I'm Genuinely Confused?

[RaiseYourGlass]

So I've been having flashbacks for a while. They were always the same: I feel like the abuse is actually happening during the flashback. I tense up, I shake, I pretty much freak out. It's kind of like a panic attack plus the actual sensations of being assaulted. Up until about a week ago those were the only flashbacks I had ever had.

Recently though, I've been having weird flashbacks. Actually I'm not even sure that they are flashbacks. It's like a weird mix between a flashback and dissociation. Basically I have a visual flashback, like I'm watching the abuse happen from a third person point of view, but I don't feel anything. I go completely numb physically and emotionally. When it happens I don't hear or see much of what's actually around me(like with dissociation) but I'm watching the abuse happen(like a flashback). When I finally come back to the present all of the emotion floss back and I usually cry or have a panic attack.

I'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced this? Is it a flashback or dissociation or a mix of the two?

 

[NovemberStar]

Hi. I don't think it's a flashback if you get just the image - or even an image and feelings - a flashback is like you describe in the first example, where you really do feel like it's happening right then and there all over again. It's like one minute you are in the 'now' a second later, you're back in time and the abuse / trauma is happening all over again, as in happening RIGHT THEN.

The second example you give sounds more like a memory, and possibly some dissociation in it - or perhaps, it's a memory, of you dissociating.

 

[Deleted member 27340]

If I understand it right a flashback can be anything from your first example,entirely reliving the incident, to only a physical sensation you had when it happened, like pain in a given area. It can also be emotions, images alone, "films" and even only a glimmer of an image, sensation or anything else related to the incident and your experience of it.

So to me it sounds like you're having a flashback, but you dissociate yourself through it because it's hard to bear and then the dissociation wall breaks down when the flashback is done.