I'm Done

[Bri]

I'm not the type of person who ever shares any of her feelings about my depression, I keep it to myself. But With in the past 6 months my manageable depression and anxiety has taken a pretty bad turn, I feel constantly as tho I'm not good enough to be heard or thought of, I have no friends left I've managed to push everyone away by just not talking not messaging them and it went to show that they didn't miss me anyways they all just left and forgot about me. I honesty cry every day about how much I hate myself how much I hate how I look it's disgusting and I know people think it too, they have told me. My teeth are crooked and it makes it easy for people to say something negative but I can't afford to fix them and I never will so I'm stuck with that too. I have a ptsd from growing up with a mother and step dad that that heavily abused crystal meth, crack and alcohol as well as physical abuse which is a major reason why I have problems talking and being around people. I just feel like at this point in my life I've suffered al to much already and this will probably just sound whiny or dramatic to you but it's effected me so poorly that I can't put it away anymore, it's just here and won't go away. I'm ruining my job by not being able to work because I'm crying, sad , depressed and can't get out of bed. What's the point anymore

 

[ladee]

I absolutely understand your feelings of what's the point. Been there quite a few times myself. And very proud of you for reaching out to talk with someone. This is an awesome place to be. No matter how bad it seems, we have people that still care and hear what we are saying.... not gonna lie, some days or weeks or months are just hard. But so many people here who have so much to share for it to at least get 'different' if not always better. At least for awhile, then it gets better. Happy you are here.... sending you :hug:'s if you accept them.

 

[Bri]

It's just been harder lately because almost every day I think of killing myself and how much easier it would be but I can't because it would affect my family and I can't do that to them, so I just think about it all the time

 

[ladee]

Bri, are you in therapy? Do you have any kind of close support?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I ABSOLUTLY know what its like to have no one that cares (or seems that no one cares anyway)! I dont have any friends, all of my family left and exiled me from the family; they dont believe me about my past and actually still talks to my mom whom is the only living pair that put me through 'the house of hell'.

My story (if you want to read it that is, its long...at least it'll give ya something else to do ;)) is the first page of my diary: Link Removed

Suicide is the first thought i have when i wake up, think about it all day, and last thought i have at night (though a bit better lately). So i completely understand where you are at BUT whether you know it or not, theres at least one person, probably more, that would hurt every day of their life because you arent here.

Here are some great grounding techniques from an old post i found in 2007 (replies) that help: https://www.myptsd.com/threads/breathing-and-grounding.3637/

Go outside. Look at the sky/stars, hear the birds/crickets. See the beautiy in the world instead of the despair.

If all else fails, call a crisis line or go to an ER as id be sad if you werent here!

Welcome to the forum! :hug:

 

[Forgetful]

@Bri I'm so sorry you're feeling that bad. I know how that feels. I struggled with MDD with SI for.more than 30 years. Therapy and meds didn't work very well. About 5 years ago I was hospitalized again. As I had been treatment resistant it was suggested I try shock treatment (ECT).

My family, doctors and I talked about it and we gave it a lot of thought. We agreed and I received 12 sessions.

Since then my depression has gotten ALOT better.I still have off days, but they're easier to get through and don't happen as often.

You should at least see a therapist and try medication.

Although the thoughts and feelings you are struggling with may be hard to talk about it is important to do. It will get easier.

I'm glad you found us. You can practice talking about that stuff with us. Please,take care of yourself and know we care.

 

[Kailani]

So wish you felt better!!! I've been there too many times and my heart goes out to you. If I could wrap a warm blanket around you and give you hot chocolate. I'd tell you it's your friends loss to not have you around and I'm sure they still think of you and if they don't they weren't the right ones. There are a ton of people that have had difficult experiences and would love to have you as a friend. Day by day. Just got to make it through the day. Maybe outpatient therapist or inpatient and a doctor for antidepressants. You know. We care here!!!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I dont know if it will help (i really post this too much) but this video is my 'go to video' when im too close to the edge and can pull myself back. Ignore the forgien words, read & listen to the English words (plus i adore the song ;)) :

 

[blackemerald1]

I can understand how you are feeling, I have a Major Depression disorder & haven't got out of bed four five days. All I can suggest is force your self to your local doctor & see if he/she can get you some help. Get diagnosed so you can find out what treatments you can get. What started this bout of depression, can tell us about that, sometimes, most times it helps to talk it out even by writing to us here. This place is my only form of friendship I have. My real world friends ran up their rat holes like I was contagious.

See a Dr & start telling us what is going on. We will listen & we are either right where you are or have been.

If you can get a formal diagnosis, the Dr may also be able to help with a sickness certificate for work - if necessary disability benefits.

PS: welcome to a new lot of friends!