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[IvyMillie]

I've been married to a Vietnam Veteran with PTSD for 21 years. It has been hard at times. However, this year I had my own medical problems and it was hard because my husband is unable to give any support or sympathy when I need help. I know this is a symptom of PTSD and generally when I feel good and strong I'm okay with it. It just really gets hard when he lacks the ability to show any sympathy for me. Of course, he has about 4 different moods he gets into. These moods can last for days or weeks. I never know which he is going to be from one moment to the next. Sometimes he really can be nice and sweet, but I never know when.

This is one terrible thing that happens to me and I hate to even admit it. When he is in his worst moods I just sort of stay out of his way. After a few days I kind of adjust. However, when he is in his nice mood I get so nervous wondering when the nice person will go away. I get internally mad when he switches from nice to his meaner--more distant moods. It really frustrates me, so in some ways I feel more secure and stable when he is in his more distant moods. That's kind of terrible isn't it.

What makes this all super hard for me is that my mother had mental illness--and alot of how he behaves is the way I was raised. It brings up all my insecurities. My childhood wasn't nice, and now it's like I'm living the emotional side of that all over again.

I really try to take care of myself, but what makes it challenging is that I have Multiple Chemical Sensitivity which makes socializing and having friends really hard for me. I can't be in most public buildings etc. My illness has gotten worse, so I feel even more isolated. I do try to have my own hobbies and such to have some my time.

I'm really grateful for this site because I have tried to reach out to others, but they just don't understand. I don't want to complain about my husband. However, I need to remember that he has problems and I'm the one that has to accept and learn how to live with it. Anyone have a similar story?

 

[Froggie]

Welcome to the forum Ivy. I'm a sufferer, and I felt the need to at least acknowledge your post / thread. There is a special section for supporters and many will relate to your situation. There are even couples on this forum, so it gets really interesting to have all that interaction. You did right coming here, the first thing that is often said to supporters is ... think of yourself and care for yourself.

 

[CraftyCath]

Hi and welcome Ivy.

"Ditto" to all Froggie just said. Bless you for sharing.

 

[IvyMillie]

Thank your for your comments. I'm trying to learn this site. I did end up finding a thread specifically for the Vietnam Veteran Wives. So thanks.

 

[Navy Spouse]

Thank you for your comment on my post, I think it must have sounded more harsh than I wanted it to. I'm completely new at this PTSD stuff and it came as a complete surprise. I go back and forth with my emotions. My husband came home 6 weeks ago and I knew he had been through some things but most of it he kept from me while he was away so I had no idea what was coming. He did his best the first month he was home to hide his anger and go on like everything was ok. I knew after the first week something wasn't right because the connection we had wasn't there. I brought it up that I thought he needed a counselor and he agreed and made an appointment the next day. I was so glad. What hurt me is he moved out. His reason was he didn't want to say or do something he couldn't take back. I respect him for that, but at the same time I fear not being able to reconnect because of being separated. I had said on another post I felt bad complaining when I know he is trying really hard. He does see a counselor twice a week and he does come see us when ever he can. I feel low in the evenings because he should be here and I miss what we had. We have been married 17 years and were together 6 years before that. Our girls are 11 and 6 years old. I don't plan to give up on him, he's a good man, things are just really hard right now.

 

[Deaf Global Nomad]

Welcome Ivy,

I, too, am a sufferrer of PTSD. I think you would be best served by checking out the supporters' part of this site, as well as the combat vet sister site where people may provide you with ideas about how both your and your husband's needs can be met. Do you think your husband would be willing to join the site as well? We have lots of couples on here.

Welcome! Good for you for dealing as well as you can. You are allowed to seek help for yourself too, whenc it becomes overwhelming through therapy or whatever you feel might help...

Take good care of yourself!

 

[IvyMillie]

Yes, thank you. I mostly try to post on the supporters part of the site. I have posted on the other side as well though, I hope it's okay. I didn't know there was a combat vet sister site. I'll hve to check that out.

My husband had a bad experience with his last therapy, so I'm not sure he is up to sharing right now. He's not really a sharing kind of person, he's from the old school where guys didin't share their feelings. However, in time he might change--one never knows. Thanks for the suggestion.

This site has helped me tremendously, I think what is helping me is understanding how he thinks and not taking things personally myself. Realizing he can't help his behavior. It will always be hard at times, especially when I feel like I need help and support--then it's harder when he can't really reciprocate. However, he can't really help that.