Indifferent

[Bookoffee]

I am feeling indifferent about life. I can’t seem to get out of my own way. I sit in my chair all day at home. I avoid conversations with my wife, I avoid cleaning the house, I avoid just about everything. Everytime I want to do something, I freeze with fear, settle down and return to my comfy chair.

Last night my wife made a comment about wanting to end our lives because we would be better off, I sat there and couldn’t think of what to say or do. I was indifferent to the situation. I truly did not care.

I do not know how to get out of this haze and start caring again. I feel as though nothing is worth moving forward. I need a miraculous change.

 

[KwanYingirl]

You have this whole life/work change looming. If it were me I'd be overwhelmed by the details. Listen to your body. Give yourself the gift of time. You don't have to have everything figured out overnight. Sometimes, just showing up and breathing is all you need to do. Remember what PTSD does-we get activated and our brains, like a light switch, activate fright, flight or freeze. Ride the wave, low tide will return and you will feel better. Baby steps with the life change.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

You sound numb. I interpret numb to be quite dissimilar to indifference in that for me, indifference is still a choice whereas numbness pervades my life without invitation.

 

[Bookoffee]

I need to get better before I ruin my marriage or my wife. I can't take on much more of trying to figure out what to do and how to act every second of my life. Everyone tells me to be myself but I can't figure it out anymore. When I try to be myself I can't think clearly and don't know how to act. I fear it will be wrong, taken the wrong way, starting an argument. Either way I chose it is always wrong.

I don't know where I am going with this. I need to say what is on my mind.

 

[Chava]

Sorry things are so rough. I can get really numbed out when the stress is over-loading me. I don't know much about your relationship with your wife. I know you've said she's a good support for you. So I don't know what has changed or if its difficult feeling supported through what you are going through right now. Do you like your new therapist? Is that helpful or is it that its opening up new stuff? Would it be appropriate to do any type of family therapy or education stuff for your wife? Again, I don't know quite where it's all at but it sounds really difficult. Do you both have some kind of support outside of the relationship? I'd also agree with kwanyingirl about not having to change everything or try to fix yourself all right now. I understand it's overwhelming. Trying to get it all right seems to make it more muddled, especially under stress. Focus on what you can do right now to take care of yourself. For me even indifference or numbness is okay sometimes, but I recognize it as I need to just shut down for a while. It's never permanent, though in the moment I usually fear it will be terrible forever.