open eyes
Confident
I'm just angry and it's eating me alive. My body is falling apart because of it.
Last April my ex sexually assaulted me. He choked me hard during sex when I did not consent to it, and I could barely speak or breathe. I him to stop choking me, and he stopped for a minute, but then did it again, even harder. The cherry on the cake was that I was late on my next period and found out that I'd gotten pregnant from that very incident. It was during my midterms week of college and so I spent what was already a brutal time in the semester miscarrying.
For a year I told myself that it was fine, it was just a miscommunication, I should've set a boundary beforehand, I was just being dramatic etc.. This finally stopped when I told two of my friends what'd happened and I realized that I'd experienced assault, not bad sex.
Ever since, I've been slowly crumbling. I just got diagnosed with Conversion Disorder, which is when psychological trauma symptoms get 'converted' into neurological symptoms. I fortunately have a milder case of it, but it is still causing me immense difficulty in my work and social life.
I'm enraged. I want to scream from the top of a building. I have so much pent up hatred that I suppressed for a year.
How the hell do I let go of all the anger?
Last April my ex sexually assaulted me. He choked me hard during sex when I did not consent to it, and I could barely speak or breathe. I him to stop choking me, and he stopped for a minute, but then did it again, even harder. The cherry on the cake was that I was late on my next period and found out that I'd gotten pregnant from that very incident. It was during my midterms week of college and so I spent what was already a brutal time in the semester miscarrying.
For a year I told myself that it was fine, it was just a miscommunication, I should've set a boundary beforehand, I was just being dramatic etc.. This finally stopped when I told two of my friends what'd happened and I realized that I'd experienced assault, not bad sex.
Ever since, I've been slowly crumbling. I just got diagnosed with Conversion Disorder, which is when psychological trauma symptoms get 'converted' into neurological symptoms. I fortunately have a milder case of it, but it is still causing me immense difficulty in my work and social life.
I'm enraged. I want to scream from the top of a building. I have so much pent up hatred that I suppressed for a year.
How the hell do I let go of all the anger?