I Want To Escape Everything

[Ice_Fire]

I've been feeling rather low the past couple of days, I hate feeling so stuck with the sh1t situation I'm in. I haven't got the courage to change anything though. I'm terrified of my parents still, even though I know they probably won't do anything. I'm terrified of telling Gran what's happened and why I hate seeing mum and dad so much. I just want to run away, for good. But I can only see one way of doing that...and I simply cannot give up completely. I refuse to. I just want to be free! :cry:

How can I keep fighting when I can't see a way out of all this crap? I'm getting triggered all the time, especially when I have to see them. I'm tired of it.

 

[Red Feather]

((((hugs)))) Ice_Fire. Sorry to hear you having such a hard time. It definetly is stressful to be constantly retriggered because of having contact with the people who have caused you your PTSD. It often makes me feel like running away too. If I was able to run away I would have done it many years ago. But it's just not possible. Is your grandmother someone you can trust? I think it is best to find a place for you where you feel safe.

It is great that you are here on the forum and looking for support. I'm hoping you can find what it is you need so that you can be free. It may be a long struggle, but you surely know what is best for you and can start making steps to get you there. Would be really great if you found small things that can make your day and help you feel better. The better you feel about yourself the stronger your boundaries will be.

Big hugs.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Is your grandmother someone you can trust? I think it is best to find a place for you where you feel safe.

I don't know if she is, that's the biggest problem at the moment. :(
I don't know if I can tell her, she ignored it whilst it was happening, she sent me back home, so would she just refuse to believe the other 'stuff' if I told her? I don't feel safe in my own home, because my parents are always visiting. I'm scared of making everything worse and then still having to see them anyway.

The better you feel about yourself the stronger your boundaries will be.
Big hugs.

Thank you :) I just wish I could find a way to feel better about myself. I feel so worthless, like I don't matter at all, everything is fine as long as they get sorted and I deserve to keep it all locked away. I'm scared of setting boundaries.

(((Hugs back)))

 

[Tinyflame]

Maybe concentrate on practising grounding (gosh knows you're getting lots of opportunities :( ) and other techniques and distractions, develop your own interests.

Maybe choose (1st-?) to talk to someone impartial that hopefully you can trust.

I'm sorry, I know it's horribly difficult. :(

 

[Ice_Fire]

Thanks Junebug.

If I'm honest, I don't know how to ground myself. I just kind of shut down, which I guess is better than self harming. :(

Survived dad's visit. Will talk about it later.

(((Hugs)))

 

[Ice_Fire]

Feel like giving in, just for a little bit. I feel like being totally selfish and obnoxious and telling everyone to get f&@"!d :mad:

But I can't and I won't, as always, so I'll just pretend I'm fine and try not to upset Dec too much. :(

Sorry for being so bloody miserable.

 

[piratelady]

I think it can be really nice to be selfish every once in a while. Everyone has to think of only themselves on occasion. You might feel guilty at first, but in time you will get passed that. Some "me" time where no one matters but you might be just what you need :)

 

[Ice_Fire]

Thanks Piratelady. :)

Feeling a little bit stronger tonight, thanks to my amazing, brilliant boyfriend. I will make some 'me time', even if it does feel odd to me.

 

[Tinyflame]

Ice_Fire, grounding is like breathing, a basic even less than coping or self-soothing.

I hope you can learn some techniques that work for you, and that will be a good foundation to start on. :tup:

 

[lil_fighter]

Feeling a little bit stronger tonight, thanks to my amazing, brilliant boyfriend. I will make some 'me time', even if it does feel odd to me.

:) 'You' time, is just what you need and it's really lovely to see that you have an amazing boyfriend to support you. Very cute :inlove: