Immobilising Anxiety

[Moonkindredlass]

Even just starting to write this is hard. My medicine helps sometimes but not all the time. My fiance has put up with so much with me, I have panic attack and meltdowns constantly, nightmares nightly that are hard to shake off during the day. I flip out on him when I'm in pain or scared. I drink to be able to sleep or stop the shakes that are embarassing when I go outside and deal with people. The medicine used to stop the shaking but it doesn't now unless I take more than prescribed and mixing the medicine with the alcohol is a bad combination for my state of mind. I feel so lost and alone, I never used to be like this even with all that has happened to be before and my miscarriages I was still strong and ok. But now after this I'm a wreck and I can't figure out a way to live again. I try to stay positive but it's hard.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Unsure what to say...if I think of anything that may be even a tiny bit useful then I'll reply again. But, I just wanted to send you a (((hug))).

 

[KatB]

Im lost for words. I am sorry for the miscarriages you endured. I can not imagine what those were like. I don't know pain like that, but i do know the pain of abuse and its traumas.

Damaged goods is the word i describe myself. I feel completely damaged and lost. For many of us, this is something we deal with everyday and its tiring without the support of others. Its exhausting and ur just so damn tired of feeling tired. Ur not alone.

 

[Moonkindredlass]

I just wanted to send you a (((hug))).

Thank you

 

[Moonkindredlass]

Damaged goods is the word i describe myself. I feel completely damaged and lost.

I've called myself that too, my fiance tells me I'm not, it's very hard to believe that. Thank you for commenting.

 

[JustBe]

I think you are very brave for reaching out. I am listening. I hesitate to give advice because I too am a broken soul, but if there is any way you can find a Therapist and or Doc to help you get the anxiety under control so that you can begin to heal...

I only dare to suggest this because of my own recent deep depression and how much speaking with a Therapist and taking an antidepressant has helped me to get my panic and anxiety to within tolerable levels.

 

[Estacia]

My anxiety gets so bad my body hurts and shuts down. I can't move and I am almost good for nothing so I must lay down and sleep most of the time I wake up feeling better. That is not always the case. I use sleep as a coping mechinisum. It helps me from further self damage. ( emotions, saddness, depression and anger)

 

[JustBe]

I spent all of last winter in bed sleeping to hide from the pain. I could not find a way to see anything beyond my anxiety and despair.
it was finally out of desperation to change my situation that I reached out for help.

I hope that you too will find your way to healing. Take good care.

 

[Moonkindredlass]

I hope that you too will find your way to healing. Take good care.

Thank you, I'm trying.

 

[Moonkindredlass]

I hesitate to give advice because I too am a broken soul, but if there is any way you can find a Therapist and or Doc to help you get the anxiety under control so that you can begin to heal...

I had a Therapist but I haven't seen her in about a month, reliving the things that has happened makes it worse so I need breaks from it, I've had alot of things that have happened that I never dealt with. I am also on Lorazepam and Mirtrazpine. I know the things I need to do it's just hard doing them.

 

[JustBe]

Yes, sometimes the pain is unbearable. I'm glad that you are reaching out to others that understand. In a strange way, even though we don't know each other and our traumas are all different, we are all in this together.

 

[Moonkindredlass]

Ok I'm going to get up and try to do the laundry and clean. Thank you to everybody who talked with me, it helps knowing somebody out there understands.