NativeRose
New Here
I posted some things on another board and got interesting responses, going to post the same here. You'll have a better understanding of dissociation than some of the others did.
Here goes....going to reveal something that is particularly sensitive to ridicule: Though I do not have DID (but am somewhere along the dissociation continuum), I do recognize that I have a little. Sometimes she appears at the strangest times and at different ages. She has a different name than me, and it's quite powerful. When I realized that I needed to acknowledge and care for my little, I decided she needed an appropriate name. I really can not abide my name, and I think that's because it was associated with some kind of abuse. For so long, when people summoned me, it was generally for some sort of physical or emotional abuse. My inner child's name is Bethany--daughter of the Lord. She tends to come out during triggers, but it's often hard for me to tell when she'll emerge. I used to be so disgusted by her presence; wouldn't it be better for me to just go on with life? I have always had to survive on my own, so there was no place for a child. That's why she's still inside, and eventually I realized that I was doing my little Bethany (and the adult Rose) more harm than anything. In my opinion, my inner child needs to heal, just like the adult. Some people with DID actually convinced me of this fact, so I have been working on nurturing the inner child when she comes out. Sometimes I still want to dismiss her, but I know that doesn't help. There are times when I can't attend to her, such as when I'm in class, but instead of telling her she has to go away, I compartmentalize by telling her I have to talk to her later. My little is just as real as any other person, but she really has no place in this adult world. Therefore, I have to give her a place to belong. I even have a doll to represent her, so when she's scared, sad, feeling abandoned, etc. I can hold her.
Sometimes Bethany is just screaming inside because the emotional pain is just too intense. Sometimes it seems like Bethany screams and cries without the ability to stop. Sometimes she frantically runs, looking for a way out of the horror, but she knows there is no retreat....until the
adult Rose reaches her. Only then, she knows she's safe. Still, there is so much indescribable pain within my little, and she's overwhelmed and has no idea how to deal with it. Sometimes she feels angry and wants to express it through tantrums, but the big person knows that's not okay. At other times, she feels so rejected and abandoned and seems inconsolable. Then I have to remember to break things down into child-sized portions so I can handle the trauma effectively.
Miss Bethany is quite stressful, but there are times when escaping into her life can be a lot of fun! She gets to color, snuggle with dolls, play games, etc. Then, when the big person emerges, the little is happier and the adult can go on to what she needs to do. I decided if I don't let her come out when it's appropriate, she (and the big Rose) will just become more distressed, and that affects everything. Even though my little might seem silly to some, nurturing her actually allows me to get back to life and handle it more efficiently. I even started a journal specifically for Bethany, so I write down her thoughts. I also reflect on what it's like to nurture her.
Sometimes, when I'm disturbed by something seemingly insignificant, I remember that it could be my inner child responding to the event. That helps me understand that it's real and deal with it in a healthy manner. There are times when I talk to my little the way I would with an actual child. After all, that's what she is.
I have this booklet called "Caring for the Child Within." It's really great and validates the fact that there are littles. She explains why and that it's okay to have them. Then the author gives suggestions for how to help the inner child heal. I need to state that I am not specifically promoting it; I just want to make people aware of another resource they can use. Interested parties can email or send me a private message here. Does anyone else think about or experience this stuff....or am I just weird?
And btw, after I initially posted this on another board, someone suggested that this is related to dissociation rather than inner child work. After reading that.....confused!
Here goes....going to reveal something that is particularly sensitive to ridicule: Though I do not have DID (but am somewhere along the dissociation continuum), I do recognize that I have a little. Sometimes she appears at the strangest times and at different ages. She has a different name than me, and it's quite powerful. When I realized that I needed to acknowledge and care for my little, I decided she needed an appropriate name. I really can not abide my name, and I think that's because it was associated with some kind of abuse. For so long, when people summoned me, it was generally for some sort of physical or emotional abuse. My inner child's name is Bethany--daughter of the Lord. She tends to come out during triggers, but it's often hard for me to tell when she'll emerge. I used to be so disgusted by her presence; wouldn't it be better for me to just go on with life? I have always had to survive on my own, so there was no place for a child. That's why she's still inside, and eventually I realized that I was doing my little Bethany (and the adult Rose) more harm than anything. In my opinion, my inner child needs to heal, just like the adult. Some people with DID actually convinced me of this fact, so I have been working on nurturing the inner child when she comes out. Sometimes I still want to dismiss her, but I know that doesn't help. There are times when I can't attend to her, such as when I'm in class, but instead of telling her she has to go away, I compartmentalize by telling her I have to talk to her later. My little is just as real as any other person, but she really has no place in this adult world. Therefore, I have to give her a place to belong. I even have a doll to represent her, so when she's scared, sad, feeling abandoned, etc. I can hold her.
Sometimes Bethany is just screaming inside because the emotional pain is just too intense. Sometimes it seems like Bethany screams and cries without the ability to stop. Sometimes she frantically runs, looking for a way out of the horror, but she knows there is no retreat....until the
adult Rose reaches her. Only then, she knows she's safe. Still, there is so much indescribable pain within my little, and she's overwhelmed and has no idea how to deal with it. Sometimes she feels angry and wants to express it through tantrums, but the big person knows that's not okay. At other times, she feels so rejected and abandoned and seems inconsolable. Then I have to remember to break things down into child-sized portions so I can handle the trauma effectively.
Miss Bethany is quite stressful, but there are times when escaping into her life can be a lot of fun! She gets to color, snuggle with dolls, play games, etc. Then, when the big person emerges, the little is happier and the adult can go on to what she needs to do. I decided if I don't let her come out when it's appropriate, she (and the big Rose) will just become more distressed, and that affects everything. Even though my little might seem silly to some, nurturing her actually allows me to get back to life and handle it more efficiently. I even started a journal specifically for Bethany, so I write down her thoughts. I also reflect on what it's like to nurture her.
Sometimes, when I'm disturbed by something seemingly insignificant, I remember that it could be my inner child responding to the event. That helps me understand that it's real and deal with it in a healthy manner. There are times when I talk to my little the way I would with an actual child. After all, that's what she is.
I have this booklet called "Caring for the Child Within." It's really great and validates the fact that there are littles. She explains why and that it's okay to have them. Then the author gives suggestions for how to help the inner child heal. I need to state that I am not specifically promoting it; I just want to make people aware of another resource they can use. Interested parties can email or send me a private message here. Does anyone else think about or experience this stuff....or am I just weird?
And btw, after I initially posted this on another board, someone suggested that this is related to dissociation rather than inner child work. After reading that.....confused!
