Im Lost!

[Feteha]

So I have had one of the worst days I have had in a while. I normally have a couple of close people I can depend on and they are not available. I do not know where to turn or what to do. I am not suicidal or anything just very depressed. I feel like crying and screaming and running and so much more that I am confused. For a while I have been seeing these four people. Three are soldiers and one is a child. The child was killed in Afghanistan during a convoy and the three soldiers were killed a different times during my deployments. I just see them. They typically just stare at me, I never hear them. I don't know if that is normal, I don't think it is. It sure doesn't feel normal. I have had such a good long stretch of managing and now I feel like I am as worse as I ever have been. I just don't know what do to.

 

[Wojape]

Sometime there's nothing to do but hang on. Even the worst of episodes don't last forever.

Keep moving and looking for some little thing to put you in a better place. The imporvements will be small, and may not seem like much at the time. But, each one counts.

 

[Fenalu]

You need try to forgive yourself. You didn't mean for any of it to happen.

 

[Hijav]

Sometimes just leaning back and taking a big breath of air helps. My first thought is remembrance of those I know who can't breath anymore. And the oxygen gets me by for a few minutes.

Don't let your thoughts and memories get ahead of enjoying life. I do it all the time and will again. The pain is all temporary.

 

[Bocu]

Hang in there friend!

It's the way the beast torments us. A vet once answered when asked "when were you in Vietnam" and he answered "last night"....

A day does not pass that I don't see the faces or hear the sounds. Over time it does not lessen nor does it become easier to deal with. It's become part of the landscape of my life and my daily task is to work around it the best I can.

Some days I can "bob n weave" and avoid getting caught in the corner but some days it cleans my clock but, I get to get to answer the bell for the next round. Good luck!

Ba