Insert Swearish Rant Here

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
Why is it EVERY f*cking single f*cking time I go for something as F*CKING SIMPLE as blood tests it turns into some big f*ucking production???????

Two f*cking clinics to get samples for cretine and thyroid. Two hours f*cking about for TWO F*CKING VIALS of blood.

But no, it has to be some huge bullsh*it production while I'm stressed to hell just being there, and then to some bright bulb lab tech says "you don't look very good". Good thing the Mrs. was there, I was about to turn him into an involuntary blood donor.

You should see what I wrote to their customer service. I flat told them not to send back any patronizing "continuous improvement" crap because if they were improving I would lose my sh*t on them after every visit. I wouldn't mind but EVERY SINGLE F*CKING TIME I get blood samples taken in the last year has been an adventure in PTSD stressor land.

So f*cking wonderful - I get the better part of my life f*cked up in a hospital bed and now the resulting chronic illness needs monitoring and blood tests and we have to turn that into a f*cking nightmare too. Just f*cking wonderful......
 

enough

MyPTSD Pro
godamit, learn to drive! And learn to respect other people and their safety. Everyday, during my commute, I get stuck between a tailgater and someone doing the limit or less, usually because thats all the faster they can go due to traffic, so I am following at a safe distance and speed and some jerk can't stand to be stuck behind me (us) and tailgates until they either pass me or I take a breather in a parking lot. then they go tailgate the next poor guy in the line, and another and another all the way home I guess. I hope they make it home alright but I wish they would do some thinking and try to do their part to insure their own safety. I hope they get a chance to reflect on their actions and change their ways, some of them won't get that chance.
 

Friday

Moderator
godamit, learn to drive!
Cha.

Some poor idiot the other Xmas will never know how close they came to being reverse-rammed, ripped out from the wreckage, and curb stomped or dead checked. I’d already slipped the vehicle into neutral & run the angles, before I caught myself acting out old scripts. It was a close damn thing. Serious ice water for blood, and I have to go throw up now, moment.

I find it helps to think to myself “I’m gifting you your life, motherf*cker.”
 

enough

MyPTSD Pro
“I’m gifting you your life, motherf*cker.”
Yep. Sent many just like you on a helicopter ride, seen the things you will see someday if you keeping driving like that. You should say thanks, but you are too selfish to even see the people around you that save you from yourself, not worth my time, hope you don't take anyone with you when you finally get to the finish of this BS.
 

ruborcoraxxx

MyPTSD Pro
Can’t sleep, f*cking meds won’t work (choir 1)
Cat’s snoring
I think it farted once

flow, morphed, distant (I missed a phone call
And thought it was my call)

Can’t sleep, f*cking meds won’t work (choir 1)
And I don’t wanna work
And I don’t wanna cook
And I don’t want to do

Therapy uh
Just can’t compete
with reality( —’eality).

That’s a trap
Cat’s snoring
f*cking tired ’being scared (choir) (x2)
f*cking meds don’t woooooork (choir)

I did notice everything around
I made a list n colour n shit
I touched a lamp and noted it down
It’s cool (choir)
No shit!
And pillow (choir)
It’s fluffy (choir 2)
No shit!

I did notice the cat’s snoring
she’ll wake up up and purring
feeding her and up and going
picking phone and line and saying
I don’t f*cking care of your f*ckin storyg
have your day in f*cking glory
yes sir
i really don’t care
f*ck this job
it hurts my ass
it bells my sass

(flow, morphed, distant)
so yeah i know these things are from the past now and,
i’ve been told old memories should be replaced with better ones
you know what i mean, something happy and something preppy
like something you got reeeeally no idea ’bout
so i did what was written on the book
and got a picture of the farting cat
living proof that we’re in the present

(choir)
can’t sleep the meds aint working
tired of shit not working
tired of my person working

(accompaining voice, against the beat)
it’s bad
it’s boring
it’s screwed

(music cuts)

(recording, clear)
you know what i just wanna get rid of aall of that shit, the pictures, the coloured pens, the smell of the printer; if i could set all this place, wait wait, all of the neighborhood on fire, ablaze ablaze, fire, that—that would be real great. and being present, my presence not grounded at all, i’m floating well above your f*cking face of a f*cking dick of a f*cking prick, no I’m not making coffee, you can fire me, it’s already doooone sir. birds are singing already and it’s just more another day of more another shit; i don’t have time for any syntax, wot, f*ck the proof reading man, just sent all the mail with all the typos before leaving for a better place.

(end)
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
F***********************************ck. Just what I f*king need. Lets start looking for work and then, only then, do we we hit more crap and probable trauma. Just [email protected] awesome. Take one trauma please and slide backward 10 months The fact it's from my last job really F&ckin pisses me off. And there's a huge [email protected] pile there too because my PTSD head didn't connect the dots as to what was going on. Just f*cking lovely.

...and I'm looking for a job. Guess that will have to wait for a bit until the urge to go back there and crack some heads with a baseball bat dies down. (*MODS* I have no baseball bat...besides agoraphibia would probably kick in before I got there.) Guess I'll just wait until I can turn on the lights without my head exploding again.....
 
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