If It Sounds Like A Duck...

[fin]

ok soooo this is kind of what I am talking about...sort of

I have just received a letter that has got to me.....a previous doctor (re-meds) has asked me to attend at a centre where I was abused....very small cantre and the person still works there.

This is all the same H/A and they know that I have no intention of going back there. At least not on my own and not on a day or time that the other person is there.

I have been told to lodge a formal complaint...I just cant do that on my own and I think they know that..I think they think if they make this as hard as they can I will just go-away. I really do.

I see the other psych somewhere else....oh and if this is the follow up to the first appointment that was 5 (i think) months ago.

I am supposed to be having a CPA.....I have asked repeatedly...so that I know what is going on ...so that I can put across my hopes/expectations/my part in my recovery ....need to stop as am going to completely go off the wall in a minute

spiralling freefall

I have had no therapy to learn, I have no techiquesare

I had to sit in a
OK am postin g have been sick and the IBS is kicking in ....my heart is racing and my mind is about to start bouncing of the walls.......all over te place at the momen

 

[A-RON]

Fin, this sounds like serious torment. I encourage you to find someone that could help you file a formal complaint. And I would say that if someone makes you feel less confident or somehow inferior, DON'T HANG AROUND THEM! Please.

I know it's tough. It's really tough. But you've said to me before, "You can do it, you just gotta keep moving forward, you gotta keep trying, you can do it." Of course I'm paraphrasing. But the point is, now you have the chance to prove your own theory! And I believe you can.

I'm really concerned that these people are super unhealthy for you to be around, and I hope that you will find a way to take action. If there's anyone you know in the real world that you can say, "hey, this is extremely critical for me to fix right now. I need your help. This isn't something in my head, this is external, and I need to figure out how to make it stop."

I hope this helps? Keep us all posted.

 

[fin]

A-RON thankyou for posting your concern, I feel I need to adress some things you have written about and also I urge you to seek help with your PTSD also.

Fin, this sounds like serious torment. I encourage you to find someone that could help you file a formal complaint. And I would say that if someone makes you feel less confident or somehow inferior, DON'T HANG AROUND THEM! Please.

these are my health care workers....I do not leave my house any longer and I am relying on these people to point me and help move towards the right direction. I want to make it plain I do not "Hang Around With Them". I just feel I need to make this clear in case I havent already.

I know it's tough. It's really tough. But you've said to me before, "You can do it, you just gotta keep moving forward, you gotta keep trying, you can do it." Of course I'm paraphrasing. But the point is, now you have the chance to prove your own theory! .

I am not out to prove any theory of mine, when I have encouraged others to stay with it, it is because they already have had support and therapy in place and the thing I am encouraging them to do is the work involved, which is difficult and we all need encouragment to get through this when having a bad day. I am not encouraging anyone to go it alone.

I'm really concerned that these people are super unhealthy for you to be around, and I hope that you will find a way to take action. If there's anyone you know in the real world that you can say, "hey, this is extremely critical for me to fix right now. I need your help. This isn't something in my head, this is external, and I need to figure out how to make it stop." .

I have no one in the real world to say what you have suggested I say...which is why I am here trying to learn someway of getting that far and I am pretty sure I have expressed this.

Your next point worries me because it has been a recurring theme in some of your posts within the forum in regards to this...

A-RON in your thread Anyone "Else Sick Of Being Apologetic" post 3 you have said:
"I think one of my insecurities on this website is that I haven't actually been diagnosed with PTSD, and although I don't have any issues with going to a doctor, it just seems like a big hassle. A huge hassle, actually. When I was having my first major crisis (6-9 months ago), I went to a counselor for five sessions and they had no clue what my problem was and eventually became scared of me because I was so angry that they weren't doing anything to help me when I needed immediate help and they were wasting my time and prolonging my crisis. Then two weeks ago, I went to a doctor, but I was late to the appointment, so he basically did nothing and just rescheduled me for three weeks later (January 28th), even though I told him I needed to fix the problem immediately since I was about to be fired. I was fired like three days later. When I do see him, I think he's just going to refer me to someone else, which means I'm just wasting my time."


