So much has come up and come back over the past few weeks following a huge, prolonged release of trauma energy.
Been having alot of experiences in which I feel internal conflict and confusion. Ironically, this is a good thing as I think it means I am holding onto multiple parts of myself at once.
I had to go on a road trip with my partner and my mother to a party two hours away over the holidays. Multiple triggers involved, I became extremely, crazily reactive and for the first time I can remember, I found myself narrating my experience of what it felt like on the inside in parallel to being a reactive pain in the neck. They seemed to appreciate this. But mostly it was a big deal for me as I was able to stay in both the highly charged, reactive emotional state and the adult, "normal" state at once.
Have even had a few fleeting moments in which the dissociation lifted 100% for a moment or two and I remembered what it is like to be ALIVE. Still feels like a race against time to get there before my son arrives. I know it won't fully, but some very big things are happening in me and I wanted to share.
Been having alot of experiences in which I feel internal conflict and confusion. Ironically, this is a good thing as I think it means I am holding onto multiple parts of myself at once.
I had to go on a road trip with my partner and my mother to a party two hours away over the holidays. Multiple triggers involved, I became extremely, crazily reactive and for the first time I can remember, I found myself narrating my experience of what it felt like on the inside in parallel to being a reactive pain in the neck. They seemed to appreciate this. But mostly it was a big deal for me as I was able to stay in both the highly charged, reactive emotional state and the adult, "normal" state at once.
Have even had a few fleeting moments in which the dissociation lifted 100% for a moment or two and I remembered what it is like to be ALIVE. Still feels like a race against time to get there before my son arrives. I know it won't fully, but some very big things are happening in me and I wanted to share.
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