DID Identities

[jadebear]

I have read and re-read the list on the ptsd forum. But I still can't figure out what I have been feeling lately. It's not something I have ever felt before. Should I just guess or make something up?

 

[cherryblossom]

Ok I found PTSDForum link, which is

[DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/list-of-emotions-and-emotional-responses.13734/#post-190224[/DLMURL]

 

[cherryblossom]

I have read and re-read the list on the ptsd forum. But I still can't figure out what I have been feeling lately. It's not something I have ever felt before. Should I just guess or make something up?

Yikes - I don't know. Perhaps it's a combination of a few emotions? Or maybe choose a few which you think might fit, then try to narrow it down?
I doubt that helps, sorry :oops:

 

[cherryblossom]

Ok I found PTSDForum link, which is

[DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/list-of-emotions-and-emotional-responses.13734/#post-190224[/DLMURL]

Or for the direct PDF is click [DLMURL="http://sexabuse.ptsdforum.org/attachments/emotions-pdf.177/?temp_hash=7124634f53e4fe47bc8cb9897ea68ebb"]here[/DLMURL]

 

[WonderingWhy]

These might be the same but this is what I found.:dance:

Emotions and Feelings - A List of Choices

•absorbed
•abusive
•accepting
•accommodating
•accomplished
•adaptable
•adversarial
•aggressive
•agreeable
•alert
•altruistic
•analytical
•angry
•annoyed
•antagonistic
•anxious
•approved of
•arrogant
•ashamed
•authentic
•balanced
•beautiful
•belligerent
•bereft

•bitter
•bored
•brave
•broken down
•bullied
•calm
•chaotic
•cheerful
•cold
•commanding
•compassionate
•competitive
•complaining
•conceited
•condemned
•confident
•conflicted
•confused
•conservative
•content
•controlled
•controlling
•cooperative
•courageous

•cowardly
•creative
•critical
•cruel
•curious
•defeated
•deluded
•demanding
•dependent
•depressed
•desperate
•destitute
•destructive
•detached
•dignified
•disconnected
•discouraged
•disgusted
•dominated
•dominating
•eccentric
•ecstatic
•egocentric
•egotistical
•empathic
•empowered
•envious
•erratic
•excited
•expressive
•extroverted
•fair
•faithful
•fearful
•frightened
•frustrated
•glad
•good
•grateful
•greedy
•grieving
•guilty
•happy
•harmonizing
•hatred
•helpful
•helpless
•hesitant
•hopeless
•idealistic
•ignorant
•impatient
•important
•impoverished
•impulsive
•indifferent
•individualistic
•inert
•insecure
•insensitive
•inspired
•in service
•interested
•intolerant
•introspective
•invulnerable
•irresponsible
•irritated
•isolated
•jealous
•joyful
•judged
•judgmental
•lazy
•likable
•lively
•lonely
•lost
•loved
•loving
•mad
•manipulated
•manipulative
•mediating
•miserable
•mistrusting
•moody
•moral
•negative
•noble
•obsessed
•open
•panicked
•paranoid
•passionate
•passive
•peaceful
•perfectionist
•pitiful
Emotions and Feelings - A List of Choices


•pleased
•poor
•possessive
•powerful
•practical
•preoccupied
•procrastinating
•proud
•punished
•punishing
•purposeful
•rage
•reactionary
•reclusive
•rejected
•rejoicing
•repressed
•resentful
•resigned
•resistant
•responsible
•ridiculous
•righteous
•ruthless
•sad
•sadistic
•secretive
•selfish
•self-accepting
•self-condemning
•self-defeating
•self-destructive
•self-hatred
•self-obsessed
•self-pity
•self-sabotaging
•sensitive
•serene
•shamed
•shut-down
•shy
•sorry
•stable
•stimulated
•stricken
•strung-out
•stubborn
•superior
•tantrums
•timid
•tolerant
•unconcerned
•understanding
•unforgiving
•unhappy
•unresponsive
•untrusting
•vain
•vengeance
•vicious
•victimized
•violent
•visionary
•well-meaning
•wise
•withdrawn
•worthy

 

[Brea]

It's interesting because my doctor has a list of emotions tha he bring sinto our sessions with him and he will stop me in the middle of a retell and say "what are you feeling right now, descibe it, what do you feel physically, emotionally etc.." At first, I kept thinking that he was nuts and could not for the life of me understand why he woudl stop me in the middle of talking about one of my most horrific memories to talk about how I was feeling, but it works. I don't always know the right words for what I am feeling but just keeping connected to my emotions while talking about it has helped tremendously. We dissociate because we don't want to feel. It's a coping mechanism, but I don't necessarily think that means we didn't have any emotions at all, just that we stuffed them down and shut them off.
To me, my PTSD is because I didn't feel anything for so many years. Before, I could tell you things that happened but it didn't mean anything because I didn't connect any emotion to it. I didn't deal with it. Dealing with the emotions is by far the most difficult part. I think for me, shame and guilt are by far he worst. Sometimes I think it just might swallow me whole, yet, I am still here.

