In need of guidance
New Here
Hello all!
I am a carer to my husband. He was diagnosed with PTSD before we met, we dated for less then a year when he asked me to marry him, of course I said yes! During our dating and very short engagement he had is ups and downs but nothing that we could not figure out together and he was getting treatment on his own (taking his meds and seeing a social worker every other week).
Shortly after we married he got accepted into a program to get a service dog as a type of treatment for his ptsd. The dog has been helpful but not with out struggles of its own. The dog has had a positive reaction with my husband has really helped him continue to get better but it has also had a negitive reaction on our relationship. The dog is very jealous of my relationship with my husband and that has resulted in my husband altering our relationship to make the dog happy. This means that we rarely kiss or show affection for each other, we don't sit next to each other at home when watching tv, and the dog sleeps in between us every night (even though he has his own bed) which usually results in me being literally pushed out of bed and moving to a different room to sleep.
What I am really looking for advice on and about is the following...
-in the past 6 months my husband has stopped seeing his social worker (claims he doesn't need it), and gotten off all of his medications by his own choice. Since he has done this he has become quite the drinker (half a bottle of wine or 3-4 beers a night!) when he NEVER drank before.
-his temper has become explosive. He has never physically hurt me but we have many holes in our walls and furniture because if it and he also has started to verbally attack me, calling me all sorts of awful things and kicking me out of the house on occasion.
-this summer he was gone for 2 months as a part of his job (it was an optional trip and I didn't support it because we hadn't been married very long, I didn't want to be separated and because with everything else going on I didn't think that it was in his best interest to go). While he was gone he asked me for a divorce saying that I ruined the marriage and make his life a living hell. I informed him that I loved him and didn't want a divorce that we could work through whatever our issues were. He was nasty to me the whole time he was gone leaving me mean voice mails, txt messages and emails. When ever we talked he tried to pick fights and then I would nicely tell him that I was not able to talk about whatever it was he wanted to discuss but that we could at a later time and then I would get off the phone (I was trying to diffuse and not make the situation worse).
-upon returning home he has be nothing but a gentleman. Neither of us has said a word about what happened while he was going, it feels as though he wants to pretend nothing happened
-i did snoop through his phone and found out the he had cheated on me while he was gone (for the whole 2 months), and now I am at a loss!
** Even his family has noticed the difference and feel that something is wrong, even though they don't know what has been happening in our home.
I do not know what to do about any of it! How can I approach him about these things? Is all of it because he stopped taking his meds? how can I get him to get some help? What do I do about his cheating? I don't feel as though I can trust him at all (he had cheated on previous wife and he blames the ptsd for it but promised me early on that he would never to it to me). Should I stay or should I go?
I am at a complete loss, my whole world has turned upside down for the 12th time this summer, and have no idea where to turn but here. Any thoughts at all on what to do or how to approach would be helpful!
Thank you!
I am a carer to my husband. He was diagnosed with PTSD before we met, we dated for less then a year when he asked me to marry him, of course I said yes! During our dating and very short engagement he had is ups and downs but nothing that we could not figure out together and he was getting treatment on his own (taking his meds and seeing a social worker every other week).
Shortly after we married he got accepted into a program to get a service dog as a type of treatment for his ptsd. The dog has been helpful but not with out struggles of its own. The dog has had a positive reaction with my husband has really helped him continue to get better but it has also had a negitive reaction on our relationship. The dog is very jealous of my relationship with my husband and that has resulted in my husband altering our relationship to make the dog happy. This means that we rarely kiss or show affection for each other, we don't sit next to each other at home when watching tv, and the dog sleeps in between us every night (even though he has his own bed) which usually results in me being literally pushed out of bed and moving to a different room to sleep.
What I am really looking for advice on and about is the following...
-in the past 6 months my husband has stopped seeing his social worker (claims he doesn't need it), and gotten off all of his medications by his own choice. Since he has done this he has become quite the drinker (half a bottle of wine or 3-4 beers a night!) when he NEVER drank before.
-his temper has become explosive. He has never physically hurt me but we have many holes in our walls and furniture because if it and he also has started to verbally attack me, calling me all sorts of awful things and kicking me out of the house on occasion.
-this summer he was gone for 2 months as a part of his job (it was an optional trip and I didn't support it because we hadn't been married very long, I didn't want to be separated and because with everything else going on I didn't think that it was in his best interest to go). While he was gone he asked me for a divorce saying that I ruined the marriage and make his life a living hell. I informed him that I loved him and didn't want a divorce that we could work through whatever our issues were. He was nasty to me the whole time he was gone leaving me mean voice mails, txt messages and emails. When ever we talked he tried to pick fights and then I would nicely tell him that I was not able to talk about whatever it was he wanted to discuss but that we could at a later time and then I would get off the phone (I was trying to diffuse and not make the situation worse).
-upon returning home he has be nothing but a gentleman. Neither of us has said a word about what happened while he was going, it feels as though he wants to pretend nothing happened
-i did snoop through his phone and found out the he had cheated on me while he was gone (for the whole 2 months), and now I am at a loss!
** Even his family has noticed the difference and feel that something is wrong, even though they don't know what has been happening in our home.
I do not know what to do about any of it! How can I approach him about these things? Is all of it because he stopped taking his meds? how can I get him to get some help? What do I do about his cheating? I don't feel as though I can trust him at all (he had cheated on previous wife and he blames the ptsd for it but promised me early on that he would never to it to me). Should I stay or should I go?
I am at a complete loss, my whole world has turned upside down for the 12th time this summer, and have no idea where to turn but here. Any thoughts at all on what to do or how to approach would be helpful!
Thank you!
