I'm 37 And Still Afraid Of The Hallway Light

[Panda Bear]

This post is probably I'm the wrong place...

I'm a 37yr old mom of 3 kids and married for the last 15yrs. The hallway light still scares the crap out of me. Bless my kids, but when if they get up at night and turn it on to see there way to the bathroom? No matter how well I may be sleeping, it wakes me and sends instant and horrid panic through my body.

Why? Why must one light make me so upset? I feel like a giant baby! Freak out, usually angry at that damn light and it makes me so mean. Sad, I shouldn't be upset at a small person who turns it on. :(. Sometimes I can't control the freak out that happens. I become someone else, nothing makes sense and I can't think.

Bless my husband who jumps from bed to try and make sure the light doesn't wake me up.

 

[twinkle30]

I am the opposite, the light off freaks me out.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Same as twinkle, scared of dark, a lot, though some things make it easier. But it's much more common than you think, and shouldn't be considered as something to stigmatize people with, it's basically normal here :P

 

[shimmerz]

Have you tried a blue (or other colour) nightlight in the hallway, left on at all times? I wonder if the change in hue would help at all.

 

[digger]

Bless my kids, but when if they get up at night and turn it on to see there way to the bathroom? No matter how well I may be sleeping, it wakes me and sends instant and horrid panic through my body.

Wondering if it is the act of the light getting switched on that sends you into panic, or the light being on at all? Have you tried leaving it on from the start of the night - obviously not helpful if it's the light being on at all that scares you, but if it's the light getting switched on and triggering you in a 'there's somebody there' way, might help.

Or could you use a different sort of light - if you have plugpoints in the hall, you can get plug in night lights which would give your children the safety and reassurance to see their way without disturbing you so much maybe? Take out the main bulb while they get used to the difference as they will probably still try to switch it on from habit.

 

[Panda Bear]

So, the light has to be OFF before I crawl into bed. It can not come on at all. Unfortunately the hall area is short and we have no plugs in that area for the kids :(.

My middle child has a lot of special needs and the light needs to stay working. I've been working with him I try and get him to walk into the living room when he gets up in the morning. He's about 40% reliable right now.

I did think about changing the color of the bulb....and I haven't tried yet. I might do that next.

Or I could just figure out how to not be afraid.....

 

[shimmerz]

Or I could just figure out how to not be afraid.....

Easier said than done. Much easier. What about his own special flash light?

 

[Panda Bear]

@shimmerz

We've tried a light, but he doesn't understand that he can't be up in the night or play with it in bed. He has serious sleep issues :O_o:. So we have to be very careful not mess with him or let him have anything in bed that might keep him awake.

It's looking like trying to work through the light fear is my best option. I trying!!! Just not succeeding as of yet. T knows, but it's not working.

 

[digger]

Or I could just figure out how to not be afraid.....

Definitely easier said than done, especially night time stuff - when you're not fully awake/aware it's even harder to get things in check. What suggestions has your T come up with for it?

 

[Panda Bear]

@digger

I'm going to bring it up again this week. But basically, we're working on processing the trauma associated with the fear of the light. There is a lot of abuse around that light, so it's slow going :cry:

I'm hoping we can put some of the fear and trauma through the EMDR. We're alternating weeks right now so as not to overwhelm me.

 

[illusionist]

It took me years as an adult to realise why the stair lights sent me into an uncontrollable panic.....it was an indication to when people were coming into my room to sexually abuse.

Once I realised why I was was doing it, I was able to work on it by bringing myself back into the present time. Also, I place my bed where I cannot see the light shining through the door.....Not so easy when we need to know when our kids are up.....but it works for me now as my kids are adults now and flown the nest, and as I was very hard of hearing when my kids were young, I depended on my alertness to the light to know they were up.

I would light a candle which helped me see that I was no longer in my old bedroom.....keep a favourite perfume by my bedside and touch my partner.....all helped me come back to reality. It takes a lot of work, as wakening up with that light sends you into an instant panic....but with work it did become easier.

I still have problems with this when I stay away from home and the bed is situated where I can see that dreaded light shining under the door....and I've not got my 'stuff ' at hand.

 

[Ronin]

Mm, is this associative? As instead of being about a light, being what the light signifies? (Someone coming / not coming when they should / something else happening of which the only thing you'd remember would be the lights or their angle)?

Because if that's the case, you can maybe chip at it (hey brain, this thing with the light doesn't signify all the other things are repeating) - and seconding others on, what of your sleeping & the lightening itself can you change as to make you more comfortable?