Intense Fear Of Professionals

[Ihejaw]

I think I may have PTSD. Long story short cps in my country of the uk got involved in my family and caused a lot of trauma within my family, bullied me and told lies. I went to Ireland where I was assessed after much protesting from the authorities just to extradite me and my son back to the uk. They lied and hid vital documents from the court. In the end an independent psychiatrist report went in my favour. Several months after they left and my son was returned to my care it feels like I have lost a lot of my abilities. I haven't seen my daughter in almost a year. Because of financial reasons i had no choice but to move back to the uk after the case was closed. Things I could do previously I cannot do now. I feel scared to get public transport to a new place on my own through fear of getting lost, and I have developed an intense phobia of dying. Suddenly everything that exists is frightening. I find myself having panic attacks over small things, like losing something trivial. I find myself feeling intense anxiety over absolutely everything even if it's not related to the incident. The incident has left me feeling very afraid of professionals. I simply don't trust them not to have my son taken away since medical professionals assisted this in happening. I feel like people in the street are watching me taking care of my son and I feel like everyone is against me. I am afraid to meet new people through fear someone will have a misunderstanding or be malicious and make a referral. I barely go out now. I wasn't like this before it all happened. I think and obsess about what happened every single day. I go over escape plans over and over in my head, and I fantasise about harming the people who victimised me and my children. I fantasise about going to their homes and pouring acid in their face, or crushing their skulls. i make a plot in my head about how i can get away with it. what i will wear, how i will get there. how i will use their murders to frighten the whole organisation. I don't want to get help, otherwise they will be called again. They are called for everything in my country and 20% of families at any given time have their involvement. If someone knocks on my door or calls my phone and I don't know who they are I lose my breath, my heart races and I burst into tears. My sleep is bad and my heart races all night. Will this go away on it's own?

 

[Azom]

No you don't have PTSD imo.

But you do have a lot of resentment and anger that you need to deal with.

 

[Azi]

:hug:

Some things go away on their own, some don't. It sounds like you really could benefit from talking to a therapist, regardless of what diagnosis you may have.

 

[Hele]

Ok it feels intense. I suffered a lot of those thoughts. They didn't die down until about two years later, then it was like the sunshine came out and l stopped the neg thought process. You can't move on until you deal with the anger. It's like the anger is a bunch of little ants running around clouding the bigger pic of day to day stuff. You are so focused on the ants that you can't see the normal part of life anymore. You see those "people" that tormented your life. You need to forgive them and you and move on to heal.