I'm A Ptsd Mom-ster

[Powder]

I don't know how to explain what I need here in this thread. Only that I have my first daughter 17 and taking her first college classes and a wonderfully good person who is terribly naive.

She is the most wonderful person. I'm not just saying because I'm her mother. Everyone from her first pre-school teacher to her current friends and teachers says it.

Her character is not the issue; it's her naivety and vulnerability. The problem with her kind nature is that she is overly trusting and simply does not see when people are using and manipulating her.

How do caring mom's help with this? I realize that it will take more time, and that her good life has just not taught her how to watch out for this like my tough life has. That's obvious.

What I don't know is what I can and should do more of. I talk to her about how men will immediately see her kind nature and will play to it, if they are the manipulative type. If not, there's no issue. She should immediately suspect a man, especially an older man, who upon meeting her tries to gain her immense PITY.

Can anyone direct me to site I could just read with her or maybe she and I could research?

 

[sedna]

I have 3 kids, two of my own, one is a permanent couch surfer, all teenagers. They're all boys though, which is a little easier for moms
.
One of mine is too trusting and sets himself up to get taken advantage of, I tell him what to look out for, but always leave it on a positive note. Like telling him to remember not everyone is a potential hazard, some people have a few warning signs but turn out to be okay etc.

I think girls especially feel the need to ignore a moms advice about dating and men, not always but to be on the safe side maybe try to look a little more nonchalant than you feel. The less you look worried, the more they will tell you about any topic.


If your parenting advice were stored in a computer in their head, you'd be crashing it by storing too many files of the same info.

I recently spent a couple hours with an 18 year old girl who's vulnerability made me really uncomfortable, I'm not used to the big wounded, hopeful doe eyed look in young women. I felt like someone had a vice grip on my heart and was squeezing it....my boys have sweet doe eyes, but its not the same. That was truly one of the most painful feelings I've had in a while and I had no idea what to do with it. You have my admiration for holding up through raising one!

Just remember, she doesnt have to look sophisticated or knowledgeable to really grasp how to stay safe, they have all kinds of safety stuff drilled into them that we didnt at their ages and its automatic. The dangers of social media and dating sites, awareness of stalking and bullying have put all of that in kids consciousness more than it was for us.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

@Muse you have one full year before your daughter becomes an adult and then she will be naturally making her own decisions, I have raised a son and a daughter and this happened to me when they each turned eighteen.

So you are in a position to bring up these things with your daughter now. To me everything radically changes when my kids turned eighteen and they began to make independent choices.

My son was killed in a motorcylce accident many years ago and I have my one remaing adult daughter. It has been quite a transition to me to detach and learn how to respect her as an adult with a life of her own.

So you are very lucky with your daughter. I hope that you have many chances to bring things up with her in casual conversations about the issues that you are concerned about.

You a momster NEVER!!!:hug:

 

[Silver.]

wow, I was just talking about this last night with my s/o about my daughter.
She is so naive, and things that I have learned along the way in life, I can't seem get her to grasp. Yes I know the age old, live and learn, but there has got to be something, other than me just saying "try looking at this situation from an outside perspective" to get her to see things as they are, and not with rose colored glasses eh?
Thank you for posting this, a book or website that could cover general naivety would be so helpful.
x

 

[Powder]

I have heard from my mom in law and my aunt on this.

My aunt's methods seemed to work better. She was always respectful of her young adult children's choices and freedoms. Never pushed hard at all, but constantly held high expectations, listened, and communicated her vision for what a "good life" looks like and where the traps that can steal it from youngsters lie.

I think this is best. A light but constant reminder. Wisdom, lightly.

My mom in law was hands off or recommends hands off and total freedom, but she was very bossy and overbearing about what she wanted everyone to be doing all the time. It didn't turn out horribly because she went into recovery and turned some of it around. It was too late for some of her kids who want little to do with her now.

I just know that I didn't get anywhere near good parenting. I don't pretend to have turned out alright. I have issues. I work on them, but I will have them forever.

I feel like I got to my recovery late in the game. I'm just scared I have missed something.

 

[seedling]

I always told my more incautious and outgoing son that he could count on me if he ever felt he needed help. Could call home anytime day or night if anything went wrong.
And I meant it.
I wouldn't have cared what was happening when he called. I would have been there.
I've always hoped that helped, that he knew he had a safety net and that we cared about him unconditionally.

I wished I'd felt that I could've turned to my parents for help when I was a teenager.