I have no words of wisdom or experience of being in the service, but my heart has a hug for yours if you wish to accept.
I relate to needing drugs to deal, as do many here, be it prescription or otherwise. We all are chemically altered in some way, shape, or form so it's only natural to feel the need to alter them again and again to try to find our perceived version of this normalcy we hear so much of. Drugs aren't the only things that can alter our chemical make-up, though. Food, drink, scents, sound, movement, oxygen, thoughts, etc. All energetic exchanges, pretty much.
Breath has become one of my closest allies in relieving anxiety. Primal screaming into pillows or in the forest. Singing at the top of my lungs, no matter how it sounds. Spending more time in nature than with people. Embracing the inner child that never knew unconditional love. Growing and nurturing edible things. Foraging for edible things. Redirecting my harsh ass-kicking self-talk. Only ingesting things that haven't been harmed or created in test tubes or beakers to get to my plate. Etc. Etc.
Finding whatever little bits of beauty I possibly can in each moment instead of trying to "fix" everything I feel to be wrong with myself for some future goal seems to work best for me. Some days it just isn't happening and I learned to be okay with that, too. One thing I discovered about my feelings is that each and every one demand to be felt, regardless of how badly I just wish to keep it stashed or forgotten. Best wishes to you in each moment. May you find the strength to take good care of you. Glad you became a part of the community.