I have to say PTSD (and mine is complex), doesn't get fixed right away.
It takes time and a lot of work on the part of the sufferer.


I am concerned at what it is you might mean by writing what you have written in my thread and in others; that you see no point in receiving help or therapy unless they can "fix it", is not going to help you in the long run. If you have the opportunity for descent professional therapy I would honestly take it. It is such a difficult step but it will aid you in your walk to a positive life lived with PTSD but less governed by it.

I hope this helps? Keep us all posted.

I have written some of my problems with getting treatment through much of this forum...

Thankyou again A-RON for your interest...please look inside yourself when you are offered treatment or help in respect to treating the PTSD you believe you may have. Having mine left untreated has only hindered my life.

I believe that all of us here have the potential to be able to live with this. To really live rather than to simply exist which is what is happening to me at the moment. I believe the PTSD is not who I am just a part what I am like at the moment.

And I really want to be able to live again.

 

[A-RON]

Sorry :)

-A

 

[fin]

Its cool A-RON...you have no need to be sorry, we are all on a journey here.

To me PTSD is very serious, my life has pretty much become immobilised by it, every aspect of my life is affected by this now. And I am having trouble getting comprehensive and supportive treament.

I am at a loss to comprehend that someone couldnt be bothered and felt treatment to be a waste of time.

And I feel a little upset and hurt actually that once again my thread has been taken off-topic.

~fin

 

[A-RON]

I don't think it's off topic. Please don't be upset. I think PTSD is serious for every person here. And I don't think it's fair for any of us to say that we're alone. I've said it, you've said it, we've all said it, but it just isn't true.

You titled this thread "If It Looks Like A Duck." I'm telling you IT LOOKS LIKE A DUCK.

So apparently the solution is not possible at this moment. I understand that, and I can relate. So I guess the only helpful thing I can actually tell you is to breathe. I learned that one from reading a post by Grama-Herc in a different thread. Breathe.

We're all here for you. I'm here for you.

 

[fin]

I am asking you to stop, please A-RON please stop now.


~fin

 

[fin]

ok ...so I am once more going to try with this thread...

I started this thread last week because I have had so much trouble getting treatment-appropriate treatment and being heard with regards to it.

For those who dont know...I have a really important meeting tomorrow re-treatment...and ...I want to say thankyou to all those who have encouraged me...

"So I am asking myself... Why does one person hear and the other doesn't?
What does one person hear that the other doesnt?
And... How am I not making myself understood?
How can I better this situation?"

I don't know any of the answers to this yet other than what I have written in this forum and what I have read. BUT.....

I have wondered about the baggage that the other person is coming with and what their frailties are...as even psychs. have those.
The one problem I start having with doing this is that I start compensating and making allowances....

Luthien I will be carrying your support in my head tomorrow as I have this meeting that I really need to be "heard" in ...which was why I started this thread. Your words have encouraged me that I need to trust my gut so I am going to really try to do that. Thankyou

Grama-Herc I have written some things down (as you suggested at the begining here)...in the hope that I will not get side-tracked or flustered. And I am so encouraged by your posts today and that has uplifted me to believe that I can do this to. Thankyou

...While....I know with my head that I am able to express myself...
..I come with baggage that I believe I am not worthy of being heard....
and in so doing I express in some way my unworthiness and........ Something I am saying has to be instigating this effect in others.

This meeting tomorrow...well...
I am terrified about it.. you know?....this is sooo important I soo dont want to screw it up.

I will be going with the forum with me; all the encouragement, and friendship I have here will hopefully help guide and get me through. I am not alone anymore with this....am trying to BE STRONG and trying to BE CONFIDENT... that's got to be good for a start.

ok am going to start gushing so ...and just typing now am feeling some confidence ebb away from me, so gotta stop now. No more thinking on tomorrow I may well overthink it otherwise.

God this was hard to write had to keep picking through.

am posting and moving on...yeeeeha!!

~fin

 

[fin]

yesterday didnt go well..

