Inappropirate Discussions During Mandatory Training .

[Emily The Strange]

To start with I'd like to say that I have been lucky enough to avoid the traps of self harm for the most part but in that past have has some very worrying thoughts and have on occasion acted upon these thoughts. Nobody i work with knows my situation or has any idea that I have been struggling for years, I try to keep it all to myself.

I was asked to take part in some mandatory training last week at work which of course i was happy to do, I loved my job and the people were really nice. I work in health care and I see many things I wish I could unsee but on the most part I cope well.

I went to the seminar room ready for my training in paediatrics and expected to be throughly bored for the next few hours. The trainer waffled on few a while about things we already knew then moved on to some scenarios and asked how we would deal with each situation. The first scenario was a young girl who was pregnant and we had to take her blood. The trainer was playing the part of the girl and was doing a good job of being a surley teenager who didnt want to be there, we managed to persuade her to sit down and answer a few questions, I thought it was all going well. We asked the girl to roll up her sleeve so we could have a look and get the tests done. The trainer paused and addressed the group to explain how the girl had been self harming and had many marks and cuts on her arm. I decided I would speak up and say to the girl that no matter what has happened to her and what state her arms are in we weren't here to judge and we were just here to take her blood. The others in my group dissagreed with me and started to ask me why I would'nt ask questions about why she had done it, when had it happened, how she had done it and explained how they would have to call her mother and explain the situation to her. One of the group even said "ahhhh" in a patronising way. I started to feel very anxious and cornered and very angry at the tone one person ahhhhed. I didn't know what to say. They were all looking at me so i told them that if I was in her position I wouldnt want to be ambushed like that and that our role was to just take her blood and confidentiality would prevent us from telling others due to her age. They carried on and on and started to get really personal, asking me why I wouldnt force her to deal with it and tell her just to stop, what makes me the expert in these things. The trainer thankfully jumped in and suggested we try another scenario.

I sat there for the rest of the morning stewing on what was said, getting angry about the lack of compassion for this girl and how judgemental they all were. I have no idea what happened in the training from this point, I cant recall any of it. I felt as though I wasnt there any more. I don't understand how any of it was necessary in the first place. There was no need to dwell on her self harming or question any of it. The purpose of the training was to learn how to persade a child to do what you needed and how to deal with the guardians.

Beacuse of all that was said I failed the test at the end of the training, mostly beacause i didn't hear most of it as my mind was somewhere else. I have to repeat the training next month!

I have to face these people tomorrow and have no idea what to say to them. I can't explain to them the reasons why I would act the way I said, I wouldn't want to be on the recieving end of their judgement. I have marks on my arms from year ago, I'm not proud of them but not ashamed either so i don't cover them. So far nobody has noticed, or at least hasn't asked but now i am fearful that they will see me and treat me differently and gossip.

All this stress and anxiety from some mandatory training that by now they would have forgotten about. I don't view my work in the same positive way anymore and just dont know where to turn. My negative thoughts are more frequent now and I dread going to work.

One of the few positive things in my life has been destroyed and I don't know what to do.

 

[Ghostybear73]

I can attest that if someone has not been in the others shoes, they have no idea and act stupid.

I think your response was perfect and I also think the trainer should have jumped in earlier and backed you on your response.

The fact that you pretty much disocciated throughout the rest, most likely from the brewing anger, is totally understandable and I'm sorry it caused you to fail the test.

I don't know what to say about making work enjoyable again, but I do hope you can find the enjoyment you once had.

In reading your post, I must say you did a great job in the training. :)

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

That sounds like a horrible experience and I am sorry you went through it. I could never have spoke up like you did. Is tomorrow your first day back to work since the training? I wonder if the people at the training will even remember that scenario when you go back to work. I often find that the things I dwell on and worry about are not always the things that stick in the minds of others. Also, I would recommend that you don't throw all of you good vibes about work out because of one bad experience (strong though it was). Try to remind yourself of why you liked your work before the training.

 

[scout86]

Like @Ghostybear73 , it's hard for people to see things like this from any perspective other than their own.

If you feel up to it, and you think your coworkers might actually be willing to listen and learn, you COULD tell them the truth. You could tell them why you're an "expert" on these things and how it looks from the perspective of someone like their imaginary patient. The trainer must have used this particular scenario for a reason. I wonder what it is. (You kind of missed the rest of the session, so you wouldn't necessarily know.) If they think it's as simple as "This girl has a problem, we need to tell her parents." they might want to rethink that. Consider things like maybe her parents are a good share of the problem, for example.