 

[WonderingWhy]

I don't necessarily think that means we didn't have any emotions at all, just that we stuffed them down and shut them off.

To me, my PTSD is because I didn't feel anything for so many years. I didn't deal with it.

Dealing with the emotions is by far the most difficult part. I think for me, shame and guilt are by far he worst.

Sometimes I think it just might swallow me whole, yet, I am still here.

Brea,

These parts I took from your post are so familiar!!!!! I agree totally!!!!

 

[anthony]

I guess my question should have been how do I connect emotions with the traumas if I dissociated at the time?

There are tricks to this, the first one from your view is to stop over-thinking things, and when you write down the trauma, then you begin associating emotions to each part of it; OR; you work in reverse, and you write down what you feel, then you write down your trauma, and as you write your trauma, you begin to place what you write with what you feel now. There is a distinct difference to what you "felt" (past tense) and what you "feel" (present tense).

Past feelings are not what is hurting you, its what you feel now. Past trauma is hurting you, but your feelings then and your feelings now, likely not even close to the same. This is why I say, don't live in the past, live in the present. Its about what is going on within you now. You associate what you feel now to what happened then.

It feels like all my wiring is wrong...

It is wrong, hence why CPTSD is a process to get your wiring relatively correct again. Your wiring going wrong is very clearly explained in my first post on this thread.

I have been feeling some sort of emotion lately and I don't even know what it is or how to describe it because I have never felt it before.

You use the list of emotions, you go look them up and what they mean... you can then associate what they mean to a feeling that you feel, but cannot explain. We are taught emotions through our care givers (parents, etc). When that breaks down, hence revert to first post in this thread about why it broke down in your brain.

Instead of being told these things when you believed them easily, from a trusted source, child - parent relationship, now you have to learn them for yourself as an adult, which brings complicated aspects to the table vs. being a child.

 

[anthony]

Oh geez, the formula to get through the traumas sounds so easy huh? Just do this and that and ta da!! Yikes:insane:(j.k)

Yep... easier said than done... though once you get started, once you work through one, once you have learnt the process, you repeat it. The process doesn't change, only the substance.

Its also really important to ask yourself the right questions, from a third party perspective.

Why is not really a good question to ask... but instead use what, how, etc. They are more defined to a specific aspect, than broad to, why!

 

[WonderingWhy]

To Anthony,

Do you know what the risk of "physical" harm or "death" is from the tremendous anxiety if and when one really dives in to discussing past events/feelings?

I feel so absolutely certain that if I really let "everything" out I could likely be totally overwhelmed that I could seriously not handle it and possibly die.

 

[anthony]

Do you know what the risk of "physical" harm or "death" is from the tremendous anxiety if and when one really dives in to discussing past events/feelings?

It is definitely upon the scale, let me put it that way. Its not a 90% occurrence. For example, a trial containing 284 female veterans, CBT, they all have PTSD, there was a total of 4 suicide attempts and 13 psychiatric hospitalizations. Not bad numbers out of 284.

Here is the thing, and this is the choice everyone must make uniquely. Get serious, make a commitment to open it all up, and regardless what your head tells you with wanting to die, you commit to seeing it through, OR, you continue the way you are.

That is the choice when it comes to healing, and it is an individual choice. What you can't do though, is decide to back-out the moment it gets tough, because it will get tough... it will be worse than experiencing the trauma at some points, then things will progressively get better and better.

Here is one of the largest issues with therapy. Therapists primarily use a technique called Person Centered Therapy (PCT), that is the primary fundamental foundation to counselling of all sorts. It is that empathetic, accepting, safe, fuzzy environment they attempt to promote to keep you coming back, to make you feel warm and fuzzy. Problem is, it doesn't work for PTSD, and studies prove it without doubt. This is the difference between a therapist and a trauma therapist. PCT will be around, but it must be kept to a minimum, if not tossed out the door entirely, because trauma doesn't go anywhere when your surroundings are nurturing.

 

[Hlost]

Yep... easier said than done... though once you get started, once you work through one, once you have learnt the process, you repeat it. The process doesn't change, only the substance.

Its also really important to ask yourself the right questions, from a third party perspective.

Why is not really a good question to ask... but instead use what, how, etc. They are more defined to a specific aspect, than broad to, why!

I think this is the question. I have always been willing but somewhere in there I been missing things. I keep trying to control and I know it's because I don't trust. I have reason for that but somewhere along the line I have to be willing to give up the reigns and trust the process or I'll never get past the place I'm in. I will say I'm terribly afraid even though the traumas have long since past. It makes no sense to me but I am.