I'm going to get waxed in a few days and I have problems with physical contact

[Violette_Sixx]

Hi everyone, I'll be waxing in a few days. the problem is that two years ago on the bus a stranger touched me first on my thigh and then on my pussy and this led me to have several problems. the last time I waxed I had a nervous breakdown that left me crying, screaming and shaking. I really don't know how to hold back nervous breakdowns because I don't want my beautician to think it's her fault and when I have these attacks afterwards I feel very ashamed (sorry for the grammar, but I don't speak English and I'm sleepy)

 

[Rose White]

don't know how to hold back nervous breakdowns because I don't want my beautician to think it's her fault and when I have these attacks afterwards I feel very ashamed

Can you tell her that you were sexually assaulted and that if you start to cry it’s not her fault? And also what are some grounding techniques you might use?

 

[PlainJane]

Mod Note:

I removed the trigger warning from the title of your thread, as we don't use them here.

If you have any questions or concerns, do not hesitate to reach out at Contact Us.

Welcome to the forum!

 

[Friday]

Waxers? Are almost universally badass, as a profession.

And, bizarrely, there are so FEW nerves in a Brazilian wax it’s ALMOST like being cheated. Because it “should” hurt more?!? IDFK. The worst part of a Brazilian is the bikini line, and that’s where they start, so it just gets better/number that it makes it almost… anticlimactic.

Just make sure you

1) Take some Tylenol/ibuprofen &
2) don’t get waxed during PMS/Period, and it would hurt more to have almost any other part of your body waxes. PMS/Period ALL waxing is super sucky. Because hormones. And weirdness.
3) Use some secret solid afterward to prevent chafing.

 

[OM_™]

Hi everyone, I'll be waxing in a few days. the problem is that two years ago on the bus a stranger touched me first on my thigh and then on my pussy and this led me to have several problems. the last time I waxed I had a nervous breakdown that left me crying, screaming and shaking. I really don't know how to hold back nervous breakdowns because I don't want my beautician to think it's her fault and when I have these attacks afterwards I feel very ashamed (sorry for the grammar, but I don't speak English and I'm sleepy

Sorry to hear about your sexual assault and the resultant distress (trauma response). Was this reported to police/transport authorities or someone in your area that might assist victims of crime? Perhaps you can talk to a doctor that can put you in touch with a good therapist?

 

[Movingforward10]

What helps me in intimidate things like this is to have a plan of what you want to happen and explain that to the person.
you don’t need to give your trauma history. But you can say “this is intimate and it will help me if you do XYZ”

things that help me, these might or might not help you:
the person standing in certain places (I.e. not leaning over my body but being at the botttom of my body
the person telling me what they are doing and checking that the next thing they will do I am still ok about
not talking about other chit chat whilst touching me (I.e. no chats about the weather or holidays, but informing me what is happening and about to happen instead)

these things help me feel in control and knowledgable of what is going to happen. And not acting like it isn’t happening, all things that didn’t happen in my rapes/assaults.

give yourself the power. You are buying a service and it needs to go the way that makes you comfortable. So explain what that is.

 

[CurlingCuando]

Hi everyone, I'll be waxing in a few days. the problem is that two years ago on the bus a stranger touched me first on my thigh and then on my pussy and this led me to have several problems. the last time I waxed I had a nervous breakdown that left me crying, screaming and shaking. I really don't know how to hold back nervous breakdowns because I don't want my beautician to think it's her fault and when I have these attacks afterwards I feel very ashamed (sorry for the grammar, but I don't speak English and I'm sleepy)

I would opt to do it myself. I was told I was too much when I informed a physicians assistant that I was a survivor of SA and assault and asked for a little consideration. The fact you made the appointment is awesome.

 

[Violette_Sixx]

Sorry to hear about your sexual assault and the resultant distress (trauma response). Was this reported to police/transport authorities or someone in your area that might assist victims of crime? Perhaps you can talk to a doctor that can put you in touch with a good therapist?

no, I didn't tell you what happened to me. but on the other hand I told my family what happened to me. luckily they believed me but, as far as the psychologist was concerned, I was there. at first she (the psychologist) asked me how I was dressed, but nevertheless she believed me. I know I should have reported it, but I couldn't even look the man who was touching me in the face or react (sorry if I answer you again, but I wrote it in Italian by mistake)

 

[OM_™]

Va bene, sono un figlio Australiano di genitori Calabrese (It's OK, I'm an Australian son of Calabrese parents). La mia scrittura Italiana non é buona (My Italian writing is not good). Capisco a volte affrontare la polizia é altrettanto traumatico e scatenante dell'assolto (I understand, sometimes facing the police is just as traumatic and triggering as the assault.

Sorry if my Italian translation is not perfect.

 

[Violette_Sixx]

Va bene, sono un figlio Australiano di genitori Calabrese (It's OK, I'm an Australian son of Calabrese parents). La mia scrittura Italiana non é buona (My Italian writing is not good). Capisco a volte affrontare la polizia é altrettanto traumatico e scatenante dell'assolto (I understand, sometimes facing the police is just as traumatic and triggering as the assault.

Sorry if my Italian translation is not perfect.

Tranquillo, è tutto apposto. Comunque in effetti quello che mi è successo mi ha causato non pochi problemi (Don't worry, everything's fine. However, what happened to me actually caused me quite a few problems)

 

[OM_™]

Can you tell her that you were sexually assaulted and that if you start to cry it’s not her fault? And also what are some grounding techniques you might use?

What helps me in intimidate things like this is to have a plan of what you want to happen and explain that to the person.
you don’t need to give your trauma history. But you can say “this is intimate and it will help me if you do XYZ”

things that help me, these might or might not help you:
the person standing in certain places (I.e. not leaning over my body but being at the botttom of my body
the person telling me what they are doing and checking that the next thing they will do I am still ok about
not talking about other chit chat whilst touching me (I.e. no chats about the weather or holidays, but informing me what is happening and about to happen instead)

these things help me feel in control and knowledgable of what is going to happen. And not acting like it isn’t happening, all things that didn’t happen in my rapes/assaults.

give yourself the power. You are buying a service and it needs to go the way that makes you comfortable. So explain what that is.

As a male victim of CSA, I have empathy with anyone that has experienced sexual assault. Perhaps the female perspectives offered by Rose White and Movingforward10 are more appropriate than my 'tell the police' approach. I hope you can find a caring / understanding therapist and beautician...take care!

 

[PlainJane]

Mod Note:
@OM_™, @Violette_Sixx

This is an English speaking only forum.