I want to trust someone

[Gloomy]

I really want to trust someone with all my heart. I want to share everything but I can't let go of my guard. Will I ever be able to trust anyone? I wish I had this type of a person in my life whom I could trust and with whom I could feel safe. There's no one in my life who makes me feel safe. I'm constantly trying to protect myself every single day 24/7. I'm tired of this life.

 

[Survivor3]

Welcome to the site @Gloomy. Yes, that desire to find someone to trust is something we all need. What's your support system like? Family/friends? Do you have a therapist?

 

[Gloomy]

Welcome to the site @Gloomy. Yes, that desire to find someone to trust is something we all need. What's your support system like? Family/friends? Do you have a therapist?

Thanks for welcoming!

I don't have any support system. No close friends, no supporting family. No therapist either. I tried this but couldn't even trust my therapist.

 

[Survivor3]

Thanks for welcoming!

I don't have any support system. No close friends, no supporting family. No therapist either. I tried this but couldn't even trust my therapist.

oh no that's tough. I hope that you find support here.

 

[Gloomy]

:'( I badly need someone to console me right now.

 

[Survivor3]

What's been going on in your life?

 

[Friday]

I really want to trust someone with all my heart

You do know this is the Holy Grail of relationships... for even perfectly normal people, much less people with trust issues & trauma histories? It’s not an “everyone else has it, except me” thing, but what nearly everyone else is ALSO looking for. Even those who have 1 person they trust completely? Usually have a double handful of people they trust a bit here, a bit there, or in this way but not that way. Because it’s an ongoing thing; forming connections, learning about others and yourself, building trust. As even that 1 person? Is often only in their lives for a season, not a lifetime. A best friend or a mentor at school. A partner at work. The first 5 or 10 years of their first marriage. A cross the hall neighbor turned almost flatmate you’re in & out of each other’s homes so much, until they get married and move away, or hit by a car, or your job transfers you, or your kid needs medical care out of state.

The DESIRE to form that kind of connection with people? Is a good thing.

But it takes time & luck. Luck to even meet someone you might one day trust completely, luck that both of you are in a place in your lives to have the time to put into relationships, and a helluva lot of time to grow to trust each other. As trust is earned. Not bestowed.

The DESIRE is a good thing.

But lonliness, the wanting, is super sucky.

 

[internal]

and it is regrettable that even when you do find this individual that you trust completely, you will still fail to trust them many times, because our distrust is a built-in feature, not a bug. it’s how our brains have grown, it’s how our personalities have developed. when i am rational, i know i can trust my spouse entirely, but i am not always rational. that’s the kicker.

 

[Gloomy]

What's been going on in your life?

Someone recently left me because I couldn't trust him and didn't tell him everything about my life.

and it is regrettable that even when you do find this individual that you trust completely, you will still fail to trust them many times, because our distrust is a built-in feature, not a bug. it’s how our brains have grown, it’s how our personalities have developed. when i am rational, i know i can trust my spouse entirely, but i am not always rational. that’s the kicker.

I agree :(

You do know this is the Holy Grail of relationships... for even perfectly normal people, much less people with trust issues & trauma histories? It’s not an “everyone else has it, except me” thing, but what nearly everyone else is ALSO looking for. Even those who have 1 person they trust completely? Usually have a double handful of people they trust a bit here, a bit there, or in this way but not that way. Because it’s an ongoing thing; forming connections, learning about others and yourself, building trust. As even that 1 person? Is often only in their lives for a season, not a lifetime. A best friend or a mentor at school. A partner at work. The first 5 or 10 years of their first marriage. A cross the hall neighbor turned almost flatmate you’re in & out of each other’s homes so much, until they get married and move away, or hit by a car, or your job transfers you, or your kid needs medical care out of state.

The DESIRE to form that kind of connection with people? Is a good thing.

But it takes time & luck. Luck to even meet someone you might one day trust completely, luck that both of you are in a place in your lives to have the time to put into relationships, and a helluva lot of time to grow to trust each other. As trust is earned. Not bestowed.

The DESIRE is a good thing.

But lonliness, the wanting, is super sucky.

"trust is earned. Not bestowed."
This is spot on.