I Would Greatly Appreciate Any Advice

[Jewelz]

Hello everyone. I am new to this. I barely found out 2 months ago that my boyfriend has ptsd. We have been together for going on 10 months. In the begining everything was perfect. He was very caring and showed affection. These past 2 weeks he is a completely different person. He doesn't care when I cry. He's never happy with anything. Everything I do isn't good enough. In April his dad died and he left me for like a week and a half. He said he loved me but that he needed to figure out what he wanted. He came back and we were doing great. We got engaged on my birthday in July. He has honestly been the best thing, next to my kids, that has happened to me. He's the only guy other than my kids dad to meet my parents. He doesn't associate with his family much so he loved how loved he was by my family. Well 2 months ago he was shaking in his sleep and I threw my arm over his chest and held him tight so that he could feel me and that way I wouldn't startle him. Well when he was getting ready for work in the morning I told him and he was like that's crazy. Later that day he text me that he was scared because last time when he shook like that it was when he was over seas and it happened because of exhaustion. And that's when he told me he has ptsd. Well I looked into it and tried to do things to keep him happy and to not trigger it worse. I also told him to cut his hours back at work, since he was working 50-60 a week, but he said no. That everything he was doing was for us and our house and my kids and to make sure bills are paid. Well these past 2 weeks he's been a completely different person. He's not the man I fell in love with. Yesterday morning he woke up packed up his stuff loaded his car and left without saying goodbye. He said that he loves me and will always love me but that his mind is telling him to leave. I would just like to know he's left once before for a week and a half but came back but this time he took his stuff so should I give up hope. I haven't texted nor called him. He's texted me little things here and there but mostly about things to do with the house and I haven't responded to all his texts. I'm just so new to these and reading all your stories is exactly how he is acting. I am just so confused and stuck. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks and have a great day and smile always.

 

[vivaladawn]

Hello @Jewelz. I think what you are doing is the right thing. From what I have been reading on here as well, when they say they need their space we need to respect that. I am going through the same situation as you right now and I know things can be super difficult when there are no answers to what will happen in the future, but I think that if we give them the space they ask for, hopefully they will come back when they are ready.

 

[Thanks]

I just don't get how he is the only person to out diamonds on my finger, we were planning on having a baby together, planning our wedding, he got attached to my kids and my kids got more attached to him than their real dad, and we were planning on buying a house so we wouldn't have to rent anymore. I've done research on ptsd and it's so sad and I feel bad cause his family doesn't even know he has it. Today is just not a good morning at all for me. I just feel shutting down. Packing the last of his stuff and taking it to him but I don't want to cause I don't want him to hurt more. I'm just so hurt and lost right now. But thanks for the advice.

 

[shimmerz]

I wonder if you could let him know @Jewelz that just because his head is telling him to leave, it doesn't have to be forever. It is possible that something has frightened him. That is, of course, if you would be willing to have him back if he was able. This is really hard for all involved - and with children, well, they would have to be taken into account as well if this is going to be something that he does.

I am not certain if you mentioned whether he was in counseling or not.... if not, maybe that would be helpful to him.

 

[Thanks to all]

No he won't go to counseling. He says he's not that bad. But his words and actions hurt the ones he loves so bad. I'm doing way better now and have just left him alone. When my friends see what he posts on facebook they say he looks so sad but he's the one who left and doesn't hit me up. I'm leaving him alone to let him find himself. He hasn't gone out in the 3 weeks we have been separated now but I'm still working and doing what I have to do for me and my kids. And I can definately tell they are hurting cause of how bad they have been acting up lately but I can't take away their pain I can just be here for support. I'm moving out of our house this week. And before while I would pack it would hurt now it's making me stronger. I'm actually feeling way better. I can't force him to be here nor to get help if he don't wanna do it himself so I'm giving him his space. Keep your head up always loves. This world is too ugly to be anything but beautiful and happy always ❤