When the stress from my trauma damaged my brain, it polarised most of my positive feelings, and also polarised the fractions of my personality. Polarising is where rather than feel a middle of a feeling you experience the extreme ends.
So rather than feel a sunshine part of my personality that reminded me of a boy that inspired me that sought out bringing positive things in my life, I felt the opposite to darkness and misery and sought out to misery into my life. Rather than go fast and feel like people were behind me like in my fire-brigade job, my brain was re-programmed to seek out slow and make people isolated or against me.
The anxiety from my PTSD comes from trying to go work through the polarising of my emotions to complete tasks.
Anti- it is sought of how I describe the emotion of my PTSD that has been polarised. The emotions I have worked through, and processed go back to normal so return to normal function again and I am able to do more stuff with less anxiety.
