Insights on compassion

[Rani G2]

one point, in large part due to my lack of patience when dealing with the undisciplined behaviors of others. Some things are very black an white with me. For instance, while I can be extremely empathetic when a person is looking for help with their addictions, someone out there unaware of how his problems are affecting

not writing anything new or interesting here, but people will always mirror us aspects (I am oversimplifying here, so please toss aside if it’s BS! I do understand ) that we refuse (Or we Do see but still painful to be with) to acknowledge in ourselves, people being destructive and living in denial despite others being hurt and creating damage, there is this reciprocity, reminding me of my own journey while also being reminded of someone (Or many) that caused me harm in various ways and now seeing those traits also in other individuals, it’s a constant ride on rejecting those behaviors (Due to good reasons), and also diving into that enmeshment of „How much has this to Do with myself?“ what is being bought to the surface?
Sorry for the unclear Blahness.. (Not a native English speaker, and also just lack of Focus) But I have a massive Issue when it comes to power dynamics.. compassion plays a role there as well.. the moment I disregard wounded selfparts the harder it gets..
I need a quick fix..I‘m tired.

as far as they might straight attack what they perceive as weak

@ruborcoraxxx having my head/heart wars with this condition as well. In a situation where I perceived my action / communication as weak, I went into a trigger mode that was extremely hard to be with.. as usual always hard to put it into words..

is bad enough to be debilitating, in some scenarios. I could not work in the medical field because of it -- so, obviously, there are major advantages to people not being this sensitive to the pain of others. Emergency rooms almost always require sedation for me.

This is extremely hard, sorry you had to endure so much pain RussellSue!

 

[RussellSue]

people will always mirror us aspects (I am oversimplifying here, so please toss aside if it’s BS! I do understand ) that we refuse (Or we Do see but still painful to be with) to acknowledge in ourselves,

It is possible that this has something to do with it, but I honestly think that the 14 years I lived in the middle of nowhere being picked on for not fitting in just turned me into a bitter old witch. I was a lot less apt to find fault in others before I decided to drag myself through that abusive nightmare. I started picking out flaws in those around me as a sort of redemption for myself. I don't do it as much now that we don't live there, but it became a self-defense mechanism, and the moment I feel threatened or insulted by another person, I get right back to it.

 

[Rani G2]

started picking out flaws in those around me as a sort of redemption for myself. I don't do it as much now that we don't live there, but it became a self-defense mechanism, and the moment I feel threatened or insulted by another person, I get right back to it.

picking out flaws in those around me as a sort of redemption for myself = I want to say Alleluja with all the respect (Non religious here though) Because it sounds so familiar, and I just like the way you put it

 

[Rani G2]

Just a note for me..

When people have their own understandings about compassion and even if I find this inflationary usage of the word „empathy“ irritating , it doesn’t have to bother me, always. I’m just leaving that place for now.. internally.
I will have my eye rolling face expression if people are unable to see unjust power relations, inequalities and class struggle ect.

That’s okay for now.. too exhausted.


Thank you for all of your responses..

 

[Rosebud]

@Rani G2 I hope this helps, haven't listened to all of it yet myself. But it even touches on why you may react as you do feeling a need to defend (he says it's a drive to safety), or viewing it as weakness (whereas compassion is courage). (Dr Paul Gilbert, CFT, Compassion Focused Therapy, devised when some people could not get full progress with CBT ). Also says compassion can be precluded by spending all of the time in a threat mode, or a drive mode (attaining or succeeding or trying to be superior) to avoid the threat mode, but all in excess are because of an inability to get to the self soothing mode, or rather to learn how to accept influence from others to begin to self sooth. Predicated initially on attachment but of course one can only do what one knows. Also precluded from others by things like tribalism.

I'm probably explaining it badly, some came from another video of his I can't find. Hope it's helpful.

Happy New Year!

 

[Friday]

Their suffering hurts, but when it comes to adults, I am much more guarded in my own feelings and the desire to "fix" is much less. In some ways it is safer for me to feel compassionate towards animals and children

Adults have agency. They can take care of themselves. Kids & pets? Don’t.

 

[Friday]

I’ve responded to this a couple/few times and each time my response has died in drafts. Just because, headspace.

What longer responses boil down to, however, is this:

It’s easier for me to SHOW compassion, when I don’t actually have any emotions, at all. It costs me nothing. When I do have emotions? I rarely have the energy to even have compassion, but even when I can feel compassion in spades? It’s unlikely to be shown, in any but the most subtle ways.

 

[Rani G2]

It’s easier for me to SHOW compassion, when I don’t actually have any emotions, at all. It costs me nothing.

As always @Friday you bring things to the bone.. haven’t seen it that way, and it makes sense!