I didnt freak out...so that was good.
I took my list etc. read one thing from it...and again...(have kind of vented some in my diary so wont re-hash here)

Anyway I was told what had been decided and will have to wait until the psychologist has found an emdr spec. to be able to work with me.
This is no better than last year except it is now a psychologist telling me instead of my care co-ordinator.

Am tired....but I was glad I managed to say or do something even if it meant nothing to her...it meant something to me.
I am going to see my gp tomorrow to see what he can do...and i have notes again Grama-Herc...
And hopefully the care c0-cordinator will be coming tomorrow afternoon...and I have some things that need addressing with him so...

I wish I could abdicate some of this I am so tired at the moment....but to give up now would be stupid.

 

[fin]

So wow it has been 2 months since I last wrote here, and I guess some things have changed slightly, but nothing in regards to getting any kind of treatment in the realworld. In fact that situation is actually getting worse for me and I really didn't think it could haha

Again I would like to say THANKYOU for this forum, this site has given me so much since I came here. I am able to see that I am changing here and a few people in the realworld have seen it also. My care co-ordinator thinks I am great to be around, he has said he comes to me to feel better- I am in some kind of better place almost zen-like and maybe a bit of the oracle!! Actually I think it is just that I am begining to see things very kind of differently, and he is enjoying seeing me like it. An old friend got in touch, yeah she wasnt there for me...not in quite a few years but hey...its all cool with me so, I called on her and said hello, she seemed pretty down when I got there but was laughing when I left; and she has rung me twice since because she wants to feel good again. And my son says you can't miss that I am changing, and he thinks its cool too.

The thing is, I am working on this and at the same time wondering if I have moved forward very much in terms of the outside world...in enough of a way that enhances my life... I know I was there before for eveyone...and I mean EVERYONE and when it hit for me...I was alone and so now I am thinking ...how do I help myself to get what it is that I need?

And yes it does feel good that other people want to be around me, I can't deny this...it feels bloody brilliant, but it isn't the sum of what I need and I have to start acknowledging I have needs also. And I am kind of wondering about this some now... oh and i have a lot of "stuff" on going out and re meeting people and a whole load of ther stuff, but I am still trying to keep working on this, on all of it.... etc... I am early days still folks but it is still pretty great in these days.

It feels a little odd to be saying this, and it feels excrutiatingly selfish at the same time, and it just doesn't sit quite right saying this, but unless I acknowledge me and what it is that I need; wont I become bitter at some point? I know it has felt like I may do, hell I have felt so lost and so alone for so long and I am very vulnerable to too much really. And I just don't want to suffer any further trauma's because somehow I may have given out the wrong signal...and yes I know I am taking the blame for it all back on myself by writing that here, but this stuff happened to me and I need to make sure that it doesn't happen ever again. And I know that there are no guarantees in this life...but hey..enough is enough yes?





As an aside and in part along with this thread here; I have updated elsewhere about treatment and some trust issues...but I would like to add here I am still waiting to hear again about EMDR treatment and whether or not...and they are still yanking my chain on this. Yes perhaps not quite the right term there but hell I am struggling on this one and it does bring me down and they have messed me around a hell of a lot...a lot of broken promises and a lot of missed appointment's by the realworld "professionals".

OK so I am going to post and back away...although it was good to come back and read this...I can see that I have travelled some distance since I first came here and also since I last wrote here in this particular thread...and that has to be a boost to anyone. It soo is to me and thats for sure, and I say thankyou again.

Again if you are reading this please know you are not alone, and please know that PTSD can be managed and we can live and have lives again.

My life had totally stopped completely; and I mean completely, and if it wasn't for lack of funding here in realworld, and the general state of things and perhaps the fact that the only person I was a threat to was myself, well I do think I would have been in hospital last year... I was completely off the deep end no life left at all...means exactly that. I am really not saying it for dramatic effect.

I am still hoping and just having hope again is pretty fantastic, and I have to say, this does take work here, any therapy you have you get back what you put into it, and no one can do the work for you... But hey I am doing it here and it works...it really works people. And to EVERYONE that has helped me here, because I know I have had so much help, encouragment and kindness I say again words will probably never be enough but THANKYOU

whoop whoop (kind of)
~fin