I Worry He May Have Ptsd Too

[Wolvescry]

Hi

I have been in a over four year relationship with an amazing man. He is great, patient, loyal, hard working and more. When we first met we connected quickly. My last relationship was abusive to the point he almost killed me by strangling me several times. With my new bf ******* I have learned to trust, at least him. He has never been abusive in anyway. Anyway, he knows about my PTSD and is VERY supportive. He does research and helps me overcome fears.

Anyway, when we first got together he let me know he suffered abuse to. His mom was severally mentally ill. She could never care for him. After his grandma died when he was 8, the family hired a couple to be their caretaker. The man/husband who use to be in the military beat him on the regular for not picking up after his mom, and beat him till he did 1000 math problem or ran till he threw up. There was a report made after the male care taker almost choked him to death and ******* friends notice the fear in ******* the next day at school. They told him to tell the teacher and the man was then arested. His Aunt bailed the man out since he was a family friend with ****** trust money and then used the rest of his trust to send ******* himself to military school. They accused of being "crazy like his mom."

All this makes me consider PTSD as a possibility. He seems not to like social settings and prefers to hike and surf with me. He does not like to show emotions or affection although he shows he cares through his actions. Whenever he deals with his family he shuts down.

I think part of our connection was because we experience the same fear for our lives in similar situations. Even before we knew the other experienced the same we connected strongly. I mentioned several times that her should see a therapist to at least get input but he does not want to. Of course my concern first is with him.

There is another concern, a more selfish guilty one. I am a passionate affection person but when I seek these things from him he shuts down. I have been patient and have tried to teach him how show affection in a physical way but he does not like it. It makes me feel so lonely at times. He has stuck through all my symptoms and maddness, yet I struggle to except his. I feel so bad.

I also suspect he may have aspergers, but he wont see a doctor. He may not have niether, maybe he is just introverted. IDK what to do about this

 

[I'll make tea]

I think he might have PTSD but I am not a psych and do not know him.
If the possibility scares him I would not push him too hard...

Rather tell him if he needs to talk you will listen, tell him seeing a psych does help you rather than tell him he needs to see one.

This is what I would do.

Did you tell him you wished he was more physical? May be PTSD or he is just shy when it comes to this.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I wouldn't jump to conclusions as its very possible to experience effects of abuse without having PTSD itself. Your description does indicate that he may possibly still be struggling with the aftermath of the abuse, but it lacks a number of diagnostic criteria required for a PTSD diagnosis. I think its best to leave it up to a professional. And since you have PTSD yourself, you know that the desire to change/heal/seek help must come from him.

It sounds as if your love language and his love language do not align. You need physical contact in order to feel loved but he does not show love through physical contact. Sometimes these issues can be remedied through discussion, so he can learn to be more affectionate once he knows just how much it means to you, but a radical change isn't likely on this front, so you have to give a bit as well, and not expect him to become an overly affectionate person.

 

[Wolvescry]

To be honest I have been talking to him and trying to teach him for two years now and he does not seem to get it. I am wondering if I should except this part of him or if I should continue to try to teach him. I think maybe couple therapy would help but I do not think he would want to go. I mean our relationship is so perfect besides my outbreaks here and there and his lack of physical expression. We get along very well, rarely fight. We talk a lot. And respect the other even when we disagree.