If You Need To Go To The Hospital...

[Britt.f7]

Even though I would think my boys would be better off without me, there was still another part that did not want to leave them with the trauma of having a mother who committed suicide. Plus, the chance of a child committing suicide after a mother does is rather too high for comfort. Please think of this. I stood exactly where you are. I was safer when my kids were home. My husband was afraid for them to leave me alone because of it.

My heart is still with you during what I know is to be a real difficult time.

 

[cherryblossom]

Please don't feel stupid Catjudo.

I think you are incredibly amazing for all the fore planning that you are doing. Experiences at the ER will vary so much. There are so many variables, and although everyone should be treated the same exactly the same, that doesn't happen. Everyone involved is human, from the patient to the reception staff to the doctors and nurses. Procedures change over time, and are different due to different locations and facilities, and also different depending on how busy the ER is at the time. Being that you are talking to people all over the world, I don't think any of us can predict exactly how your experience at the ER might play out.

The only thing you can do (and are doing), is to be completely honest with yourself. I really hope that your therapist steps up, and supports you in the way she should.

I see a lot of strength and courage in you, that you may not see yourself. Keep fighting Catjudo, keep reaching out. I, for one am cheering you on from the side lines :hug:

 

[catjudo]

I met with my therapist a couple of days ago and I could not bring myself to have that conversation with her. On the upside, my mood does seem to be improving. I don't feel really steady or balanced...I've had a lot of agitation over seemingly little things and I'm losing my temper far too easily. But I'm not feeling sad, hopeless and desperate. I have talked to my psychiatrist over the phone and we agreed that it seems like it's a step in the right direction and that we'll stay on the medication/current dose for a little while and see how things go.

I met with my friend yesterday. I didn't really go into details with her but did let her know that I had come really close to needing her to take care of my daughter. She was (as predicted) upset that I had not let her know that I needed help...whether it was because I was being admitted to the hospital or just because I needed her to take my daughter so that I could get a break for a few days. I told her that I just couldn't bring myself to ask her. She tells me that I don't have to ask...just show up at her door with my daughter and her clothes and say I need you to take care of her for a few days. She insists that no matter what may be going on in her life at the moment, she would be able to make it work.

It feels good that my friend is so adamant that taking care of my daughter is no problem. But for whatever reason, I still don't feel like I could impose on her that way. Maybe exploring that and trying to come to terms with being able to ask for help is something that I can work on with my therapist sometime in the coming year.

 

[InHell11]

I went to a psych ward a couple months ago because I was on the verge of suicide. I just had my mom give me a ride to the hospital and I went to the ER and told them I was having suicidal thoughts I couldn't control. So they admitted me and I ended up waiting in another room till they took me to the psych ward, it was a boring long wait.

But yeah basically all you have to do is indicate your a danger to yourself and need to be somewhere safe, at least that's how it seems to work. I can't say it really helped me that much though, it just prevented me from attempting suicide till the urges died down. Then I was convinced if I stayed any longer I'd go crazy like more crazy than I already am. I am almost certain about that due to how I ended up reacting to the wellbutrin they gave me there, the psychiatrist I saw after I got out had me quit taking it.

So if you do go voluntarily which is what it sounds like your thinking about don't forget your there voluntarily and do have the right to leave. You may not have that issue but I personally felt like it would have been easy to more or less be confused into non-voluntary status.

 

[Nicolette]

It feels good that my friend is so adamant that taking care of my daughter is no problem.

It sounds like you have a good friend there Catjudo. I am sorry to read that you are having a difficult time but admire your strength and courage. Remember that asking for help is a sign of strength and not weakness as it takes courage to say 'help' and admit there is a problem.

Best wishes and thoughts are with you. :hug:

 

[amethist]

She tells me that I don't have to ask...just show up at her door with my daughter and her clothes and say I need you to take care of her for a few days.

A friend like this is just what you need Catjudo. Cherish her for being the friend she is.

 

[Britt.f7]

She tells me that I don't have to ask...just show up at her door with my daughter and her clothes and say I need you to take care of her for a few days.

Granted I've been teary over the last twenty four hours, but this made me tear up even more. What a very selfless friend you have there and how very loved you must be. Everyone needs to be needed in some form.

Now, knowing we are worth getting our needs met is another story. I understand it has less to do with her then yourself. I am horrible about that too. Haven't quite admitted to my husband all of what I've been feeling the last few weeks. I know he would be supportive and there for me. Hard, just hard, to admit we are worth it.

And, Catjudo, you are definitely worth it.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

(((Catjudo))) I am thinking of you. I am so happy for you that you have a friend like that. I hope you continue to take good care of yourself.

 

[maddog]

Catjudo, just wanted to chime in late on this thread to say a few things...

Firstly, I am so glad you're feeling a little better and are working to a plan to keep going forward for now.

Second, I echo what others have said about how wonderful it is that you have such a genuine and supportive friend - supportive and genuine sadly don't always exist together, and supportive without genuine isn't much good in a crisis. But she sounds genuine, and that counts for a lot.

And third, I just wanted to say how deeply I resonate with your struggle to seek and accept help, even when you know it's there, and even when the genuine offer of it fills you, at the time, with such warmth and reassurance. I felt I could have written your last post for you - I too have genuine people I could call on in a crisis who have told me so repeatedly, and yet when it really matters, I just... can't.

Like you, I know this is something I need to work on, and I'm not going to give any advice that I can't take for myself, other than to say I really applaud your honesty and self awareness - they will take you a long way on this issue.

Just wanted to offer some empathy for your situation I guess, and to say I hope you continue to feel better.

Maddog

 

[Marie10]

If you have a doctor or therapist, speak to them. If you do not, do not worry. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE LOVED and if you need to go then do so. Whatever it takes to make sure you are safe.

I once had to go to the E.R.- the hospital is huge and I was so worried that I would not be taken seriously. Do not worry about this. I too went in with a piece of paper, my name on it and wrote "I need help, I feel (or think, or have S.I.) and am scared".

There is no shame in this, your life is worth everything. Be very good to yourself, you really do deserve the best.

 

[catjudo]

I don't even know where I'm at, at the moment. Just when it starts to feel like things are starting to settle down and I might be doing okay, things feel turned upside down again.

I had really wanted to try to return to work last week but the day before I was going to call and let them know, I started to panic. I want to return to work. I need to return to work. But I worry that I'm not feeling really steady yet and that going back to work too soon may be just the thing to overwhelm me and send me spiraling back down and undo any progress I've made.

 

[Nicolette]

I'm sorry Catjudo... I don't even have any words of support to offer other than saying I'm here reading and barracking for your return to better mental health on the sidelines.