Relationship In Need Of Advice...

[Ms.Cranberry]

I am so confused and don't know what to do.

I met an incredible guy a few months ago and we hit it off immediately. We texted for hours every day. He disappeared for a while and then reappeared and we picked back up. I never asked why and he apologized for disappearing and we resumed where we left off. Recently (a week ago) we became intimate. Everything was wonderful until this past weekend. He stopped talking to me and vanished. He texted me Monday afternoon telling me that he had flashbacks and disassociated over the weekend. He said that he wants me to leave him alone...that I'm a sweet woman and beautiful and that I deserve someone who can make me happy.

He went on to tell me he is embarrassed by his PTSD (he woke me one night I stayed over SCREAMING and it did scare me some) and that although he told me he had PTSD he never told me how bad it was. I got very upset because I don't understand. I asked him if I had done something or if it was because he didn't like me. He was very firm with saying that it wasn't that he doesn't care...it's that he can't be with someone while he's broken and he needs to do what's best for him.

I am a nurse...and while I am sadly uneducated on PTSD I feel I can understand a little bit and I am open to learning. He got very angry with me and told me to leave him alone and he wants nothing to do with me. Do I just cut my losses and walk away from this wonderful man or do I patiently wait? I know it's only been a few months but I genuinely care for him. I feel like its my fault that he feels this way. He was really happy as well...and when he was angry with me because I was asking questions and trying to understand he told me that he feels guilty for feeling happy when he saw three of his friends die right in front of him.

I don't know what to do. I don't believe he was a "hit it and quit it" guy. We had a few conversations about where we both wanted things to go and we both wanted a serious relationship and to settle down. Then he tells me he thought he was ready but he's not. I don't know if this is his PTSD talking or if he really wants nothing to do with me. Based on my interactions with him prior to this I would say that maybe he is scared? Maybe us getting close set him off?

I posted a shorter version of this in the guest forum before I figured out how to post here so I apologize if you are re-reading this. I'm really just trying to find help and advice. I've been reading a lot about PTSD but I think hearing from other people directly is more helpful.

 

[KyGirl31]

Well the only thing I can tell you is as bad as it hurts, he's told you he doesn't want a relationship so I would take that at face value. It may be his PTSD or it may not but in order to be fair to yourself and avoid less pain you shouldn't put your life on hold for this man when he told you how he felt. Just go on about your normal life and if he comes back then evaluate how you feel and if you wanna give it another go. Best of luck:)

 

[mixtapeheartache]

Even if it is the PTSD, and this is absolute anguish, you literally cannot do anything about it. Can't fix it, change it, and so on, and until he gets help, having a relationship simply is not possible, not one where your needs are met.

It's probably one of the harder things you'll have to do-- let go of "What if...".

 

[nursenurse]

A few months including away time does not a relationship make. he has been pretty clear about what he wants for now, and as nurses, we love to fix, to be patient and on and on. He's told you what he needs, so let him be. He could be scared. There's a whole lot it could be. Is he/has he/will he be seeking treatment for it? PTSD does not define a human being, but it adds a layer that complicates things. Timing is everything, the patience of Job is another. Education is your best ally.

From reading what you have written, I would do everything I was doing prior to him entering my life. Work. Play with the girls. Travel. Whatever life you had. Keep with what you had planned for your future. Date others. Don't get involved with anyone too early in the relationship - this goes for any relationship, including the one with your sufferer. Find out whatever you can about PTSD in the meantime. But don't do it with the idea of getting him back. Educate yourself with the intention that if he contacts you again, you will be in a better position to say yea or nay to the relationship, and even as a friend, you would understand him better.

Oh, and one last thing. It is not your fault how he feels. You did nothing wrong by asking questions. He is just not there yet to be able to open up emotionally, and the problem with PTSD is that he may never, especially untreated. It is a hard way to live life for both you and him.

 

[myvetswife]

When my husband had an episode he was telling me he doesn't want a relationship. But he did. It is hard to say what you should do. He might be scared. He might not feel his feelings in the moment. He might wants to protect you in saying he does not want a relationship.

The question is, what do you want? Do you want to wait and tell him you are there for him?

Beeing with somebody with PTSD is a rollercoaster of feelings. The bad thing is when they can't feel there feelings and are scared about it.

 

[mixtapeheartache]

I have come across these two links that give me a fresh perspective and sometimes, good or bad, hope:

Sidran Institute -- Glossary

Link Removed