If Life Experiences Make Us Who We Are, Then Who Am I?

[Grama-Herc]

As some of you know, I have no memory of my life until about the age of 23. That is when my daughter was born, although I do not remember her birth or even being in the hospital for 5 days.

So if our life experiences make us who we are, then who am I?

I graduated form high school. I know cuz there are pictures. I was a bride and had a wedding--again with the pictures! I had jobs between high school and my wedding. I know this because my mother told me.I dated a variety of men according to mother and "messed up" the relationships with the good guys and continued to see the idiot loosers. Mom shared that tidbit with me too!

So now bundle together all my experiences of work, dating and all the other stuff I don't remember and ask yourself, If these experiences are suppose to make me who I am today, then------
How can I be anything, let alone ME?

 

[JustJane]

I believe your traumas made you and to spare you the details of poor choices, your mind decided to banish your ability to remember the mistakes that so traumatized you. Just my 2 cents.

 

[Grama-Herc]

Jane

Good point. It is also an interesting way to look at this mess. I wonder though, who or what I would have become if I remembered all the "monsters under the bed"!

 

[void]

:hello:Good question!:think:

Personally, I don't know who I am either. I don't know what my personality is. Is it the constantly cautious, fearful and mistrusting man or is the gentle compassionate and kind man. Both exist, both influence every moment. Is my extroversion an over-compensation? Is my introversion a retreat to try and feel safe?:dontknow:
Hope one day you have some answers, Grama-Herc!:smile:

 

[xxarmywifexx]

I too, hope one day you find the answer. I struggle with the same question. I have yet to slow down to really think about it...or is that a choice?

At some points I think I become what I do, what others want me to be or what I wish I could be. The list goes on. I don't think my expirences in life have cought up with me fully and if they did I don't think I would want to be what that stood for. A doormat...a motherless child, a confused teen, an abused soul. These are my experiences...I don't want them to effect me let alone define me.

Hugs :Hug_emoticon:

xxarmywifexx

 

[Deleted member 541]

Herc,

You are the person that you have become. One that has had trauma, survived, learned, accepted, and grown.

I know that the gaps in your life bother you, and some of the things you remember, you would rather forget.....

Instead of worrying about who you are, why not focus on the person that you have become. A compassionate caring daughter, a new grandmother, and a second chance mom.......Focus on the present and future. If your past creeps up, then deal with it at that time.....

Hugs.....

 

[becvan]

I look at it this way, I was born on the day I remember from. That is where I begin. Sort of like a rebirth, you know? I don't know what happened before then, so it is not who I am. I am who I am from that point forward..

Okay NO idea if that made sense.. :crazy:

bec

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Grama Herc, most people can't answer this question, "Who Are You"? Even the most educated, and mentally healthy people have a problem with this question. It's because as humans we have a duality within us that causes self doubt.

I'm not certain that our life experiences makes us who we are today. That is true to a certain extent, but not totally.

Genetics also make us who we are today. Genetics play a big part in how we react to situations and so many other things. So I believe that the saying "our experiences make us who we are today" is not 100% accurate".

Hope this helped. But I certainly understand how it feels to have missing memories from your past.

Tammy

 

[BassistKara]

I'm currently struggling alot with this question. It's like my trauma has made me a sexual abuse survivor, and that there is nothing more to me apart from that. Like thats all i am, and all i ever will be, even though i know there are other parts to me, but it's like every part of who i am was effected by that, which leads back to the point of the abuse defining who i am.
I'm not even sure if that made sense!

 

[Grama-Herc]

Everyone who has written here has made a lot of sense and no sense all at the same time.

We do have a tendency to become our trauma and fail to see the real person we are. I have learned 1 thing today for sure. My missing memories is not so different than someone who does remember because these situations seem to cause the same outcome.

I just get so pissed about the holes in my life. I'll go along for a long time and not give it a seconds thought and then something will come up or someone will say something and I'm off on "missing memory party" again.

 

[Rivergirl]

Hiya Grama-Herc...........

I am what I care about; I am how I treat people; I am the values I try to live by; I am flawed and still struggling to live by those values; I am someone who is funny, compassionate, passionate about issues, have strong opinions and a strong personality, I am a survivor in that I slog along through all the quicksand and don't give up; I am a caring, open person who is wrestling with the experiences and traumas of her life. If I lost all my memories this minute I would still be that person.

Look beyond your experiences for your identity. They are only things that happened to you. Look to your heart for who you really are. :kiss:

Rivergirl

 

[Grama-Herc]

Well, I have to look past my experiences because I can't remember the experiences.

I have learn a lot this past year from my mother. living with her has shown me a side of her I never knew and I have learned from this experience.

She has shown me how to be a kind, decent and caring human being. I am so different now. I truly am a nicer person because of her.