I'm New Here

[pontifixmax]

Hi there. I'm new here. Someone on the PTSD Forum encouraged me to check out this site. I am a survivor of sexual abuse in adolescence. I was 16 to be precise, and was abused by more than one perpetrator while I was homeless and living on the street. I really struggle sometimes with whether to call myself a survivor of childhood sexual abuse since I wasn't a child per se, but I wasn't an adult either so I'm not sure where I fit. Anyways what I do know for sure is that it was all pretty awful and that I'm still living with the fallout from it today. I drank for many years to make it all go away, and while I have been sober for nearly a year the challenges facing me now are dealing with the abuse in therapy. Let's just say its not easy. Since starting to deal with it in therapy flashbacks and nightmares have been coming up for me, which makes it even harder to stay sober. In alot of ways it just doesn't seem fair to have to live for so long with the consequences of what someone else did to me. Anyways thank you for letting me share here.

 

[Lucycat]

Hi Ponti
Welcome to the forum.

In alot of ways it just doesn't seem fair to have to live for so long with the consequences of what someone else did to me.

I am sure all of us here would agree with this statement. Sadly life is not fair, we just have to make the best of it. Getting into therapy is an excellent starting point.

I am sorry for what you endured. To be honest I don't think your age at the time matters too much in that you were still vulnerable even if you worry that at 16 you were not exactly a child. Many people ARE still children at that age, regardless of what the law says.

I hope you find comfort on the forum. It sure is a tough journey we embark on, and it helps to share it with 'forum friends'

Best wishes
Lucy x

 

[fresh_start]

Hi Ponti,

I liked your introduction, because you were honest and candid about your experiences. You are very very brave for facing flashbacks in therapy and to be dealing with an addiction on top of it. I can very much relate to drinking to try to numb how you feel and what you are experiencing in response to what happened to you. At one point, I actually did the same thing to mask nightmares and flashbacks. I'm a rape survivor who has been dealing with the consequences of what someone else did to me for almost 12 years now, and it was my first sexual experience so I felt very much like a child at the time. It's so not fair that yourself and other survivors have to deal with the trauma for so very long. It's never okay that anyone took advantage of your vulnerability whether you are 16 years old or five years old. There are lots of people on this forum who can relate to your experiences.

Regards to you during your recovery,
fresh_start

 

[cherryblossom]

Hello Ponti

Welcome to the forum. :wave:

Re-living memories in therapy, is really hard, but hopefully the results will be worth it. Hang on in there and continue your hard work. Well done on sobriety, that too is soo worth it. Congratulations.

Stay strong, and you will reap the benefits. We are all here to support each other, in our difficult journeys. I hope you find the people and information here of benefit.

Regards
CB