your name, BTW)

I trust that as you look around, read and ask questions, you will see and know that you are not alone. :Hug_emoticon: The feelings that you have are normal in this abnormal circumstance.

I too thought I was "over" my trauma and PTSD. In many ways, I'm much better, but I have to be careful not to let my guard down and/or get too stressed.

Know that we're here for you, we understand and we care.
Beth

 

[Ann54]

Good Morning I want my life back

I'm very new to the forum so hope I've replied properly!!! I am the carer of a sufferer and see the effects of ptsd and I'm so sorry you're suffering from this dibilitating illness. Have you been back to the doctor? Perhaps medication will help?

 

[pebbels]

Hello:hello:I can't offer much just that my ex spoke of this dark black hole and i think the thing that helped him was that he was in therapy.

It sucks that you were doing so well and then to take steps backwards but from what i have read on here that can happen at anytime.

Welcome to the forum i want my life back and all the best.
For you:Hug_emoticon:

Pebs

 

[shiraz]

Hello new friend, :hello:

Your cries strike so deeply because I have been there too. Things are slipping out of my control right now and I also have not had the energy to pull it all back into place. I am so sorry that you are going through this. PTSD is quite a monster!

The thing is though, that it is possible. I do a lot of reading here and encourage myself with the success of others and borrow some hope from them when I feel mine is all gone. I am in therapy now which is helping a lot too and and there are days where I feel that it is not impossible.

I am glad you found us, I have been encouraged and supported here more than anywhere else. You are among friends. Please keep posting.

:Hug_emoticon:
Shiraz

 

[kalidascope]

I'm new here. I found this group tonight. Yesterday I found myself out in the middle of my garden, screaming at the top of my lungs "I want my life back!" "This isn't fair!" "I just want my life back!" It didn't fix anything but somehow it made me realize that I need help.
The universe heard my call and helped me find this site. I hope it will find help for you. It looks like PTSD recovery is not a journey with a single arrival point, but a road we must journey for our whole lives.

 

[tricia]

Hi, I'm new to the forum too. This sounds horrible but I am so glad that there are other people who the only thing they see is a black hole. People keep asking me what I will do in the future? future what's that all I see is a black hole that goes deeper and deeper and just when i think i am making one step up something happens and I fall further and further. Yes I am getting some fantastic help and I am on medication and I'm working my ass off to try and get there but sometimes I wonder how much more I can keep fighting and when I can't see a future I have to ask myself is it worth fighting. I don't think this is very helpful to you but at least you know that others out here also have backhoes. And now I know there are others.

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

Welcome - I want my life back (I love your name also) -

I went through periods of time where now looking back - I know that my symptoms were ramped up (at the time I was not diagnosed) and then they would calm back down - when I went through a long cycle like that - that just didn't stop is when I started counseling and was finally diagnosed.

It's possible something has triggered you - that your unaware of - its possible that you never truly recovered (from what I've read - 1 1/2 years - if I'm understanding you correctly is a pretty short time period) or that extra stress has ramped back up your symptoms.

Regardless, I believe you will improve. Are you still in contact with who was treating you previously? Seems like a follow-up call may be needed. Did you receive counseling in addition to medication? I know it's discouraging to be back at this place again - but please try to hold on - seek out help - and realize that by admitting that you are back in a dark place again is the first step to getting better.

Thinking of you.

 

[wth97]

Hi I want my life back,
I just told a very close friend last night that I also wanted my life back.
thanks for posting. although I wouldnt wish this disorder on anyone, it helps to know Im not alone. best wishes

wth

 

[ISupportHer]

Just wanted to say "Hi" and lend at least a word of encouragement. I wish you well and am glad you are here.