I want to save my relationship with my mother.

[Buddey]

Being on this site for the ten minutes I have been has been already incredibly beneficial. I have never been able to put into words my relationship with my mother, or rather the toxic mess it has turned into. But I am 100 percent a scapegoat. I do ger regularly gas lighted but the frequency has gone down now that I have a new psychiatrist not willing to automatically accept my mom's manipulations. I can't reason with her, I can't get a single compromise. I work hard and try to do what I should and I get lectured at daily (most days more than once sometimes way more than that.) for more time than that is acceptable.

I try communicating with her but I get told I am lecturing her and then she starts to ignore me like a child. I get mad and end up raising my voice and it escalates a lot of the time. I'm stuck living here for the forseeable future. So there is no real easy or simple solution. No contact would probably solve this but I have many medical issues and my life would collapse. I titled this "I want to save my relationship with my mother" but I have pretty much given up at this point. Help or Hugs appreciated. Much love, Buddey.

 

[Kintsugi]

I'm not sure your relationship sounds particularly salvageable. I think learning how to communicate in such a way so as to keep your cool and try to bypass as much negative contact as possible--while keeping yourself emotionally safe--is your best bet until you can do whatever it is you need to in order to leave that environment and possibly cut off contact.

You may find this YouTube channel helpful. I got pretty obsessed with it for awhile. I think it's a valuable resource for framing and dealing with people who may not have NPD but have cluster B traits:

Link Removed

 

[Enaila]

It is important you calmly put up boundaries. My mom used to treat me the same way. I told her she needed to remember I am an adult now. I said she could speak with me as an adult and I would listen, but as an adult, I had the right to decide what advise I would or would not take. If she was upset about something, she could calmly discuss it, but I would no longer tolerate being yelled at or her trying to give me guilt trips. (I will add this conversation happened after a couple years of counseling and I had been keeping my distance until then.) My mom has been so much better since I let her know calmly my thoughts and expectations for our relationship. I do not live with her, though we live close (within a mile).