Anyway, you have a perspective on the situation than probably none of your colleagues have and you might be able to teach them some things that would actually help them to be better at what they do. If you think they won't listen, or will change how they think of you, maybe not such a good idea. Sometimes, when people have stereotypes, and they learn that they're judging someone they know, with out knowing it, it changes the way they think.

Sorry things went this way! I would have hoped the trainer would have been taking things the same direction as you thought to and things would have gone differently.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

People can be quite ignorant.

I can't help but feel that this is in the same vein as my "I'm going back in the closet" thread where I was venting about people digging into the cause of my PTSD. People like to dig. They think they have a right to question you about anything and everything when it comes to mental health.

I'd be concerned because many people who self injure are abuse victims. This is in stark contrast to the public perception of self-injurers being emo kids who just like to be dramatic. Given that she is a minor (how young?) I'd be concerned about not only possible abuse in her past, but is she also dealing with ongoing sexual abuse? And if so, is that unborn child due to forced sexual contact? Pressuring the young girl to talk could get her to just clam up even more, and just make the whole situation even worse. What if her abuser is custodial? That's great, tell her possibly abusive parents!

Just remember, these people aren't trained in psychology, so they think of the worst possible thing to do. The sad thing is that those of us who harm ourselves know that we have to lie, lie, and lie some more in order to avoid losing our freedom because the moment we admit to harming ourselves, we risk being locked up. Blah.

 

[Lost214]

Just leave it at the training. Be with your coworkers as you were before this. If any one of them bring it up you have no obligation to discuss it and you can suggest that as far as your concerned the discussion ended with the training.
I had many years in healthcare and many who work in the field have untreated mental health issues and add to the stress often already present in this field. You need to try to find a way to leave work at the door so your down time isn't consumed with work issues.
Take 10 minutes end of each work day to process it and then after that time it's off the table until a few moments before you start your next work day.
Hard and takes practice but it works

 

[ghotiff]

If they ask you could deflect by saying your approach was based on some research you did in the past (I'm sure you have read articles on self harming). Then if they want more you could say that you will try to re find the article for them.

I'm sure if you looked you could find a book or article to support you position. I think @Solara is correct with her potential scenario and her point is very important (for a medical training perspective).

This approach is not lying but also shuts down the personal side of the discussion.

Hope that helps. They likely have forgotten anyway.

 

[joeylittle]

Just a little thought, a thing you could maybe tell them. Self-harm is a symptom - as @Solara said, there's always going to be something going on that is provoking the symptom. You would no more pick someone apart for having a high fever than you should for someone self-harming. So unless you want to begin an evaluation to determine the cause of her symptom, you're better off drawing the blood and calling in a psych eval, if you truly feel you must.

 

[greenleaf]

You can also say something like, "I actually had a couple of friends who did that, and what you suggest would have been terrible for them because ____". Think about someone here who self-harmed due to abuse, and whose guardian was actually abusive in some way, for instance, so you're saying why that would be terrible for someone here? (Being vague enough to not identify anyone of course; that's not hard.)

People never assume that anyone they know could have such issues, in my experience, unless they have personal experience with such things -- and in that case they wouldn't likely be so idiotic. One can hide in plain sight, in a fashion, and you needn't make yourself as vulnerable.

It's not lying so if anyone finds out later that you meant yourself, they shouldn't feel all upset (they should be upset at themselves, if anything... in my opinion anyhow.) Those folks clearly have absolutely no idea what they are talking about; why people self-harm, what's often going on at home when they do, and the possible danger the kid would be put in... the lack of future trust in medical professionals that might also ensue if untrusted guardians are notified, etc. etc.

If you get upset, you can explain it by saying that remembering what these other folks went through, makes you very upset. Very reasonable. (For some of us, it can be easier to feel for others than for ourselves, anyhow... )

 

[Emily The Strange]

Thankyou all for the kind words and support. Im feeling better about the whole situation now. I find as soon as i write it down i get a sense of release.

You make an excelent point Solara, the guardians may well be the reason for this girls self harm. Even if they werent the reason its something she shoild be able to tell them when feels ready not when some healthcare professional tells her to.

Im pretty sure it wont come up again with those who have completed the training course as it clearly wasnt an important suject for them to approach with thought so i doubt it will have stuck in their minds. And if it has and they wish yo discuss it in a compassionate way i may well well them what makes me an expert. Just have to make it through the next training session. At least i will be a bit more prepared l. See how it goes.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I love your positive attitude about your experience and how you worked through it and I really hope you can go back to work and love your job again.