Thanks for the the feedback. I thought I was going crazy but it's natural. Just not what I was expecting. This just takes a lot more work then I was ready for.
Thank you this helps a lot. I do push myself a lot. When I put my mind to do something I expect to get it done but this was a wake up call. This is not something you can just push though and think it will be ok. That's me I'm fighting the it cause it feels like I don't need it. Yup with the way things were head I would have end up dead or in jail.My life was so unstable, that even though I reeeeeallily wanted to work on root causes? It took me yeeeeears to stabilize enough that processing trauma wouldn’t either kill me or get me locked up. I fought against the whole ‘stabilize FIRST’ thing, for a long time. But there’s really no way around it if you want to avoid the whole psychosis & death thing. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ c’est la vie.