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Relationship Incredibly Confused

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That apology doesn't even begin to cover it. You do not put your hands on people. You do not destroy attempt to destroy, or otherwise damage or throw away other's property. Yoy do not blame otheres for your inability to control your anger. Yes ptsd can make it harder to control those impulses but it is manageable. Don't stay hoping for the best because that honestly just reinforces the behavior. Get out and take care of yourself!
 
Please leave this relationship as soon as is possible. It is not safe and you are being abused. He also does not seem to be able to look past his own perception of things and is projecting the blame onto you. Staying there is just going to allow that to continue. At the very least he is a very long way away from being safe to live with or be in a relationship with. If the last assault was recent then please report this to the police.

Contact a domestic violence support service to help advice you of what next to do. It can be advisable to consider the financial implications and plan ahead.
 
now that I am on the verge of having an anxiety attack and my blood pressure is through the roof.

That is emotional blackmail and he is using it to try and control you. You are not responsible for him and how he feels. You need to contact a advocate in your area (women's shelter/domestic violence/abuse) and talk to them. They will help you work through your feelings and formulate a safety plan to keep yourself safe. They will not pressure you to do anything you don't want to do. They are there to support YOU. It sounds like he is using PTSD as an excuse to be a controlling, abusive jerk. Do not allow this to continue because it will not get better. It will get worse and you could end up severely hurt or killed.
 
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